A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure how to get out of this situation and need some advice please.About 3 -4 months ago a work colleague asked me if she could borrow £20 as another colleague in the office had a birthday and had invited us all out to dinner but my colleague emailed me saying she was really embarrassed to ask but could she borrow £20 otherwise she wouldn't be able to go and promised she'd pay it back in the next pay day- the following week. She did pay it back, 2 weeks later. A few weeks after that she came in to work looking quite distressed and once again emailed me asking to borrow £30 as she had accidentally gone overdrawn. I gave her the money - which she was really grateful for and then paid me back 5 weeks later.Last week she texted me late at night asking me to transfer her £50 as work had messed up her pay and she didn't have enough to cover her bills - being the idiot that I am I transferred it over. She then 2 nights after that sent me another text asking for another £50 as the £50 I previously sent wasn't enough. I texted her back and explained I couldn't lend her it due to my own bills being due to come out. She then asked if I could lend her £20 instead and I once again explained I had no spare money. She then had the cheek to tell me ask my husband for it (my husband runs his own company and is very successful) so financially we are comfortable and she knows that.I told her that I never rely on my husbands handouts and she said no more on the matter.I then found out by another work colleague that this woman has been asking to borrow money from several others at work - not as much as me- mainly £10 here and there and not only that but I believe both her and her husband do drugs so no doubt that's why she keeps asking for money. Her husband has also been in prison in the past for violent behaviour and an attempted robbery.I 'm absolutely dreading the next time she asks - of course I will make an excuse and not give it to her but her attitude on her last text really angered me. I worried she may use the fact that my husband has money to threaten me or something- I know it's sounds irrational but she also knows where I live and now I know her husbands past I feel so uncomfortable.She has only been with the company 7 months and we always got on really well but now I just want to distance myself.Any advice on the matter is appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2015): This sounds like my ex. You have written an almost perfect description of him!He once asked me to pay a parking ticket for him and he would "give it back". It was almost 100 dollars. I said no I couldn't, at this point it was coming to the end of the relationship as I was getting wise to him asking for 50 dollars here, 60 dollars there which he ALWAYS promised to pay back and of course I NEVER saw the money again. I used to wonder what he needed it for. The parking ticket wasn't a sham though and I recall him phoning a friend, inviting him over and promptly cadging the necessaries out of him!I eventually found out he had a gambling addiction, losing anything between 10 -30 dollars a day and often more. I now believe he was asking me for money to pay friends back and used me when I was around to pay off specific debts, and no doubt it was a cycle of borrowing from one person and paying them off a few weeks later after getting money from another person. Except as his girlfriend, he expected not to have to pay me back and despite asking for it to be repaid, he accused me of lieing about ever giving it to him in the first place!BEWARE! Don't get screwed over. This woman has serious debt, whatever has caused it. Drugs, credit cards, gambling... or propping up an addict husband. She may even lose her job if this continues. Just steer clear.I got screwed over and should have seen it coming. I was lucky not to lose more than maybe 500-1000 dollars over a few years all told. But I worked hard for that. Don't be this person's mug!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 November 2015):
 I'm with YouWish.
You need to stay firm and say no, I'm not a bank. I have my own finances to worry about, and I keep my own budget.
The thing that stuck out the most for me, was when she told you to call your husband. Seriously? This is a person I'd back away from in a heartbeat, because that means she doesn't respect you one bit, you have lend her money, before so now she expects you to fall in line and cough up. Not only that She promised to pay back the next day and it took her 3-5 week to pay you back.
This is a clear "case" of someone who is given and inch and tries to take a mile. She might have initially been nice, but she is also VERY manipulative.
I don't think you need to worry about her husband. And IF she threaten with him you GO straight to your boss/HR and the police.
I'd be polite and professional at work with her, but otherwise not socialize with her. No hanging out after work, or drinks... She is a person who LOOKS for people who are nice and easy to use, that is why she has asked multiple people - she is testing the waters.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (19 November 2015):
 Hi you certainly need to step back from her.
She sounds like Trouble all the way. Hope she does not handle any financial.
transactions at work. Because it sounds like she is undisciplined with money and has a growing problem, where there may never enough money, for her.
Watch your back with her. Never leave your purse where anyone can get to it.
Do not talk about anything concerning personal expenditure to her.
For what ever reason she is living beyond her means. Or her guy is encouraging her borrow to cover his needs. She sounds like a user of others, and clearly you are not the only person she borrows from.
She could even be setting you up for a swindle carried out just before she walks away from the job.
Borrow $Z today - pay it back quickly.
Borrow $Zx2 few days later from the same person - take a lttle more than week to pay back
Borrow $Zx3 following week - takes 20 days to pay it back and from the same person, but widen the net and borrow from another, as well.
Several more like the above until you are lulled into complacency that ''she'll always repay the money, no matter how much she borrows''
Finally a fanciful sob story - borrows $Zx10+ and you never see her nor your money ever again.
Besides the possibility of drugs - does she or does her husband indulge in online gambing or play one of those games that swallow up money buying more (of whatever) to stay in the game? Such things can become very addictive.
Spending addictions like the above can drive previously comfortably set up people into financial oblivion if their gaming addiction or their online gambling gets out of control.
Just as use of illicit Drugs can reduce people even lower to the point where they will steal from their own relatives to fund a habit, but eventually run out of all sources of help, as people wise up to their addiction..
Since you still have to work with her make sure that you spend as little (as possible) one on one time alone with her - be professional but not too friendly towards her.
No doubt she has honed her technique of identifying who is most likely to lend her money and even give and give some more and think they are ''helping her out''. Instead they are enabling her to continue to live beyond her means.
If you sense her trying to pump you for information on your current financial situation or what your husband is worth then change the subject. Or just straight out tell her, ''talking about money is not my 'thing'. oh is that the time? '' and be off. She will find another person willing give her the benefit of the doubt (for a while......)
You certainly cannot lend to her again.
You don't have to explain why not.
If she really pushes then suggest she speak to her bank.
Block her from phoning you at home and block her on your personal email.
If she ever tried to email you via any email on your work email then take a copy of the email to HR and say you found her request for money unsettling.
I think she's been feeding you half truths and lies about why she needs the money.
If she asks you at work then say ''no'', when there is someone else present so there is a witness to your refusal. Just stand up and say her name, then reply ''No (hername) I am not in a position to lend you money. (her name Please don't ask me again.?''
Feel no embarassment about saying no. She is employed. She is not destitute on the streets. She is earning money, perhaps not dissimilar to your own earnings in that job. You are being subjected to outrageous pressure at work and it's time it was stopped. And she is not just seeking it from you - she is seeking it from others too.
Do not feel guilt about saying no. She relies on each person she borrows from to keep it quiet about her request for money - mindful that they are imagining that she is embarassed about having to ask.
But she is not embarassed. Instead she feels entitled. She showed her true ruthlessness when she instructed you to ask your husband instead.
Her needs take precedence. She will use those with a soft heart. While she will discard those who are no longer of use to her - those she recognizes will only say no.
Set up your phone so that every call is recorded - if you are being threatened and you then have a recording that demonstrates her determination to get money anyway she can.
You are right to recognize that the situation is wrong. We do not go to work each day to be met with begging in the workplace from a colleague on a regular basis.
A rare short term crisis is one thing, and such crisis situations do happen in real life.
However you have recognized that she lurches from one alleged crisis after another and her only solution is to continually borrow money from others. It is an unacceptable situation.
Stay strong and say no,
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 November 2015):
 You need to be straight with her and tell her directly that you're not a bank, and that you're done lending money to her. Don't make excuses. Don't placate her. Don't feel threatened. Don't be afraid. If she makes it a hostile work environment, then go to your boss and tell him/her how you feel about what's going down.
Your financial situation has nothing to do with her. Your husband's company has nothing to do with her. I actually agree with you regarding her using it for drugs, because work "messing up" the paycheck is one I've actually heard drug users use in their arsenal of lies.
She's borrowing from a lot of other people now as well, so don't feel targeted like this. Her husband in prison for robbery?? Don't worry about it! You have security measures and insurance, yes?? Also, you're nothing but a mark to her, so it's not personal. She's tapping you more because you've shown to be a soft touch when others might not be.
You need to be honest with her now and tell her you're not a bank, and that you're no longer lending money under any circumstances. Tell her you're sorry, and if she continues to argue, walk away. If she starts texting you nasty stuff, SAVE it, document it, and tell her if she harasses you, you'll go to your boss. If she keeps it up, you can file for a no-contact order. You have more power than you realize, and her seeing her source of income go away at her job has more sway than you realize.
Just say "you have to stop. Your repeated requests for money is making it uncomfortable for me to work here. I don't want to talk to our employer because I don't want to get you into trouble, but I can't go on like this".
She's not going to go rush to your house on a vendetta and risk her only legitimate source of income.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2015): Just tell her you do not have any money because you just paid all your bills.Repeat as often as she askes you.Let your boss or hr know what is going on.You are not the only one so do this with others she has done this to.Maybe your job should do a drugs test on her.Do they do that there?They do it all the time in the u.s.a.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (19 November 2015):
 Just say no. Even if she still owes you, just cut your losses. The fact that you bluntly refuse to lend her more will probably provide the separation between the two of you.
I wouldn't worry about possible repercussions. Nothing has been threatened. You can always report any threats to the police.
Make it clear that you are not lending her any more money and you will go to your line manager if she keeps bothering you in this way. If she values her job she won't want this to happen.
It may be that the couple need help but it isn't your job to provide that.
As the proverb says, 'Neither a borrower or a lender be'.
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