A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm stuck for what to do. I've been with my girlfriend a few years now, and a few months ago we told each other's deepest secret (Here I was thinking it would be an interesting game to play, but really didn't expect anything like she told me). Basically, she had lost her virginity when she was 14, going 15 to a teacher at her school. He's married, with kids all older than her and made her do a lot of bad things. They had an almost 2 year affair until she left school, and then he continued to see her afterwards. Anyway, during college he got in contact with her a few times and she says she just ignored him.Anyway, he is still teaching now, the thought of it just sickens me. She's kept literally hundreds of emails and notes from him but at best they're only playfully flirting - nothing that would necessarily be used as evidence. Though there is a lot of "read between the lines" messages.A few weeks ago, she had her 21st birthday and an email from him. The whole thought of him really gets to me but I don't know what to do. She obviously doesn't like to talk about him much and I don't think she would have the courage to report him or anything. My question is, is there anything I can do? Or is it not of my concern?Thank you.
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male
reader, rhino +, writes (28 September 2007):
 firstly this has happen before you met her,enjoy who she is now,we all have a past,good and bad,but you must trust her.if she needs to talk about,listen,do not bad mouth her,she is with you,if the teacher still tries to get in touch,what i would do is,print off her e-mail and texts,make copies,and go and see him,tell him you have talked to her amd if you carry on,i will report you to the school and the police,show him you mean it and show him some of the e-mails,he will then back off,but first you have to tell you girlfriend what you are doing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone - kirstylouise, i'll post any updates here but I completely agree with you and others, she needs to be in control now and as such, everything needs to come out at her own pace. Thank you
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A
female
reader, kirstylouise +, writes (27 September 2007):
Hay - ive read your question and all the comments that have been submitted and there are a few points of my own that I would like to say.
Firstly I have so much respect for you for being so concerned about the welfare of your g/f and this mans current, past and future students.
I really feel for your g/f as something like this happening is horrible to have to go through. Although she wasn't forcefully raped (no violence used) the mental and emotional damage that she would have occurred is something that is not easily fixed so her telling you is a huge step, so please try and make yourself availablefor her to talk to without judging her.
Although my main concern is the safety of those in contact with this PIG im also aware that your g/f is going through a rough time herself.
I know she doesn't like talking about it to you but the fact that she knows you now know may cause her to open up as time goes on, just remember to always make her feel safe and loved and IN CONTROL. I wouldn't be surprised if she was feeling embarrassed, confused, hurt, used and guilty for doing what she did but she needs to come to terms with the fact that this is not her fault and that she did nothing wrong! after saying all that YOU need to reassure her by telling her that although she may not have felt in control at the time (as someone of his experience would know how to woe a young girl) she is now. SHE is in the position of power as she has the choice of reporting him or not. Just think how good it will feel when she can finally hold her head up high and say 'this is what happened to me and you know what I survived and came out fighting!'
As for reporting him to the school - is there no way you could report him anonymously? An accusation like that im sure will be looked into with great seriousness, also even if they don't find anything his collegues will be keeping a close watch on him and his students so if nothing else he won't really have the freedom to pray of his students.
I think you need to let your g/f work to her own pace but at the same time you still need to encourage her to come forward and to talk about it because if nothing else it may help her move on, you also need to remind her that what happened was illegal on HIS part and that she was the victim.
If possible could you please write back and let us know how your g/f is getting on.
Take care xox
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (26 September 2007):
 I think it is of the concern of his present, future and even past pupils. This teacher pbviously abused his authority and position, and is in fact a paedophile.
I can appreciate what a delicate situation it is, and you should feel really honoured that your GF felt she could tell you - I assume she hasn;t even told her parents.
You should maybe write her a letter, explaining your feelings on it, and why you feel she should report him. If you write it in a letter you can get all your feelings across and really have a think about what you want to say, and give her the time to read and digest it, rather than discussing it and running the risk of emotions running high and pushing her away.
A friend of mine was in a similar situation. She thought she would be all alone and that people would shun her, but when she came out with the truth, it was amazing that 3 other girls came forward too, and the man was convicted.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): I think it's awful she didn't report him when she got older and realised it was wrong. He may be doing this to other young girls who in the future will regret it. YOU or your g/f need to tell the school, she's got the love notes and so on. Your g/f obviously very selfish, thats an quality I hate. I have a young daughter, she may be put right in that teacher hand and it's partly your g/f fault.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): This teacher needs reporting to the principle and the police. All that needs to be said is that it has only recently come to light and that is being mentioned to protect other underage girls and maybe even boys from suffering under this mans power.
Who knows how many lives this man has entered in an unappropriate way, he has probably caused students years of fear and tormenting thoughts and then there is the torture of keeping such a secret.
There is nothing you can do about your girlfriends past but you can be then when she needs to talk as hard as it may be for you, think of how long she has suffered. I think she needs to cut all contact with this man as it is only prolonging his grip over her.
Infact, I might be tempted to write a letter to the lady of his house letting her know that she is living with a pervert. For the safety of their children.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (26 September 2007):
It's not your problem. Let it go. I hope you don't let it interfere with your relationship with her.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (26 September 2007):
 That is the problem, would she be ready to report him to the authorities or not? Even if you report him to the school, you'd still need her, and it would still be advertised.
It is but it isn't your concern. I would say if it was just an affair, that's one thing, and would not be your concern. The other is him being a teacher and possibly now as you ask your question and I answer, there is another girl who is being violated by this person. Who knows how many there has been, or will be. I'm 36 and my daughters are now having the same teachers I did in junior high school. How many people in that much time could this person get too.
I know she doesn't like talking about him much, those who have been violated don't. She's out of the bad situation, which is good, but could someone else being violated be the difference of standing up for justice and not? All though she didn't have the adult strength when she was 15, does she have it now, which can save another child from going through the same thing she went through, and by doing so, give her a sense of closure for what happened to her.
You would need her to do anything, but these are some things to think about. This person is a PIG, and she has the power to stop him from pigging out on other girls.
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