A
female
age
26-29,
*evpls
writes:This is my first post so I'll try not to make it too wordy. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. About 10 months ago, I broke up with him because I felt like I needed more sexual experience before we settled down. He was heartbroken and for the duration of our breakup (6 months) he was too upset to see other people. He waited all that time for me to come back and I can tell I hurt him alot. Recently, he cheated on me. He told me and cried straight away about it but he proceeded to tell me that he thinks he feels the same way I did all those months ago. We were eachother's first everything and for me to have slept around a bit and him to have not, he feels jealous. He said that if there's any chance of us in the future, he needs the same time I had to figure things out. He's my best friend, so handsome, the kindest person I've ever met and I honestly believe we're meant to be together forever even though it took me a while to realise it. He says he sees me as his wife someday and that we will get back together if I just wait this out.I guess what I'm asking is if I should let him have this time or just break it off completely and move on with my life while he goes off and sleeps with other girls? Or consider an open relationship where he can just do that and not tell me? We do long distance weekly so I would be none the wiser. I can't lose him!
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best friend, broke up, cheated on me, get back together, heartbroken, jealous, long distance, move on Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2016): I was in a similar situation to your BF as a teenager. Take it from me, what you had before with this guy is gone. The best you can have with him now is to rebuild something different.
He wants his old GF back. But you aren't her anymore. You are capable of leaving him to sleep with other guys. His old GF had never done that and he didn't think she was capable of it. You cannot go back to being that girl anymore.
Right now he is trying to make himself feel better by evening the score. This might help rebuild some of his lost self respect but it won't heal the problems with you & him.
You can wait for him if you want. He will probably appreciate that. But don't assume he will take you back later because you waited for him now. It might happen or it might not.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2016): I can understand that feeling of being confined by being with your one and only and wanting more sexual experiences. You were right to be open with him about your interests, instead of cheating behind his back. Doesn't mean this didn't cause damage, but I still think you were right to open about it.Now, should you have the same treatment done to you? Overall, your post reads like you are already NOT okay with it. In my view, this is a judgment call. Why do you think you can't handle him doing the same thing you did? SHOULD you be able to handle the same thing? My relationship started open and we just keep lines of communication open about our wants or needs. Right now, we're both happy with each other, but at least speaking for myself, I don't think it's right to hold someone back from sexual experiences if it makes the person happy- as long as they use protection, and I trust him to use protection. To people in open relationships, it's more about letting the other love and be their fullest expressions of themselves, and it is love to let the other person feel that fulfillment. Overall, dearcupid can be a demographic a little more conservative. Most advice you'll receive is this is a recipe for disaster. But it really is a matter of mindset, what works for you and him, and knowing yourself, what your boundaries are, what you can accept and not accept in life. Sorry this is a bit of a non-answer, but my answer is basically "it depends on you." Like I said earlier, sounds like this might be crossing your lines. And if that's the case, after reflecting on why, and deciding that your view is justified, choose your path and stick with it.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (14 June 2016):
 You lost him when you broke up 10 months ago. It's not healthy to break up, sleep with others, then get back together. Quite frankly, once you find the person you want to spend there at of your life with, you won't feel the desire to get more experience - it just won't be important to you. It was to you and now to him, which points at it not being the right relationship for either of you. You wouldn't have felt like you needed experience with anyone but him and he wouldn't now, if you were meant to be together for life. It's best to just break up - he hasn't got over what you did and you won't get over this if he does it either. An open relationship also won't give you what you want: him staying faithful. You don't want him to sleep with others, but he does. The shoe is on the other foot now and it's just going to drag your relationship down further. Let go of the relationship; it wasn't meant to be.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (14 June 2016):
 You say you cannot lose him, but if you had an open relationship I am sure that you would be left wondering what he is doing all the time, who he is seeing, not to mention the risk to your sexual health. The thing is you had time to figure this out while he was left heartbroken, yet he gave you that space, maybe now it is your turn to return the favor. I am not sure if it will work out between you both in the end once all this messing around is done, one thing is at least he was honest about cheating, although what he done was still wrong. If he feels the need to be single for a while I guess you just need to let him go and get on with your life, maybe in the future your paths will cross again. But please don't wait around for him, go and enjoy your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2016): He was heartbroken that you broke it off for more 'experience' which honestly sounds absolutely gut-wrenchingly rude/painful/disrespectful to him. If my boyfriend broke it off with me to have sex w/ more women so he can have 'more' experience, Id dump him and never speak to him again. He took you back because he loved you but I dont think it will ever be the same. He wants do the same you did to him. Its a cycle of pain and revenge and its better off you guys end it now when youre still young
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