A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been having sex with a friend but he said he having been with anyone else but I caught him with another woman should I be angry or not because we are not dating? please help me because im mad as hell. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (18 October 2018):
 You're entitled to feel any way you choose, but you don't have a valid case against him.
Friends with benefits is a no strings attached hook up arrangement. When it comes to having sex with others he doesn't have to tell you anything, not if, when or who. Same applies to you.
FWB is not a simple, no strings attached arrangement. That's the lie folks tell themselves. The truth is there are ALWAYS expectations, it's just that they're left vague and open to interpretation.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (17 October 2018):
You’re not his girlfriend friend. The way I understand these FWB things is that they allow the participants unencumberec no strings sex. How can you be angry at him for giving you what you want?
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (16 October 2018):
 Of course not.
The whole idea is that you are FRIENDS with benefits. Do you get angry with your friends for talking to other people? I doubt it, so why would you be angry with someone when you’ve agreed the situation is sex on top of friendship? Nothing more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2018): OOPS! Found another typo!
"Then he'll pluck the very last nerve, and you'll kick his ass to the curb!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2018): [EDIT]:
"You're also sleeping with whomever he's slept with, other than yourself!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2018): Hey there now, play by the rules! The rules of FWB's is to not grow attachments!
You're just friends, not in a monogamous-relationship!
Neither party gets to set restraints on whom either of you dates, or can have sex with. You're buddies who have sex on occasion; and otherwise, you don't get in each-others way. There are no strings attached after sex. If you really wanted more, you shouldn't have settled for anything less! Your bad!
You're over 40; so you know this was gambling with your feelings!
When you decided to become FWB's, were you thinking you were going to pull the old bait-and-switch! I'm open to booty-calls, sexting, and casual-sex; then...gotcha!!! It doesn't work that way, and you're mature enough to know that.
He can lie all he likes; because what he does, and who he's doing, is none of your business. Same goes when you decide you've found another flavor; and a better joy-stick to play with. Maybe someone better, you can have for keeps!
It's time to break it off, now that you feel yourself getting jealous. You've become possessive; but he's not yielding to your concerns about his sexual-prowess, aside from an occasional tumble in the sack with you.
Be sure you get yourself a full battery of tests for STD's; to make sure you're still healthy and clean. You're also sleeping with whomever he's sleep with, other than yourself!
If whatever you have between you is just not enough? End it!!! Go find exactly what you want in a real relationship; with the right kind of guy, who wants the same thing.
You knew that is what you had to do before coming here. You just had to be told this by a few people; to give you a little push in the right direction. To help you to convince your heart of what was best for you; in spite of your feelings for him.
Okay girlfriend, now it's time to close the candy shop!
You'll suffer some emotional-withdrawal, and jealousy will overcome you in a rush. You'll get irritated with him enough to tell him to get lost (or use four-letter words); then you'll block his calls! Delete his phone number, ignore and expunge all his text messages; and you won't let him sweet-talk his way back.
Or...you will ignore what the last five people, and myself, have told you. You'll plot and scheme in an unsuccessful attempt to wrangle him into a monogamous-relationship. It won't work. You'll be pissed, frustrated, and bewildered. Then he'll pluck the very last nerve, and you'll kick his ass to the curve!!! You'll have no choice! Self-preservation is a powerful instinct! Plus your friends(or your conscience/common-sense) have been harping on you about it already!
He'll otherwise, just dump you! Turn to his line-up of other women who plays by his rules. FWB's is a game for players; and he has already played you, sister!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2018): I am in your age bracket and I have never entertained a FWB so not sure what the rules are. But I am guessing there is no exclusiveness and you are both free to do what you want as you are not in a relationship.
If he led you to believe otherwise I would go and get STI tested and maybe get him to wear a condom if he isn't already if you want to continue having sex with him
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (16 October 2018):
 For the sake of safety FWB relationships should be exclusive. of course the difference between an exclusive FWB relationship and a committed exclusive relationship is that the FWB relationship can be quickly dissolved if a noter partner comes along.
I see that I am a bit alone in this idea. But it's just common sense safety.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (16 October 2018):
 Are you upset about the sex or the lie? Clearly, lying when he has no reason to I find rather weird. I'd be pissed about that. Just so un necessary. No matter what the situation. no body likes being lied to. If it's about the sex then perhaps FWB type of relationships are not for you.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (16 October 2018):
 Him lying about it is risking your sexual health, so that needs to be addressed. Him having sex with others, though, is not something you can be upset about.
Find a FwB who won’t sleep with others, but who you won’t get attached to, or do what most people do and start dating to find someone who wants to be exclusive, after a month or so of that, *then* have sex. Otherwise you’re risking a lot.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (16 October 2018):
 You are not his girlfriend. You are his f%ck buddy. That is your choice but that also means neither of you owe the other exclusivity. You are entitled to be "mad as hell" but that won't make the slightest bit of difference to what he does.
Perhaps it would be better for you to excuse yourself from this man's harem, get yourself tested in case he has passed on anything unwanted in the STI department and then go and find yourself someone who wants to be in a proper relationship with you? It sounds like that may be what you need.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 October 2018):
 Why?
You have a FWB, NOT a relationship, there is no verbal agreement of exclusivity, right?
If you want a exclusive F-buddy or relationship don't settle for a FWB. He doesn't OWE you exclusivity, you don't owe him that either. However, THAT is what you want... but that doesn't mean HE has to want to same.
If you are NOT OK with having sex with a guy who ALSO have sex with other women, STOP having sex with him.. EASY PEASY... What's the problem?
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