A
male
age
30-35,
*ylan co
writes:Hey all I appreciate any advice.I have been with my gf for 10 months I'm 21.So this is why I'm posting:Basically she masturbates using the method of crossing her leg and squeezing. She never masturbates with fingers. When I ask what she prefers of cross leg or sex and she doesn't give me an answer. Being paranoid I'm sure, I've read up online about the crossed leg squeeze technique and some girls say they really seem to prefer it. I'm wondering if any girls who do cross leg can say in their opinion which is better of that or sex. And any guys if they have any experience of dating girls like this, and just simply did it affect the relationship/did you get round it or utilise it somehow? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 October 2012):
 " sex is when I want to make love and masturbation is when I want to feel good. Am I wrong?"
Somewhat right. Can't speak for all women, and we aren't machines, sometimes there are different reasons behind an action. But I guess you could say so.
However, some women would rather work-out to feel good, and dislike touching themselves. And most women feel good when having sex as well, so it's not like sex isn't just good just because masturbation is also good.
I don't know about your girlfriend, if she honestly prefers masturbation over sex then maybe she isn't the girl for you. But women in genereal, as with men, think there is a big difference between sex with a person and masturbating. Most women I know of would either not choose between the two (I wouldn't choose, the one isn't better than the other because they are different), but I do know some women who actually dislikes masturbating.
If your woman sincerely prefers masturbating over having sex with you (which I doubt, but if she's actually told you so then I guess it is true), then maybe she isn't for you. I'm not sure I would want to be with a man who prefered masturbation over sex. Because it'd make me feel second best. But I don't mind a man who enjoys masturbating, as long as he doesn't put it above sex. But there's no need to put sex above masturbation either... the two are different like I said.
But putting masturbation over sex basically means you aren't that interested in sex... in general. It doesn't really say much about how great an orgasm you achieve, it says more about a lack of interest in sharing something intimate with a partner... It would mean a person has a low sex drive, and doesn't want sex often.
A
male
reader, dylan co +, writes (7 October 2012):
dylan co is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPutting it simply as u say yes I prefer sex more because its a vagina.
I prefer sex to masturbation for 2 reasons. Yes one of them is the fact I'm with someone. Also tho on a physical level in terms of feeling I much prefer it to masturbation. I like the overall feeling more while I'm in and again prefer the orgasm from sex as opposed to by myself for physical reasons. I'm solely talking about the feeling in my penis, not other feelings I get from her there.
Yes when she gives me a handjob its not as good as when I do it and I'd rather have her than me do it. But again I prefer sex.
And I wasn't aware that women weren't built for sex/orgasms as much as men... unless u mean they harder to achieve then fair but I thought that women have much more sexual potential.
And talking again about the difference between sex and masturbation. what I basically feel from most women posters on here they are saying - sex is when I want to make love and masturbation is when I want to feel good. Am I wrong?
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (7 October 2012):
 What is it that makes sex way better? Do you think that it's simply a vagina, or is it also that that vagina is attached to a person who has emotions and makes noises and is warm and moves and breathes and has pheromones and is connecting with you? Sex is not mostly about the physical thing. If it was we'd all just get sex toys, call it a day and be single.
The way she masturbates is not the issue here. If she used her fingers, your fingers would never be able to feel as good as hers. If she gives you a handjob it will never feel as good as when you do it yourself. But that's all physical. When she gives you a handjob it feels more fun, right? Not because it physically feels better, but because it's her who's doing it.
Even when my virgin boyfriend could not give me an orgasm, I still would take orgasmless awkward sex over masturbation because it was something I was doing with him. Even having sex that was chafe-y and hit my cervix and was more uncomfortable than pleasurable was STILL better than masturbation just because I was doing it with him.
You're underestimating what sex is and overestimating what masturbation is. Sex is not just a physical thing, it's a chance to "connect" with your partner, something you do with your partner, together. It's as much if not more mentally pleasurable than physical and masturbation will never be able to substitute for that. Most women have trouble reaching orgasm at least sometimes, many have to finish themselves after sex, many never have an orgasm with their partner, ever. We're just not as built for it as men. That does not mean we don't love sex and love having sex with our partners. It's not all about the orgasm!
...............................
A
male
reader, dylan co +, writes (7 October 2012):
dylan co is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAgain maybe being naïve and young about giving her best orgasm. If I need to learn then I'll never be as good I guess I just need time
...............................
A
male
reader, dylan co +, writes (6 October 2012):
dylan co is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindycares I think I've been too aggresive. I came on this website to get advice on a topic I don't feel comfortable talking about with friends, not attacked for a foolish insecurity I'm starting to think I may have.Maybe I am being young and naïve, but the issue of cross legs does trouble me. I have no issue with the amount she masturbates. If anything I always enjoyed hearing about it and still do. Its just idk I always assumed she used hands or a toy, something which I could recreate or do for her, not a technique which I can't help with.I still appreciate what u had to say but I don't enjoy answers that are cryptic or say the two are different. Maybe I am foolish so don't see the bigger picture yet when people say different.And yes of course I masturbate but for me I much prefer sex so unless I'm doing something wrong I was disenhearted to hear the answer different from the gf. I much prefer sex and can compare the two easily in 'rank' and feeling but maybe that's just me.And 31 was a bad age example maybe I do mean 50, (I'm 21, 31 is not far seems far enough right now)
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 October 2012):
 Sageoldguy is , alas for you, totally right.
You put all this useless focus on the cross leg thing, but that's just a different method to the same end. Whether girls cross their legs, or use their fingers, or rub themselves against a lamp post in the street ( no girls don't do that, people may notice and take umbrage ) masturbation is masturbation , and they use it to give themselves orgasms by themselves.Without a partner.
Now, are you saying that you don't ever want to be with a woman who masturbates ? Who can give herself an orgasm- witgout you ?
Then good luck, OP, really good luck, you need it to find this rare female specimen. Women DO pleasure themselves, when they are single and also when they are not . They may talk about it less than men, but they definitely do it .
As for comparing orgams from masturbations and from sex with a partner- I don't think we can even talk about " better ", it's just two different things for different momemnts, different moods and different needs.
What is better, the sky or the sea ? . You really can't choose, you don't WANT to have to choose ? Oh no, then you must be lieing.
As for assuming that at 31 you'll be worse in bed than at 21, you are asuming all wrong. Chances are that you will be much better at 31. Maybe you will have a tad less stamina than now ( then again, 31 is not exactly over the hill! ) but , at least, you will not be anymore so egocentric ,insecure, and sexually clueless , that you 'll have to ask this type of questions...
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (6 October 2012):
 Well Dylan to restate what I said before, long term it worked out ok for me.
I also don't think it could have been answered better than sageoldguy just said.
FA
PS 46 is a much bigger worry than 31. Not so much less skilled or attentive, more of mechanical problems.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 October 2012):
 dylan: Just a bit of a hint from an old guy who really has been close to (one or more) women in the past.....
You write: "Also quite selfishly I don't know if I'd want a girl who can give herself much better orgasms than I can."
HINT: You are going to find that somewhere close to 100% of all the women you meet will fall in to this category...
Sex/lovemaking isn't really a contest by which your manhood or worth is measured. It is a form of expression which has little or no need for selfishness.... in fact, it's quite the OPPOSITE of selfish....
Good luck in the future....
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (6 October 2012):
Then I suggest you improve your skills at oral sex. If you want to give "better" orgasms. But really.. like I said before, it is two different things.
Don't you ever touch yourself and get an orgasm on your own? You talk as if you aren't aware of the difference, as if you've never masturbated yourself. It's not a competition. And by 31 you wont be worse in bed, why would you? Are you planning on becoming less attentive and lazy?
...............................
A
male
reader, dylan co +, writes (6 October 2012):
dylan co is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for everyones input but I still don't know if I can get past it. Without trying to seem arrogant, I've always thought quite good at sex and its almost a blow.
If it is more intense by herself I worry, if assuming we stayed together for another 10 years, will she keep enjoying sex, I'm also assuming I'm gona be worse in bed when I'm 31 not 21.
Also quite selfishly I don't know if I'd want a girl who can give herself much better orgasms than I can.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (3 October 2012):
 You can't compare the two, they are completely different sensations and purposes. Is masterbation better than sex? Both have their pleasures. Woman who orgasm by the squeezing method will do well if you learn how to apply the right pressure to her clit during foreplay. It will mimic the sensation she gets when she's alone. This will take practice and patience. She may be able to show you how much pressure she likes. If you know what you're doing it will work and be quite enjoyable. Even if she can give herself a slightly more intense orgasm that doesn't mean she should only have an orgasm alone, that is pretty empty. It may be quick and easy to do at times, but the whole point of having sex with a man is to explore sensations together and to connect to each other on a deeper level. Don't be tured off by her method of pleasure, it's just what works for some women. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 October 2012):
If I had a nickel for every time I learned that a girl did something/anything else to avoid having sex with me.... I'd be a VERY WELL-TO-DO man.....
P.S. Tell your girl that crossing her legs may lead to vericose veins!!!.....
P.P.S. It will, on the other hand, assure that she doesn't incur carpel tunnel, elbow and rotator cuff problems!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (2 October 2012):
 I do it that way. As everyone else said, they're two different things. But I prefer masturbation to sex. That's a personal preference. But that doesn't mean that she does too. It has nothing to do with masturbation technique.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 October 2012):
 which is better steak or pecan pie?
you are asking which is better masturbation or sex...
well it will depend on the goal...
if the goal is to be intimate with a partner then sex is better.
if the goal is an intense release brought on my an orgasm then masturbation gets my vote...
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 October 2012):
It's no different from any other form of masturbation, just a difference in how she gets there. The way you hold your penis when you masturbate doesn't affect anything either. If masturbation was ever in contest with your sex life it wouldn't be because of how she does it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (2 October 2012):
Yes Dylan Co,
I dated a girl like that. Married her in fact. Turns out she is one of the lucky women who can orgasm from penetrative sex. As far as utilizing it together, never happened. I don't think it affected the relationship adversely. Like the women have said it was something separate from our love making. Not in competition with it.
FA
...............................
A
male
reader, dylan co +, writes (2 October 2012):
dylan co is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChigirl thanks for your answer it is a case of comparing masturbation but not so simply cos as I said she doesn't use fingers or toys by herself which is basically what I do when we have sex (sub penis for toy)
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 October 2012):
Isn't this exactly the same as asking which do guys prefer, masturbation or sex?
They're two different things, for different occasions. The one isn't better than the other, each thing is good in it's own way. It's like asking what is better, boots or sandals. Boots are great for a rainy day, but sandals are best for hot summer days at the beach... They're both great, but at different occasions! One isn't better than the other, they have their own two unique purposes. Maturbation is sex with yourself. Sex with a partner is .. sex with someone else basically. Two different things, and they can not be compared.
...............................
A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (2 October 2012):
 I use this sometimes and it's not even a question- sex is much better. Just because she enjoys this doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy you!
Best of luck!
...............................
|
