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Should I ask for the money again or just let it go and block her?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 May 2018) 12 Answers - (Newest, 21 May 2018)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone. I know this lady for few years and I can’t call her my friend but we hangout for a coffee sometimes. I find her cheap, not that she is not spending but just her attitude towards money. 2 months ago she was asking to attend an event with me so I gave her the details and the ticket price and she told me it’s fine and she would like to go with me. I got the tickets, $200. She said she will pay me back. I drove there with her and paid for the parking and everything costing me $300 in total. She didn’t spend a penny that night on anything. At the end of the even she gave me a check for $100 and askef me to do not cash it for couple of weeks as she wants the ex to pay for it. I don’t know but just got a feeling that it will never clear! I deposited the check and she messaged me couple of days later that oh I’m sorry the account, which is a joint account with her ex husband, doesn’t have enough fund and the check will bounce. So it did and I got charged $20 fee on top of that. She said I’m sorry and I will pay you back for the fees too. She asked me if I can provide her with my bank info so she send me a direct deposit which I refused and asked her to send me another check and don’t worry about the $20 fee.

She said sure I’ll send the check today. 2 weeks later still no check. I messaged her that I haven’t received any check and she said oh I was going to ask you about correct spelling of your last name! I spelled that and she said she will send me a check the same day and it was 3 weeks ago!

Now I’m thinking maybe the whole check issue was about to get my bank info which that was the last thing I would do! She is from a country which is well known for scamming and I really don’t know her well.

The money is not an issue for me. I usually never charge my friends but this was different. I found this really disrespectfull from her part to act like that over $100. She has a full time job and I know she is not struggling as she is going on overseas vacations few times a year.

It’s not about money it’s about letting her treat me this way and thinks she can get away with it. She could easily ask me that she wants to go and can’t afford it and I would get it for her but acting like this is really cheap.

Should I let it go and block her or ask her again?

View related questions: cheap, her ex, money

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (21 May 2018):

Honeypie agony auntYikes, she sounds like a right cow!

Glad you got your money back!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2018):

Should I let it go and block her or ask her again? I dont understand this question. Block her as soon you get your money back!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2018):

It is great you got your money back, now learn your lesson and don't lend out to people you know full well are bad characters, i would be very careful no matter who the person is. She is a piece of work but unfortunately people like her seem to do this to many people and get away with it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2018):

OP- update! Thanks everyone, I got my money plus the fees in cash. She is in the process of suing her neighbor over something stupid. I said “ you didn’t get injured why you are suing the neighbor?”. She laughed and said “ if I can get some money why not? I can use it on my next trip!” I was just stunned. She has no character. I’m done with her. I’m sure if I didn’t push her she wouldn’t pay me.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (18 May 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI feel very resentful when I have to ask for MY money from someone. It is just so rude and disrespectful.

I sold someone I know something a few years ago (for a lot less money than you are owed). They only had part of the money on them and said they would get the rest to me later. I waited a few weeks, then asked them for the rest of my money in front of a group of their friends. I told them, very firmly and loudly, "The money you still owe me from a month ago, I need it. Can you tell me when I can expect it?" I got it back pretty quickly. Some time later the same woman wanted to buy something else from me and I insisted on all the money up front before I handed it over.

This woman has proved she is not to be trusted. It's not that she can't afford to pay you back; it's that she has different priorities on HER money. You need to stop being so polite and INSIST on getting your money back. Tell her you NEED the money and need to know when you will get it back.

It goes without saying that you should NEVER trust her again where money is concerned.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2018):

I’m the OP- Thanks for the advices. I just texted her and she immediately replied that sorry I have been so busy and sick and forgot to mail it and I’ll give it to you when we meet. I said ok let’s meet tomorrow and she hasn’t responded yet! Let see if she pays me!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 May 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI also doubt you will see a penny of this.

IF she is to pay you she needs to pay you in CASH, you don't need any more fines from your bank because of HER writing bad checks.

Also... WHY would you pay all of it upfront for someone who isn't even a "real" friend? Someone you don't know how she handles money. Don't be that naive that when someone says I will pay that they will... many (like her) won't.

I like YouWish's suggestion of sending her a certified letter that she has 2 weeks to PAY up IN cash or you will go to small claims court.

My BIL had to do that with an ex-GF (long and dramatic story) but in short... SHE got SERVED and she DID show up and she DID pay him.

So, I DO think I would take that step and show her you aren't a push over. Once you have the money... block the cow.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (18 May 2018):

Small-claims court does the trick. There's just a small fee to file the claim, and you get that back! Don't call her about the money anymore; she'll receive a notification for an appearance.

She has the money, she's trying to pass if off on her ex.

If you want to keep friends and stay on good terms with family; don't lend money or make a major purchase without a signed and notarized promissory note. Don't be petty for amounts under $100. Don't lend money if you can't afford to!

Accept repayment in cash or certified-funds only!

Stay out of the lending business; unless you're a good collector. Otherwise; give generously with no expectation to receive anything in return. Or, hire goons to muscle your funds back! I'm joking! Don't go thug over $200!

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (18 May 2018):

YouWish agony auntDemand cash, not checks. Businesses are smart enough to require cash or money order if a check bounces.

I would keep on her, and honestly, people don't agree with me, but in my line of business, I've had to pursue people who refused to pay me by suing them. In a small claims setting in the US, it's a very small fee (in some states as low as $5) to file a lawsuit, which for most people, even the threat of getting sued scares the absolute piss out of someone, and most of the time, they'll pay.

Save all correspondence, texts, emails, letters, the bounced check, the bank statement, because those are proof of the fact that she owes you. $300 is a lot of money! If it were $20, I'd say forget it, but that amount is abusive if she's taking vacations and stiffing you.

Tell her in a certified letter that your patience is at an end, that you've attempted to get paid back for two months, and that if she doesn't get you your money in 7 days IN CASH, not check, that you are filing in small claims court. Watch her tune change then!

Trust me, small claims is really easy, and you don't need a lawyer.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (18 May 2018):

Anonymous 123 agony auntI don't think you should let it go. It's your money, ask her, hunt her down, don't take no for an answer till you get it. Once you do, THEN block her.

I think she's just one of those cheap people who think they can get away with not paying. Send her a strongly worded message and call her if necessary. Tell her that you need the money and add in the $20 as well in the total... Why should you let that go?

Don't let her get away with this OP.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (18 May 2018):

N91 agony auntI doubt you’ll get the money back also.

All you can do is keep asking until she feels nagged into doing it. I wouldn’t immediately jump to the fact that she’s asking for your bank details as a scam also, my friends and I quite often share bank details to send and receive money between each other. It’s likely that it could be a scam but it’s not for definite. Online banking makes paying people extremely easy.

Just keep messaging her each week and ask where the money is. She will either get so tired of it that she sends the money or she blocks you. Either way will result in the end of the situation. Take this as a lesson not to lend money in future, especially to someone you don’t even class as a friend.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2018):

I seriously doubt that you'll ever get your money back.

How well do you know her?

You can ask her to give it to you in cash, but be firm and serious.

I would NEVER EVER ask anybody for their bank account details. It IS a scam.

What I find weird though is that you kept hanging out with her in the first place, even though you had spotted a problem long time ago.

I have a (real) friend whom I've know since childhood who's always had money issues. She's always been really comfortable with other people paying for her, staying with other people for months and not paying for food even. So whenever we hang out I either make it clear in advance that I cannot/won't pay for her or we chose something that is free. I like her, it's just the way she is. She's definitely not the person to lend money to. I would never accept to pay for anything in advance.

So, why did you do that? If you cannot answer this question, be careful it may happen to you again with someone else.

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