A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just recently found out that I am the oldest women my boyfriend has ever dated minus his ex wife who was 5 years older than me. I have been dating my boyfriend 6 months and he has already said he loves me and I don't doubt that he dose , but I recently found on his computer naked pics of a bunch of old girlfriends he admitted. They were in his trash folder I guess I was snooping lol ! but he gave me the pass words to his computer to use and I was not mad about the pics only upset that the girls were super young like 21 and 22 years old and beautiful ! My boyfriend is 40 years old and I'm 30 people say i'm an attractive women and I have been mistaken for 25 or 26 so I know I'm pretty but I can't compete with 21 and 22 year olds ! I feel so unattractive and insecure now. I know it's just me but I can't stop thinking of how old I am. He even calls me old lady and says I need to dress more age appropriate. He told me I was not 22 years old anymore and should ware dresses and heels. I have sort of a boho hippie style and ware flip flops all the time jeans and sun dresses and poncho sweaters which he hates. I feel like crap ! and am trying to change my whole style for him. He even picks my underware. How can I get over this and get my confidence back ??? Am I dressing too young for my age ? I mean how dose a 30 year old dress it's sort of an inbetween age. Thanks for any advice .... I just turned 30 by the way I guess I'm feeling it lol .
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 October 2014):
 54 here... wearing flats and jeans in the office today (we have no dress code)
I wear flats all the time including my boots and dress shoes...
my hubby is younger than I am and would prefer me to dress like a 20 something slut... NOT happening.
I live in yoga pants and jeans most of the time. he deals.
letting a man dictate how you dress is not reasonable.. why not put him in what you like a guy to wear including a man thong...
if you would not dream of dressing HIM to please YOU why do you think he has the right to dress YOU to please him.
Tell him to get over it and if he can't or won't... I'd do my own thing and let him go.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 October 2014):
 "How can I get over this and get my confidence back?" You just turned 30 and have been dating this guy for 6 months. He picks out your underwear and is negative and judgmental of your clothing choices.
You get over this by losing the loser. End the relationship. Seriously.
Then I would find a guy who likes you exactly the way you are.
This guy is a zero, though he appears to believe he's a ten. Blech. Dump!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 October 2014):
 He sounds like a moron.
Now I don't believe you can't DRESS up (more "fancy") when going out to dinner once in a while, but for HIM to try and dictate your dress? Nope. Not OK.
I'[m sorry picking out your underwear? What are you 3?
Tell him, honey I get it that you have preferences, but THIS is who I am, if you don't like it, find someone else to "mold" into your 'perfect" vision of a woman.
I'm 45 and I wear whatever I WANT to. I don't dress like some people "think" a woman in her 40's should dress - now I don't dress like I came out of Forever 21, but I dress UP when I want to and casual (like sweater dresses, boots and leggings - it's really starting to get cold here) I'd probably laugh if my husband tried to tell me what to wear.
You know FIRST it's the clothes he wants to dictate, next your hair, your make up, what you eat, who you talk to... and boom you will find yourself unable to do things without his approval.
Don't go down that road.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 October 2014):
 I'm 62 and wear flip flops and sundresses every chance I can. I also live in North Carolina so it's an extended season for both thank goodness. But one must go to work so then one must dress professionally, I have some high end flip flops I wear on those days, lol. Now my husband loves high heels on a woman and so I have numerous pairs that I wear for him, in the bedroom, and then they go right back into the closet. Anyway, tell your boyfriend to back off, you are a big girl and can dress yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2014): He is not someone you want to be involved with. A 40 year old man who dates 21 year olds? He tells you you're old and what to wear? What kind of bf is that? A rude, disrespectful, lousy one. Ditch him and find someone who loves you the way you are and wear whatever you want to wear.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (4 October 2014):
 First of all, are you kidding me?? You can't compete with a 21 or 22 year old?? Woman, please! Being 30 means you're still incredibly young! Yet just old enough to be mature, unlike these other babies he has dated in the past. 30 is NOT old. Get that out of your head and stop comparing yourself to children. You are a grown up, beautiful young woman.
Do not let this man tell you what you can and can't or should and shouldn't wear. You should wear whatever makes you feel most comfortable and from the sounds of it, you sound like you dress very cute. Don't let him make you feel old or out of style. You're your own person and be comfortable with your individuality. For what its worth, I turned 30 in February and I wear shorts, t-shirts, and sandals everywhere. And I'd be damned if someone told me to wear certain things more "age appropriate." I'm still young!! And I wear whatever I want!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 October 2014):
 My dear, you can SO compete with 21 and 22. When I was 30,ahem, modestly ... the young ones were eating my dust :).
Although, there's not, or there should not be , "competition " in love. He likes you because you are you, .. with the age spots ... and arthritic hands ... which you surely don't have yet,lol. I am sure he finds you sexy and if he took YOU on board, not only you can " compete "- you won.
He just does not like the way you dress, and, although I agree with the other poster , i.e. your SO should mind his business and not try to dictate or control what you wear , or worse, manipulating you into making you feel bad about what you wear so that you change FOR HIM..... on the other hand, I guess he is entitled to his opinion, he can say he likes you but does not like your clothes. You should understand that tastes vary and to tell you the honest truth, hoping that you do not hate me too much... for instance, I am not crazy about your choices either. ( Flip flops all the time ?... Maybe if you live in Southern California ... ). Maybe he would like you to make more of an effort, to see you more put together, more " polished "- but not just because you are 30 ( which, nowadays , is the new 20 ! ). You may think that what you wear says " boho " ... but to lots of people just says " lazy " or " frumpy ". Now , if you favour comfort over style , that's a legitimate choice, you know what counts more for you- then again, do not be upset if a man , or other people in general, thinks you could take more pride in your appearance and go for a tiny little bit more of 30something sophistication :).
What about compromising ?.You get to wear your usual stuff during the week, and smarten up on , say , weekend nights. You may want to make a try, and see how it works for you. Not because he says so, but.. because you may find fun to express DIFFERENT sides of your personality, and not typecast yourself like " that woman with the ponchos ".
Plus, at least if you dress a bit more grown up- at least you won't feel as if you are directly competing for attention with the teens- you'll be in all another category !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2014): He sounds like a control freak! He doesn't get to tell you what to wear and pick your clothing for you. That's not right! You need to nip that in the bud. Tell him that he is allowed to have an opinion on your clothes but you decide what you wear,not him. I think your style sounds like it's perfectly fine for your age. I think it would be fine for someone of any age. Don't listen to him. Who cares about young girls? If he wanted someone younger than he'd be with them but he chose you. Sounds like time he remembered that.
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