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... Send Wild Thaing a private message | | | Wild Thaing's profile:I came here looking for help, like many of you. Then I started giving advice on this site, and found out I'm not all that screwed up... yet :)
If you want to know more about me, just read my column of responses. I rarely pull punches, and where appropriate I'll throw in a detail about my life.
I firmly believe the following: While you may not be able to choose the situations in which you may find yourself, you can ALWAYS choose your responses to them.
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Leaving marriage for affair partner is that a good thing??
Q. I'm pretty much down to my last option. I'm a 37 year old married man, with two children. Have been married for 8 years, have been together for 15. I am in the middle of an affair. Not real proud of it, it is with a co-worker and it just happened...
A. 7 March 2008: Well, now that you've dragged innocent children into your mess, what do you want to hear from us?
It's clear that you have an inner voice that either you ignore or has completely lost its moral compass.
You can choose to continue to rati... (read in full...)
My 16 year old daughter is dating a 48 year old man!
Q. This problem worries me A LOT and I really need your help, so please help! Apologies for the length... sorry! I'm a mother of two, been married to my husband for 20 years - my son's 19 and in university (living away from home), my daughter's 1...
A. 18 August 2007: You are right to be concerned, and your husband is a twit for not being just as concerned.
I remember being 16. I knew everything that there was to know about a sheltered existence. And I thought that through my sheltered existence I would be... (read in full...)
He was texting a 24-year-old co-worker and finally confessed, what should I do?
Q. Am I over reacting? I noticed my husband was being a bit strange with me and couldn't sleep, went downstairs and found dating sites on the internet that he had joined. It was then that I noticed his phone was always in his pocket whereas befor...
A. 16 August 2007: You caught him in a lie. With this knowledge, do you think there is mutual trust and respect in this marriage? If you don't think so, then there is some hard work ahead for the both of you. Provided both of you want to save this marriage.
You k... (read in full...)
He sometimes mentions our age difference. What does that mean?
Q. Im 18 and hes turning 25, we flirt and kiss so much but he just mentions age just a little. What does that mean? Like. i like him alot and he likes me alot and he also says he just dosent wanna get in to trouble......
A. 16 August 2007: Sorry, I don't understand what you wrote. Can you give us some more details?... (read in full...)
Don't know whether to marry my "a-bit-boring" boyfriend, or not!
Q. I have been with boyfriend for over 5 years now and we are about to get married this year. We also have a place together. In the beginning I was truly in love with him and couldn't imagine my life without him, but as time went by I fell out of l...
A. 15 August 2007: Wow, did I just suffer from a brainfart or what? :)... (read in full...)
We are thinking of moving in with each other for conveniece purposes and we would love to give our daughter a "complete family".
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been divorced from my ex husband for 8 years. Since then we have remained in each others lives either as friends or parents to our daughter. We have had many fights but have always forgiven one another. We have both had relation...
A. 15 August 2007: If you and your ex-husband can show your daughter a relationship built on mutual trust and respect, then go for it.
But the two of you ended it for a reason. Are we to believe that this reason has suddenly disappeared?
"Convenience"... (read in full...)
Should I continue loving my cousin, or should I ignore my feelings?
Q. me and my cousin haven't seen each other since we where really lil kids finally we meet again after 17 years i feel strongly connected to her. we play around bit wrestling tickling etc. i cant keep my eyes off from her. i do like her allot. i don...
A. 15 August 2007: Does your cousin tell you that she returns your feelings? If no, then it's like any other relationship. You are the only one "in love" and you will need to move on to other relationships.
If she does return your feelings then understand all of t... (read in full...)
He is texting another girl saying i do his head in!!!
Q. I've been with my husband 6years now and married 2years and got a 1yr old daughter. Recently things haven't been good between us and I found messages on his phone from and to a girl who he works with saying how they missed and loved each other and ...
A. 15 August 2007: He's lying about the "just friends" part.
So now the ball is in your court. Do you want to continue to enable his cheating behaviour or do you want to salvage your self-respect?
A healthy marriage is based upon mutual trust and respect. It... (read in full...)
Don't know whether to marry my "a-bit-boring" boyfriend, or not!
Q. I have been with boyfriend for over 5 years now and we are about to get married this year. We also have a place together. In the beginning I was truly in love with him and couldn't imagine my life without him, but as time went by I fell out of l...
A. 15 August 2007: Your problems cannot be solved whilst you are in the arms of anyone.
Take a break from all romantic relationships while you try to sort yourself out. I see a disturbing pattern of co-dependency forming in all of your relationships. You are miss... (read in full...)
I know he loves me but he's still married, he says that he is going to get a divorce and we will get married and have a life together, but when!
Q. I am in life with a married man who in return really adores me as well. The problem is I do not know if we will be together or not. We have both liked each other for ten years, we use to go out drinking together with mutual friends and...
A. 15 August 2007: I'm with eyeswideopen on this one, but given that you have lowered yourself to settle for sloppy seconds I would doubt you currently have it in you to walk away from this relationship.
The anon poster who was also a "lady in waiting" is the voic... (read in full...)
I am in love with my wifes cousin, but I still love my wife, too!
Q. I have been married to my wife for 8 years and we have been together for 12. We have two daughters together (8 and 6). I have a huge problem that has been tearing me apart for a very long time and I am hoping that some outside advice will help...
A. 14 August 2007: At this point, you have caused a great deal of damage to your family. Don't cause more by trying to alleviate your guilt.
You can't have your cake and eat it too. Didn't you learn this the first time? Be a man and spend some time on your own... (read in full...)
My best mate doesn't take an interest in talking to me anymore since she's got with her bf.
Q. Hi I need some advice please. My best friend of almost 10years doesnt seem to open up to me anymore, or be all that interested in doing girls stuff together - since she started going out with her fella. They've been together for just over a year, an...
A. 13 August 2007: When there is mutual trust and respect in any relationship, there is also reciprocation. Your friend, by not reciprocating, has shown that she does not respect you.
It took me over twenty years to discover that certain friends who I thought ... (read in full...)
He sometimes mentions our age difference. What does that mean?
Q. Im 18 and hes turning 25, we flirt and kiss so much but he just mentions age just a little. What does that mean? Like. i like him alot and he likes me alot and he also says he just dosent wanna get in to trouble......
A. 13 August 2007: If he brings up your age or his age or the age gap then it is safe to say that age is weighing on his mind. Therefore, it would be best to lower your expectations about this guy until you are both comfortable about the age gap.
He definite... (read in full...)
SITE NEWS: Please beware of private messages from strangers asking for money or promising riches!
Q. Hi everyone We've had a couple of scammers posting private mails through the site. Please everyone use your common sense and keep yourself safe. This goes for all sites, not just this one! * Never give anyone your phone number or home em...
A. 11 August 2007: No no, say it ain't so. baby2love is not all mine? Oh woe to me...... (read in full...)
I want to leave my marriage, but dont know how to tell my husband
Q. I have been married for 8, almost 9 months and I want to leave. We dated for about 2 years, even though most of the first year was long distance. We lived together for the second and then got married. I've started to feel like we rushed everything ...
A. 10 August 2007: The threats of suicide amount to emotional abuse. Your husband uses these threats to control you by playing upon your guilt.
You are not responsible for his choices. But you are certainly responsible for yours. And by acquiescing to his mani... (read in full...)
My baby girl came into bed with me after being terrified of noisy fireworks; now she won't go back to her cot
Q. Hi i'm happily married with 2 kids. One is 17 and the other is 18months both girls. Well recently shes been sleeping with us. i know this may not sound like a big issue but to say shes that young shes growing up fast and is one of these babies that ...
A. 9 August 2007: Ah, the tough love approach. My wife used that on my daughter one night while I was away on a business trip. It worked! I guess I was the problem :)
Seriously though, flowergirl has made a great point about showing the kids who's the boss. T... (read in full...)
I'm 20 years old, and dating a 36 year old. What do you think?
Q. I am 20 and the guy I am starting to see is 36. I know how to handle myself as a woman so I'm not worried about getting to attached like most ladies my age... I know I know girls say that all the time but seriously I'm a very mature 20 year old. ...
A. 8 August 2007: Someone who is mature tends not to claim to be mature and then respond to feedback in the defensive manner you just exhibited.
Try to listen more and defend less. That is the mark of someone who is comfortable in her own skin. Maybe then I w... (read in full...)
I'm married and have been seeing a married woman; we know it's wrong but we're not happy in our marriages
Q. I am a 32 year old male and i have been married for seven years and have a son. Like all marriages we have had our ups and downs but i feel that my feelings for my wife are not as strong as they should be. Over the past two years i have developed ...
A. 8 August 2007: How can I be more blunt than...
You are already hurting your families. Don't hide behind a cowardly excuse to justify your deception, i.e. we don't want to hurt anyone by coming clean. If the two of you could see beyond your self-abs... (read in full...)
My baby girl came into bed with me after being terrified of noisy fireworks; now she won't go back to her cot
Q. Hi i'm happily married with 2 kids. One is 17 and the other is 18months both girls. Well recently shes been sleeping with us. i know this may not sound like a big issue but to say shes that young shes growing up fast and is one of these babies that ...
A. 8 August 2007: Your little girl is feeling unsafe in her own bed, and currently her only coping mechanism is to go to where she thinks it is safe - your bed!
Eyeswideopen has a good suggestion about using positive feedback, and that will work as a reinforc... (read in full...)
I'm 20 years old, and dating a 36 year old. What do you think?
Q. I am 20 and the guy I am starting to see is 36. I know how to handle myself as a woman so I'm not worried about getting to attached like most ladies my age... I know I know girls say that all the time but seriously I'm a very mature 20 year old. ...
A. 8 August 2007: If you are as mature as you claim to be, why do you care about what others think?... (read in full...)
My wife caught me talking to other women on dating sites.
Q. ok well here goes. i used to be on all these dating sites. then i got married. but i continued to go on them well. the other day my wife caught me, and seen that i had been talking to these women. so she then accused me of lieing, cheating, and meet ...
A. 7 August 2007: Buddy, time for you to man up and take responsibility for the consequences of your actions. Do not minimize the seriousness of your offence.
You deceived your spouse when you did not inform her that you continued to visit these dating sites - ... (read in full...)
He loves to eye other women be it any public gathering.
Q. I have been married for the last 5 years and I share a very good relationship with my husband but there is one thing we always disagree on. He loves to eye other women be it any public gathering. I have confronted him a lot of times and I am very ...
A. 7 August 2007: I'd say you are on the road to divorce because you and your husband have serious communication problems.
So your husband is denying that he has wandering eyes when you catch him in the act. I can see how you would consider his denials and defl... (read in full...)
what do I do with my anger at God?
Q. I am 46, my brother is 34. I just found out that my father molested him from age 10-16. I thought I was a grounded christian. Needless to say this has shaken my fundamental belief system to the core. I feel so lost, sorry for my brother, guilty. I ...
A. 4 August 2007: God would be responsible for your brother's horrible experience IF God caused it to happen. But He didn't.
God gave us the gift of free will, as Malyce pointed out. Therefore we choose the direction of our lives - not God. We can choose t... (read in full...)
His family forced him to divorce me and now he regrets it
Q. I recently got divorced after being with my husband for 12 years and we have 2 daughters. The oldest is mine as it is not his child, we only had 1 child married. My problem and question is this.We were having problems in our marriage and just fell ...
A. 4 August 2007: Good for you!
Now is the time to start healing and to lean heavily on your support system. You can finally see clearly how toxic your ex-husband has been in your family's life.
I think your girls will be grateful when they no longer have to v... (read in full...)
Should I put up with him going on 2 month long vacations without me?
Q. Am I overreacting? I live with my fiance and he said that he thinks we spend too much time together like any other couple that lives together and that we are starting to take each other for granted. So, therefore, he thinks the vacations that he has ...
A. 1 August 2007: "Would other girls put up with this?"
It only matters whether or not you are willing to tolerate this behaviour. After all, it's you who will be married to this guy, not other girls.
What does your inner voice tell you? That should be the gu... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesnt just glance at other women, he GAWKS
Q. Dear cupid, I have a question about men who gawk for long periods of time at other women. I understand that it is human nature for a man to glance. Is it a problem when it gets to the point to where my BF is spending the whole night at the pub gawk...
A. 1 August 2007: Regardless of the timing, let him know that you know that he ogles other women. If he flat out denies that he does it then your relationship is in serious peril. If he acknowledges it then ask him, "How does gawking at other women show respect for ... (read in full...)
My husband took another woman out on our boat while I was away
Q. My husband took a female friend/coworker out on our boat while I was away at a sporting event last weekend. He picked her up in her town (by water), met her at the dock of a hotel at the waters edge, took her for a ride approx 30 km north up the ...
A. 1 August 2007: You don't trust your husband... therefore you will have a hard time getting over the anger and hurt.
He thought this visit was innocent, but you think he crossed a boundary, so you decided to yank on the leash. If my assessment is incorrec... (read in full...)
Do you think that I can trust my wife with this man in our life?
Q. In May 2006 my wife of eight years began having an affair with a coworker. I confronted her a few weeks later and she said that their secret relationship was over. Throughout the rest of the year I correctly suspected that their affair was ...
A. 31 July 2007: So, you are willing to perpetrate a deception (claiming the unborn baby is yours) to cover up the result of a prior deception (the pregnancy of your wife through an affair)? Perplexing.
I can only imagine the moral confusion your children... (read in full...)
I feel we've grown apart - should I leave my husband?
Q. I Love my Husband but am not In love with him. I have been with my husband for 18 years ( he was my first relationship), until recently i thought we had the perfect marriage 2 children , nice home etc. Then i met someone at work who i am very att...
A. 31 July 2007: Divorce is not the only option but right now it will be the most damaging.
If you choose divorce at this point, you will destroy your family. Let's take off the rose-coloured glasses here - the pain of divorce will be fully felt by your children... (read in full...)
Is it healthy for us to go out seperately?
Q. my fiance says it is healthy for the both of us to go out alone with our friends.Is that true or not?...
A. 30 July 2007: In healthy, trusting relationships, guys' night out / girls' night out is generally not a problem.
Why do YOU think it is a problem? Please give us an honest answer so that we can provide our perspectives based on the best information.... (read in full...)
His family forced him to divorce me and now he regrets it
Q. I recently got divorced after being with my husband for 12 years and we have 2 daughters. The oldest is mine as it is not his child, we only had 1 child married. My problem and question is this.We were having problems in our marriage and just fell ...
A. 30 July 2007: I'm with Sugarbuns - It's time for you to define the boundaries of your relationship with your ex-husband and tell him explicitly. He behaves as if he is cheating on his mother with you. A sick thought, but if the shoe fits...
That your 6-year o... (read in full...)
I'm his wife, yet he loves his first fiancee more.
Q. my husband and i have been married almost 2 years, together for 4 1/2. about a month ago he announced he wanted a divorce. apparently he found the "love of his life" a woman that had been his first fiance, 27 years ago. i was unaware that we were ...
A. 30 July 2007: Let me get this straight. Your husband declares his undying love for someone else and wants you to move out?
You may not want divorce but you will have to consider the possibility. It's probably time for you to see a lawyer and start the proc... (read in full...)
Do you think that I can trust my wife with this man in our life?
Q. In May 2006 my wife of eight years began having an affair with a coworker. I confronted her a few weeks later and she said that their secret relationship was over. Throughout the rest of the year I correctly suspected that their affair was ...
A. 30 July 2007: Well, do you think you have been treated with respect? Has your wife taken any concrete steps to prove that she is trustworthy?
Whatever decision you make about your marriage, let trust and respect be your guide. Good luck and take care.... (read in full...)
She believed I was having an affair and we split.. I am devastated! Any advice?
Q. We were together and in love for 5 years and had decided to get married. We arranged everything including the airline tickets for her family to fly in from Brazil. However in the last year of our relationship she gradually became more suspicious of ...
A. 30 July 2007: Wow, you got to the heart of the matter - trust and respect. Good for you!
I think you could give great advice on this forum if you chose to. Good luck and take care.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going through a divorce and is sometimes moody with me
Q. My boyfriend of two months is pending divorce from his wife. He is sometimes attentive and loving, sometimes moody and distant. I have done everything I can to show how I feel for him. Is this a lost cause or should I be more patient?...
A. 29 July 2007: Give him space, and plenty of it.
It's clear that he is carrying some major baggage and needs to process the failure of his marriage. Have you considered that you are the rebound relationship for him?... (read in full...)
His family forced him to divorce me and now he regrets it
Q. I recently got divorced after being with my husband for 12 years and we have 2 daughters. The oldest is mine as it is not his child, we only had 1 child married. My problem and question is this.We were having problems in our marriage and just fell ...
A. 29 July 2007: Well, based on your follow-up, your ex-husband hasn't cut the apron strings and does not have a clue. Too bad for him.
It is the height of immaturity when he blames his woes on everyone else but himself. It sure sounds like he ran from the arms... (read in full...)
His family forced him to divorce me and now he regrets it
Q. I recently got divorced after being with my husband for 12 years and we have 2 daughters. The oldest is mine as it is not his child, we only had 1 child married. My problem and question is this.We were having problems in our marriage and just fell ...
A. 27 July 2007: You're a very strong person to have come through such an ugly disappointment like this.
Well, are the kids better off without their father? Are you able to provide a loving and stable environment now that your corrosive in-laws are out of the p... (read in full...)
Its 7 years on and Im still thinking about her, do I tell her and risk the friendship ?
Q. I'm 24 years old and have been friends with this girl since high school. We both kind of mentioned to each other back in high school how we liked each other, but she had a boyfriend at the time so nothing ever came of it. Flash forward 7 years and ...
A. 27 July 2007: So you've been pining for this girl for seven years and built up a really good fantasy about how things will be IF she reciprocates. Try for the moment to set that fantasy aside.
You must (somehow) objectively assess the quality of the relation... (read in full...)
She believed I was having an affair and we split.. I am devastated! Any advice?
Q. We were together and in love for 5 years and had decided to get married. We arranged everything including the airline tickets for her family to fly in from Brazil. However in the last year of our relationship she gradually became more suspicious of ...
A. 27 July 2007: Your ex-fiancee is a big girl, and regardless of your efforts she will make her own decisions.
Do you want to be with someone that will assume that every move in your life is a pretext for cheating or engaging in deceit? Do you want your marriage... (read in full...)
What shall i do with my husbands online cheating?
Q. My question is 'what should I do with my husband'? He was caught in December meeting women online then calling them and then actually meeting in person two of them. He did not have sexual relations, but just the same it hurt. He promised...
A. 25 July 2007: You must decide if you can develop the in trust him that is the foundation of all good marriages. He has shown a propensity for deceit, which sets you and him very low on the trust scale.
Do you have any children?... (read in full...)
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