A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I go for it, the 4th time around? I went yesterday for girls night out and met someone I dated and we broke it off 3 times already. I didn't see him for about a year. It started with one night stand, and then we continued going out and having non stop sex, several times a day for a month. Then one day we were at the hotel after a wonderfull evening with dinner and then again amazing sex. We fell asleep, he looked very tired. In a morning he was still sleeping, and I had to get up and go to work. I woke him up, because we came in his car. No reaction, he continued sleeping. for half an hour I was trying and trying to wake him up, it was hopeless. We were at different end of town, and I had to pay 80$ for taxi to get to work. And then another 30$ at night to get back to my house. He called me only in 2 days, saying that he can't believe how tired he was and hopes I got around ok. I was shocked. He could have called me the same day at least to drive me home. Well, I told him that he is inconsiderate and too weird for me to deal with, and with that we stoped seeing each other. Then about 6 months later, I met him at the club, sex again the same night, but this time we dated 3 months. He is very outdoorsy. He likes nature a lot, and does all kinds of sports. I like doing this also, but not as much. He goes on climbing trips ALL THE TIME with his buddies. Even on my birthday he couldn't cancelled his trip and went for a whole week. Again, we had a fight, and stoped seeing each other. Then almost a year passed, again I am meeting him at the restaurant.Again I went home with him the same night, and again it was amazing as ussual. We dated for about six months, this time I met his family, went to cuple of weddings together, and everything seemed to be fine. For my birthday he stayed home this time, took me out, all was beatifull. Then he goes on a business trip for 2 months to Germany, tells me literally one week prior. I couldn't believe it. I asked him if he realizes how weird it is. I am his girlfriend, doesn't he think i deserve him sharing with me "small details" like these that I won't be seeing him for a whole 2 months? Anyway, he left angry, and when came back, I went on vacation with my family for 2 weeks. So, altogether it was 2.5 months since we didn't see each other. Of course we skyped, called and texted. After I returned there was something different about him. He was distant, and when I asked him if all was ok with us, he said, he doesn't now. And that was it. I think he was having an affair in Germany. His behavor was very different from before. Also judging by his sex drive prior to this trip, he was a totaly different man after. Before there was not a single day without sex, and when he came back, sometimes it was ony twice a week. we started drifting apart. And soon it was the end ofit. Yesterday, when I saw him again I thought to myself that there is no one else I ever met that I was so attracted to. He smelled good, and this beatifull smile. We kissed, and I thought that he is the best kisser ever. And the way he listens, and carries conversation is so comforting and pleasant. I can't point out any other guy who kept me such a good company. While I was thinking all these, he suddenly said: you are the only girl I am so attracted too, as weird as it sounds, but then again I am a weird guy. We laughed, but this time I turned on my willpower and went home with my friend. He walked me to the car, said he hoped I would go home with him, how much he missed me and may be we should give it another go. I shook my head, told him not to be silly, we already did 3 times. And then we kissed and kissed, until my friend warned me she is just going home without me. He sent text to me at 3 am when I was ready to go to sleep, telling me again how beatifull I looked, and how he wanted me so bad, and hope we can try again. Then again n a morning, another text asking if he can take me for dinner Friday. Now, remembering how he broke my heart last time, and considering how much i like him, I am being very cautious. The truth is I date a lot, the best guy I ever dated doesn't even come close to him. I think if I never met him, I would be long married may be with children. I am at the age (29) when I am seriously thinking of settling down and have a family. I don't want to be single anymore, I had enough of that. With him I am in love, there is no doubt about that. What happened in Germany I don't kow for sure, it's my suspicions. May be he had a little crisis. Now he is older, we first met almost 5 years ago. Do you think it's worth it to give it another try, or 3 times is enough? My friend tells me I am crazy even considering starting it again, and better concentrate on finding someone who kow what he wants and who he wants.
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affair, kisser, one night stand, sex drive, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 May 2014):
 You two have tried 3 times and it didn't work. A fourth or fifth time won't make a difference.
You even feel pretty sure that he cheated on you while in Germany. So.. there is no trust.
He couldn't bother to wake up and take you home (honey, no one sleeps that deep...) so he didn't really have a lot of respect for you.
MOVE on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2014): No, don't go for it with this man. He isn't reliable or considerate and he has proven this to you many times already. Find someone else.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 May 2014):
 I'm with your friend too, at the third failed attempt ( and none lasted very long ! ) it's really time to give up and stop banging your head against brick walls. This guy is not going to give you what you want- except amazing sex. Which is great, of course, but ,... a relationship ? With ALL the ways he already showed you he couldn't care less ?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 May 2014):
 I'm with your friend... this is never going to be the relationship you want. I would not even bother to start up with him again.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (8 May 2014):
 "I am at the age (29) when I am seriously thinking of settling down and have a family."I would stop and think very carefully about settling down and having kids with someone that you have split with, argued with and so forth so many times. One minutes its non stop sex, the next minute arguments. This relationship is on/off, up/down far too much for you to even consider settling down and starting a family with this guy.At one point he is worshiping the ground you stand on and saying all the right things (normally when he is wanting you back or wants sex) and the next moment (usually when you have given him sex or a few weeks together) he goes all distant an strange. How would Oscar Wilde have put it? To have it happen one time...etc. The two of you have had a hat-trick, I feel a forth attempt wont be any different. OP it seems like you are nearing 30 and feel under pressure from either your bio-clock, pressure to fit in with others your age or simply the realization that time is flying by to settle down and have children. Making that kind of commitment, and bringing a baby into this world, is not a decision to be made lightly. Yet it seems as if you want to grab this guy and settle with him, despite your obvious differences, to fall in line with your "need" to settle down.Do you want to settle down and have start a family with Him? Or do you just want to settle down and have children? If its the latter then its likely to end in tears. It needs to be with the right person, not the only option you have available at his moment in time. I think you are in love with an ideal version of him. You want to be with the person he is when he tells you how amazing you are and makes wonderful love to you. But that's a bit like being in love with a drunk when he is sober. He is not that person all of the time, he changes into someone distant, withdrawn and too willing to go out with mates than be with you. You dont share much in the way of mutual interests or hobbies and you also suspect and affair. Yet you want to settle down with this guy? Have his babies? I would move on, make a fresh start and find someone special who loves you always, not some of the time. To be honest OP reading through your question, its clear all this is based mainly around sex. At nearly 30 and wanting to settle down, a relationship should be about the whole package, not great sex and then an awkward following morning.
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