A
male
age
41-50,
*ammin75
writes:My girlfriend has been invited to one of her friend's wedding next month (an ex, but they're still friends, which is totally fine with me by the way). It's in the middle of a week we both have off on holiday. Anyway, she told me that it didn't come with a +1. I thought, sure I can understand that wedding's cost a lot of money I've only met her friend and his fiancé a handful of times. They're getting married in the town hall and then the evening is pub/club in the city nearby. They've rented the upstairs. I naturally assumed I'd be invited to the evening. I've found out though that I'm not even invited to that and I can't understand why. It wouldn't cost then anything, there's no "free" bar or anything.I should add, me and my girlfriend have been together for 2-years, she's currently in the process of getting her house ready to rent out, then she's moving in with me while we look for another house to buy as "ours" and sell mine. So it's not like we've been together 5-minutes and the relationship is casual.When she told me, I just said "Oh. Right" and I haven't really said much more about it. But now I've stopped to think about it it's really bugging me. Obviously I expect her to go, absolutely. But should I tell her that actually I think it's really rude that I'm not invited at all and actually I feel a bit p***ed off over it. Or should I just shrug it off? Incidentally I've met her friend and his fiancé, we've gotten fine, ok not best buds but then we haven't met that much. Generally just at other social occasions, one time we went back their house for drinks after. Had a good laugh and they offered us to stay rather than get a cab but we had to be up early so headed home anyway. So we've never had a row or anything.What I think I'm a bit annoyed over as well is if was the other way around I'd have said "oh hey, is it ok if my girlfriend comes to the evening do?". But my girlfriend hasn't done that! So, should I say something or just think oh well, doesn't matter?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 September 2013):
 ...Which means that you have let it go officially, while still steaming inside about it.
I wonder why. Is it really such a big deal ? That's not your brother's or best friend 's weddong you have been excluded from. These guys did not invite you because they don't know you well / don't like you / wanted to keep it really intimate or for whatever reason, just do not invite them to your wedding or other social dos and be done with it.
As why what not asking them to bring you along " says " about your girl, I have already offered my opinion : she felt it was not her place asking and did not want to impose. All it says about her ,IMHO, is that you two go by different social codes. If this explanation does not convince you, why don't you just ASK her ? " I wonder how come that when you got invited to that wedding you never thought of asking to bring me, your official bf ,along ? "
A
male
reader, Jammin75 +, writes (3 September 2013):
Jammin75 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I've done nothing. It's not been brought up again. Guess it's just one of those things. Who cares? Screw 'em and their wedding...sort of hoping it rains all day and is more boring that the boringest wedding in boresville :)). I'll keep those thoughts to myself though...Thanks for the advice. Seems general consensus says it's a bit rude of them. And I agree! haha. I've taken a little on-board of what it says about my girlfriend too. Think I may wait another couple of months or so before she moves in here. Just to be sure it's right.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2013): In this situation, I would not be able to just shrug this off. It would piss me off and make me question the true character of the woman I was planning a future with. Things like that, should act as a red flag. I would get used to going out without her, if I was you.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 August 2013):
 Well it's their right to invite who they want..
old school manners are that only fiances/spouses are invited
not boyfriends or casual partners.... in this day and age with living together we need to be more flexible.
what IRKS me about this is that SHE (your gf) has not even ASKED to bring you... IF i was invited to an event and my SERIOUSLY dating getting ready to move in together BF was not invited I'd be calling the folks going... can BF come... if the answer is no... I'd be declining my invite as well.
in fact, a few weeks back I was invited to an event and my spouse was not. IT was not a girls only event, nor was it on a weekday. IT was a BIG birthday party for someone who does NOT like my spouse. Fair enough. I assumed we were both invited and I was contacted and told NO only I was invited. I declined the invitation.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (26 August 2013):
I'd say , just shrug it off. And , contrariously to what many posters say, do NOT get upset with your gf, she has not been inconsiderate, she has just been well-mannered. One never ever fishes out for wedding invitations, - whatever the bride and groom decide rules, and it's not polite to question their judgement. If for whatever reason of theirs, they have not expressely invited you, or expressely asked your gf to bring her plus 1, it would be VERY rude of your gf putting them on the spot by saying " Hey, do you mind if I bring along John ? " forcing them thereby either to say a yes that maybe it is not heartfelt, or to come out with a " no " that could lead to some unpleasant showdown, the last thing they need while organizing their wedding.
So, if you REALLY have to be mad at somebody , be mad at the groom and bride. But actually, you have no real ground to be mad at them either, because as another poster mentions, it is not mandatory to invite your unmarried friends 's partners - it is kind, it is customary if it's a big wedding anyway- but if it is a small, not too fancy do, the close , intimate friends attend and their partners stay home. Regardless of the extra cost of added guests, which in your case would not be a factor, people have the right to celebrate their wedding among their close, intimate friends, without a cast of thousands chosen among just superficial acquaintances, - and if they choose to do so,- so be it.
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (25 August 2013):
What sticks out in my mind is, How would she react if this was exactly the same, the other way round? I think knowing that would answer your question, far more precisely.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2013): So you are going to sell your house to buy another for "both" of you. She rents hers out. To be honest with you, piecing everything together, I think it`s the last thing you should be doing. Everything about this relationship is favourable to her. Be careful and take this wedding as a warning, because by the sound of it, you are not her priority. Do not sell your house.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2013): Your girlfriend is inconsiderate. I am not telling you to do the same, but if it was me, I would dump her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2013): maybe he just assumes your girlfriend will be taking you too.
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (24 August 2013):
To be honest with you, I think you need to surround yourself with people who respect you more, and value your prescence. That includes your girlfriend too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2013): I would not invite your present girlfriend to your wedding either. Sorry, but in the same situation, I would refuse to attend, unless my man was invited too.
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A
male
reader, Jammin75 +, writes (24 August 2013):
Jammin75 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies. On reflection then, I think what I'll do is just mention how come I'm not invited to the evening. (I completely understand not going to the day, that's fine). As the evening is held in a place where it's a public bar downstairs and there would be no cost associated with me attending, I'll just say that I think it's a bit odd that I can't / haven't been asked to go. I won't make a big deal out of it, just say I've never known a significant other not at least attend the evening party. Which is true, I haven't. If it's a definite no-no, then well, screw 'em, c'est la vie. When I next see them I'll congratulate them and just shrug it off. Suffice to say if I ever get married though, they won't be invited, haha.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2013): Sorry I disagree with the other posters, I think its rude and especially rude of ur gf not to say something about it as to have you invited also.
I would be very very upset if my bf of 2 yrs was A) going to his ex's wedding
And B) not bringing me along.
My take on this.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (24 August 2013):
I don't think you should tell her that she's being rude or pissed you off. That might cause her to become a little defensive and turn it into an unnecessary argument. I think you should just ask her if there's a reason why she didn't invite you as her date because you kind of expected to go with her to at least the reception.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 August 2013):
 It really depends on a lot of things. Financially I can see then cutting out BF/GF's and only inviting people they WANT around (and can afford). If they don't know you from Adam, maybe it's just not important for THEM to invite you... After all it's THEIR wedding. It might be a small "intimate" affair.
If they are people you don't know I would really care so much. It's not about excluding you, it's just how they want they "special day" to be.
I wouldn't sweat it.
But if I was your GF I probably wouldn't go either.
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A
male
reader, lovebot +, writes (24 August 2013):
Actually, the etiquette is NOT to invite boyfriends and girlfriends. You only invite fiances and spouses. This rule doesn't hold for destination weddings though...I believe.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2013): I think simply it is one of those things you have to get on with.Maybe your girlfriend does not think it is her place to ask. But simply they have only met you a handful of times as a couple and it is their wedding and they may feel they don't know you well enough for an invite. Also seeing as she was an ex might be a underlining factor, she's getting married, she wants it to be nice, seeing an ex may feel uncomfortable to her so for her own sake she just wants to invite ur current gf. we don't know the extent of the relationship u had with the woman getting married but you do and she does so maybe it lies there. Just let ur gf go have a nice time and dont make it an issue that has nothing to do with ur gf
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A
male
reader, Jammin75 +, writes (23 August 2013):
Jammin75 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHighmaintenance 101. You read it wrong. The groom is my girlfriend's ex...
Either way, you're right, I should just not give a damn :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): It is a bit rude. But on the other hand don't be too sensitive.
Its really awkward to have you as a guest from that wedding because the bride was your ex gf. You and your current gf which happens to be the bride's friend, just have the need to understand the situation.
Its not awkward for you, but obviously to them it is awkward that's the reason why your not invited.
That's their wedding. it is their choice to not invite you.
They don't owe you any explanation, why.
Just be a man and respect it. Anyway, when its your wedding day, you can just choose not to invite them too.
Or worst invite them, show them how rude they are to you in a different way. But if I were you. I wont give a damn.
Just wish them the best.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (23 August 2013):
 I rather think I agree that it's a bit off an all counts really.2 years together and soon to be living together makes you a very definite item and as you know the bride it groom it wouldn't have been inappropriate to ask you to the wedding (it could be argued that it would be more inappropriate to invite the ex girlfriend of the groom!)If money constraints and keeping numbers down for the wedding is the reason you weren't invited, I agree you should have been invited to the evening. It's very bad form for you not to be invited as a couple.On the other side, why on earth did your gf not speak up? I wouldn't want to go to something as couply as a wedding or reception without my other half and if he wasn't invited I'd want to know why and would refuse the invitation.If she has asked and they have a problem with you (although I can't see why they would based on your letter) I would have surely thought her loyalty should be with you and to have turned down the invitation.I think you have every right to be mad and you should tell her how you feel. The bride and groom have been tactless and inconsiderate but sadly your gf has totally disregarded you and behaved as if she's single!You deserve much more consideration. I wish you all the best x
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