A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help. i need to move on from this constant heartbreak again.I cant believe it,i look back on this site and with the questions I asked, i didnt see this coming.7 years with the boyfriend only to have his ex phone me and say she slept with himI kicked him out,and as she told me at the top of the stairs hes been sleeping with both of us, without either of us knowing, i saw him run like a coward.I got a hammer and smashed up his watch. I feel like ive been puched in the stomach.Now hes blaming her saying shes lost the plot. shes saying he lied to her and told her he wasnt with me.She textd me and said sorry for what she said ,she didnt mean it.( did she lie to me? )Im cut to the core, my very being inside is filled with pain.He lies ,she lies. I have to move on.I ve grieved every time, and each time he waits,then just as i stop my tears and pick myself up in a month he will come knocking.God ,please help me get through this.How do i stop loving a man, who lies,cheats,treats me badly.I want an end to it this time forever.Please tell me what i can do with the pain in my heart, and the fear of the text in two weeks when he says i miss you.Please help me cut this man out of my heart forever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): You're both feeding off each other in different ways. But you both have something in common. Bitterness. You're both holding back from moving on completely because you are putting barriers up and blocking out anything past your safe zone. One of you, the safe zone is wanting to be with the ex(regardless of how dangerous he is) the other ones safe zone is getting with nobody, zip, zero, stay single, dont let anybody in then cant get hurt!
As for the answer.....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi rcn( i laughed at your joke as i thought the same about my cat,always sweet.
i know what you mean its the injustice of things that get to me.
It can be heartbreaking in itself. i try to do alittle bit for the planet with freecycle, who keep good things out of landfill.We are destroying the planet with our own waste when we can re-use so much and give to others for free.They have freecycle all over the world, and although my contribition is tiny at least im trying to do my bit for the kids who are our future.
Have you ever read the ( Desiderata in the 1920's by Max Ehrmann.
This is for you RCN :
DESIDERATA
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remeber what peace there may be in silence.As far as possible ,without surrender,be on good terms with all persons.Spaek your truth quietly and clearly:and listen to others,even to the dull and the ignorant:they too have their story.Avoid loud and aggressive persons:they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,you may become vain or bitter,for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.Keep interested in your own career,however humble;it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,for the world is full of trickery.But let this not blind you to what virtue there is:many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself.Especially do not feign affection.Neither be cynical about love,for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,gracefully surrendering the things of youth.Nuture strengh of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.Beyond a wholesome discipline,be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,no less than the trees and the stars:you have a right to be here.And whether or not it is clear to you,no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should
Therefore be at peace with God,whatever you conceive him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham,drudgery and broken dreams,it is still a beautiful world.Be cheerful.strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann,Desiderata. 1952.
Have a wonderful weekend Rcn.The sun is shineing.
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reader, rcn  + ♥, writes (9 May 2008):
 Thank you for your wished. We're still doing well. I have my guitars. I can play them anytime, and they don't say no or talk back. lol
Did you see how the United Nations were forced to stop aid to the Asian country who the cyclone hit? They attempted aid, but their government siezed all their equipment. Believe me it's not just behaviors in relationships I get irritated by. My son and I started looking at other countries to relocate too. After this presidential election, no matter who wins, I don't see our country making a positive change. People can create so much damage to the integrity of a coutry just by simple ignorance or failing to spend the time to locate facts before taking action. If we closed down just a few of the real unneeded government agencies. The mony saved could provide food and clothing to ALL deprived countries. To me its sad that we do not.
I believe in the bible where it states, "you fed my people so therefore you've fed me." Isn't about someone bringing a sandwitch to a person in need. I believe it's about countries who have supplying those who don't, so no one has to go hungry or without cloths or medicine.
I don't know what got me started talking about political issues.
Take care. I know I started with a bad joke.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionahh RCN thats so unfortunate when you have helped so many people.
The thing is you only get to see the desperatation and saddness in time of need, when you truly give the gift of hope.
i find that most times just a hug can make you feel better. please dont give up hope, because then creul actions of overs will rob you of a joy you truly deserve.
It amazes me sometimes when people do nasty things then a complete stranger will show you such compassion and understanding, and your faith in human kindness is restored.
i am sending you and your chidren a great big warm hug,with good positive feelings of thanks and happiness that touches your soul.
thankyou rcn.
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male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (9 May 2008):
your welcome. I get lonely from time to time as well. Then remembering the actions and hurt people do to others snaps me right out of that thought of being with someone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou RCN. Your right. i messed up bigtime.
Its true what you said.in a way it has helped me, as i know their is no going back ever.the tears i cried where wasted on a man who really didnt care that much for me.
i will go back to the library. im staying away from any realtionship. i need to find a way to heal my problems first.
I find living on my own, very lonely.i hear completely what you are are saying, and i am eternally grateful for your help.the library awaits with a new world of posibilities.
thankyou for being their. you make a world of difference.
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male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (7 May 2008):
So you called him, and now know the truth about it not working out. What do you feel you need to do now? I suggest focusing on you. The problem I've seen is you're dependent. It seems as is you need someone there to "make" you happy. To help you compensate for areas your missing.
If you were to eliminate boys, sex, relationships, and only had you left. What in your life are you missing? What happens is we begin depending on outside sources to make us happy. Happiness comes from within, and no one has the power to actually make you happy. People somtimes drink or do drugs to make them happy at the moment. But when they sober up, the missing area is still missing. It seems as if you need a guy to provide satisfaction now, instead of building yourself to a point of being happy without having to look elsewhere.
Once you achieve that, you won't have to look elsewhere. Having someone then in your life will be much more satisfying than looking for someone to fill todays desires.
I see your ex as a player. He'll come around where he feels he can get into the girls pants. Like you said, after he succeeded, the old him came back.
I'd better get some sleep now. Talk to you later. Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRCN are you thier/
I could really do with you help. i made a big, big mistake.
i was crying as i missed the ex so much, like just sobbing. i ended up phoneing him and he came over.
we both cried and finally hugging him i felt relief and love.
we made love and evrything was perfect, clinging to each other.we laughed,we where happy.
He said he would call me the next day to go out for meal. he didnt call at first ,then i called him. he came over and we went out for a drink. he sat and talked and talked about Anna. no stop about anna. he not with her, he is single, but i guess he returns to her when their is nothing else. my heart starting breaking.we then move onto another bar. he makes a phonecall to his mate to meet us their in an hour. i havent seen mark for months and he inviting a friend along? ive seen him do this before,as a backup if we argue he has got a mate out to contune having a drink with.
he did this once before when we stared argueing. i said im going home.he took me home and we argued all the way.
hw said we would get a takeaway and made up. we where fine, then the old mark again ( What did i just say to you) i have to repete word for word what he has just said.He turned his back onme and went to sleep.
we both knew this isnt going to work. In the morning we shook hands goodbye, and i just feel gutted.
i wish i never phoned him, but i was distort because i missed him so much
where do i go from here. i feel i have no-one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou RcN.
I have chronic Post traumatic stree disorder, did for the day ot happened. I had so much treamnet over the years, EMDR reprogamming, trauma councilling in london, years and years of the stuff. Im finally told the trauma has become resistont to treatment, bascially tought youve got it for life girl and you just gotta live with it. Bit like war survivours,victims of treadful crimes, etc.
Ive never drunk like that before , my body still is in pain with my back, leg and kneck but i rested it today.
To the anon poster thankyou, had tones of therapy,and who i am now is a micrale to how bad i was then. And yes its all true. the agongy aunt has been a lifeline when im at my lowest, alot of poeple cant handle what happen to me, so it has to be pushed under the carpet to protect them, so they dont get nightmare etc as to what happen to me( a very rare event of being in the wrong place at the wrong time( ie asleep in bed alone wen a rapist broke in.
Sometimes you end up with a weird sence of humour to try to deal with the pain.people like firemen, police, and one in that type of work are the same and unfortuanly can aslo get PTSD. All the poor police officers who workrd on my case also had to have counciing. I am one of the lucky ones as i suceed in getting the rapist a guily verdict. Then they read out his previous convictions and my world suck. Anyway got to put it back in closet for now,try and get myself back on track agin. as always, Rcn your lifeline.
Thankyou.
Alao it will help future women in my position, youve got to remmeber i won my trial, very little unfortunate women do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): There is something very strange about this thread, im amazed anyone is still replying to it. They aren't helping the question asker with whats really going on, put it that way.
You need to seek some help, professional person to person..
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male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (27 April 2008):
No, I don't recall that song, but when I was a teen, I'd watch the "Flying Circus." It was late night, had to sneak down to the tv to watch it, or mom and dad would get up (busted).
I know some times I ramble. I get on a thought pattern and just keep going and going. I am going to try to summaraize here. If not this will be really long. If I repeat something we'd all ready talked about, I apoligize for that. I don't feel like going through all past conversations to weed out the discussions. Now since the physical pain is not present, let's work on the "messed up mind." First by understanding mental trauma, then by realizing how you can eliminate or lower the amount of the traumatic impact.
There are several causes of mental trauma. Physical impact, verbal impact, personal experience, viewed or percieved experience and the list goes on and on. When studying the association of trauma on mental health, I was amazed of how it works. Our brains don't sepatate the trauma. The pain gets filed as the pain, but doesn't separate into different categories. But it does pile one on top of the other. If you were to take a match and light it, placing your hand above it at the same distance, not moving it away. Your hand will begin being warm, then gradually get hotter and hotter, until you have to move it away. Same with mental pain. If not taken care of, it grows, hence your PTSD. This is created when your trauma grows larger than to be housed in its place, then begins peaking its way from the subconscious mind to the conscious mind.
That's just a small view of how it happens. So what to do to bring yourself back to a less messed up mental state. Your trauma needs to be deflated. You won't be able to forget the events, but how you view them can change.
I know some of what I've told you just seems too easy to actually work. It really is, reason being, we always listen to ourselves. This technique is another way of doing so.
Write yourself a letter. In this letter tell yourself how holding this in and living with this pain has affected your life. (this is the part from the hurt you to the now you.)
Second letter. Write a letter to the victim side of you relieving the victim of guilt, and responsability for the actions brought on by another person. Also in this letter, forgive your victim self for allowing this pain to develop and build over all these years, which has crippled you from really being able to live to your fullest.
By doing this, you'll be reading letters from you to you, which your mind will pick up as truth because you're telling yourself. People with low self esteems view themselves that way, not because that's who they really are, but because that's what they keep telling themselves they are.
Now, when I look at people (from more of a biblical view) I see everyone, young, old, fat, thin, as another perfect creation. I do this because when our boddies die, and our spirits are released, that's who we really are. Our eternal presense beyond our experience here. The true perfection of God's creation. Who you see in the mirror and the negative thoughts you have for yourself is not who you really are. I believe you are so much more. I also believe God didn't create you to live as if your in hell on earth, but I also believe He's not going to intervene and stop you from decisions that from time to time might feel as if you are.
I believe in you. I know you can overcome these obsticals. It takes work, and getting drunk is a quick solution for a couple of hours, but then the obstical is still there waiting for you to push through it.
Take care of yourself. I heard drinking a raw egg helps with that hangover.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTnkyou Rcn.
Im awakwe and sober.I didnt call the ex,. thankoyu for getting me through the night. will get my sell to the doctors on Monday to get something for the physical pain.
I lost it, for a moment.My words from the film ( ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BIGHT SIDE OF LIFE. ********************************************************************************* Will have breakfast,its a new day....
Thankyou RCN.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank god there are Rcn in the world . My screams were unheard for 3hours ad now you are there,thank you rcn.My physical pain has stopped, thankgod.Im a bit hung over,but ive neve been that bad before, i was in so much phyical pain. i was told form the start their are no magic cures. i am a good ,kind person, i have so much compassion for people in pain, i just for awhile. phyyisal and mental pain can brake a person. i remember readingg books they helped me/ one of hardest things is i constantly have to hide what happen to me. i go to a supermarket and i have a flashback and in the siuation again. Hay but i try to be tough, i can walk, and talk the body scars have faded and what i am left eith is amessed up mind. Im tryimd to deal with it. i was a professionnal fashion model at the age of 25 and then my whole life was changed overnight.I dont want to be consumed with so much pain, the burden of having to hide what happen burst sometimes. Oh your not over it yet- i take comfort inpeople who have been things much worst then me and survived.Ive taken comfort in you being their RCN.when you told your story, somthing inside me just knew ( YOU KNEW TOO MUCH) Im sure surviovors can reconize it in others.Thank you rcn. im still alive, and i should be grateful for that, at the time that all that mattered.Its a legace we can carry, to help over people people who have been in similar position.RcN thankyou - dont know if younow the Monty Phython song in america form the film LIFE OF BRIAN
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reader, rcn + ♥, writes (26 April 2008):
Rape is an action that should not exist. One of the most damaging actions that can take place, weather in family or not. Ten years is crap. I guess that depends. I saw a show last night on prison, where many sexual criminals are killed before being released. Makes sense, even the convicted murderers and gang memebers have someone they miss and would love to see on the outside. Sexual criminals, by their actions disrespect the "real" criminals.
Being a survivor is not a small accomplishment. Another show I saw (I'm in law and enjoy reality legal shows), a teen couple we're abducted, she was raped, he had to watch, then both we're shot in the face with a 9 mm and pushed in the river. She had her jaw blown apart and half her tongue. I bring this up because she's another survivor. I was amazed, both lived. The cold water slowed down the blood flow and actually kept them alive. Simply amazing.
You're not a bad person. You're not prepared to have the "couple" thing. I don't like saying that, but look at the truth. How can you accept or give true love when you don't feel adequate with yourself? How can you really give yourself to someone, when a big part of you is being consumed in pain? How can you brag about drinking wine, and not offering to share? Okay, I threw that one in there.
Since you're getting drunk. This will be a fun exercise. I want you to draw a heart. With the rape, and ptsd, take a black marker and put a dot that take up about 1/8 of it. With the pain you described up top, take the blask marker and mark out another 1/3 (I hope you're not too drunk to ba able to properly measure these numbers.)
We could go through each one individually, but that would take a lot of time and too many bottles of wine to read it. We know emotions come from our mental being, not our heart, but I use that because people can relate and its much easier to draw than a bunch of worms attached together. What you have left, that isn't black is what you are able to offer a relationship.
Think of it this way +1 pain = -1 love, +1 hate = -1 love, and so on. It was for this reason, I've been single for the time I have. If I really want to love someone, I don't want any of that to be taken away by past pain, issues from others actions, would that really be fair to who I'm with? Not for who I'm with and not to me either, and definately not to my children. So what to do?????
This is a question for you. I want you to think hard. Ask yourself this. If I could waive a magic wand and change behaviors, thoughts, or eliminate pain, what would you choose?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm not knoking the police, my WPC was brilliant. They all where, and the poor sods all had to have councilling after. i cant go into any more , too much for any human being to handdle. Put when your in sweet thats the word- they cut off your fingernails to the core, they take swabs from every orifist. you have a pices of paper and adoctor marks the burises the cuts on your body. later a pohotograher comes to picture the massis brusies on your body. The imprinted hand hand make of brusies that youhad to hide form your parents to protect them. when pople ask have i been rapED IT MAKES ME ANGRY! _ IF YOUR SCREAMIGN FOR YOUR LIFE ,YOU CANT BREATH, YOUR GOING TO DIE- THATS RAPE. AND NO ONE ON THIS PLANET CAN SVE YOU AND YOU PRAY TO GOD - LET ME GET OUT OF THID ALIVE_ THATS ALL THAt matters because your dead already.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsome people who have experienced extream trauma understand when having to deal with the most machcarbe fightening true situtions deal with it in a bizzare homourous way. me and my parents used to sing on black tuesday ( always look on the brighhtt side of life.) with axes and knifes and under our beds for 6months until trial and police protection fom ever police officer in the district- something are so entrentenced you never recover.take me back and the netal metal spike is still under my bed waithing if he stoped me from testifing
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni look out of window and i see happy couples holding hands, i would like that but who would want a women with Chronic post traumatic stress disorder that cant be cured? apparently if you become resiton to trement your buggered ( excuse the pun. my advice if i could ever go back the knife he held i would die first, then save my soul. still, it will be amazing how many people will blame the victim_ it was you fault for being asleep in your bed aT 9AM ON A SUNDAY MORINIG. IVE HAD ENOUGH OF BALME THE VICTIM.I DRRUCK, AND WILL BE SO REGRETTFUL BUT DO YOU BLAME ME.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat the hell im on the second bottle of wine.I just remenber standing inthe Old bailey Box of london and haveing to swear rights of truth on the bible.You stand their and finally you say "I swear to tell the truth , the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me god."
he last line was always aplea for help.
so miss XXXXXX you where a sleep in bed and woke up to find a rapist in your bed who had broke throught the back door and you awoke screming with a man in inyour bed. yes...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Im sorry, can you hAER ME, IM SORRY, HOW SCREWED UP IM I. IM APOLOGIZEING FOR THE WORDS YOU HEAR AS THIS HAS BEEN MY NIGHTMARE, MY FLASHBACKS, MY SHIVER THROUGH THE BODY EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR 10 YEARS. THE JUGE SUMED UP AT THE END OF THE TRIAL( I AM SURE THAT MISS XXXXX WILL CARRY THE SCARS FOR THE REST REST OF HER LIFE.bUGGER ME!!!!!!! HE IS RIGHT!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe truth is why i am so screwed up. I was asleep in bed when i was 25 and a rapist broke into the house ane i was going to be killed. I was held form 3hours and tourtured,i esacaped with my life. I testified at the Old Bailey in london and put a serial rapist away for 10 years. I changed me name. i in a living hell coz i have poat traumtric stress disorder and have nightmare and flashbacks still.The only strenght i have back is yes i am the rape surviour who put a serial rapeist away and cold endanger myself in exposing this.To the lady who said a long time ago dont insult rape surviours,i am it honey! And i am the 7 percent of women who ruin their whole life to protect other women from what an evil man has done. Finallly the truth comes out, finally i just cry for my soul that was lost the injustice of it all, then someone doesnt read between the lines. Im that rape surviour who put a rapist away for 10 years years and now the bastard is out and there is nothing i can do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRED ALERT : PLEASE HELP . IN DANGER OF CALLING EX HELP PLEASE.Ive been up since last night taken anumber of painkillers.I moved the computer and pulled a mucsle in my thigh. My lower back pain has been agongy - got no valuim to relieve the pain (in extream physical pain. Neck pain. pain in joint,whenim this bab uaslly i can take a valuim ad ir relies muscle tentionbut got none so tAKEN LOADS FOD PAIN KILLERS and stared on drinking a bottle of wine- anything to kill the pain.Ive never done this- its the middle of the day, ive never drankk to kill pain.My mind is so messed up. i want to call the ex but i cant.I fell betrayed by menn in general. Im 36 and have been asked out by 29 year olds. Is it just a passport they want because im english?I wont see them.Im scared coz im getting old. I look out of my window and all i see is couple together , why cant i have that? I feel so messed up. My self estemm is so low that i thinking selling myself because i feel worthless.thats what men have have taught me, im good for one thing. Ive been abused ,used and i hate myself. Im not a bad person, i dont understand what i ever did to deserve this.Im downing wine as i type to knock out the pain. I need Mark, for once in my life, i need him on the phone just to say its goona be all right, after 7 years, what we had, the trust, me and him against the rest of the world is shattered.Im broken. All the hidden stuff is coming out, i need help. im drinking ,i will phone him afterr 3months? naaad he will come running to abuse and huurt me again.The 29 year old is ringing on my mobile ,i dont want to know, i just wanna be someowhere where men dont hurt you, the only one my grandad, my light, my knoght, help me. please.
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reader, Twirly + ♥, writes (11 April 2008):
 Hey Sweetie,
I think rcn has hit the nail on the head there! Im glad to hear you sounding strong and positive again, it seems that his affect on you is a lot weaker now than it was when you first posted which is great to see!
Lucky you having had other guys interested! With a bit of luck a lovely man will as you out soon and you will be free to go and will finally get a chance to experience some tlc from someone new!
Im so happy for you, you're going to do just fine Im sure of it!
Stay strong and read back over the awful things he has done whenever you're feeling weak!
Im doing great Thankyou!
Big hug! x x x
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reader, rcn + ♥, writes (10 April 2008):
Reading that letter I thought about two areas of concern. First, it's designed to cause guilt. Second, it's written without taking personal responsability for his actions. Every part of his apology was directed toward placing blame on people, or on situations. All though we all have obsticals that step in our path, it's by personal choice how we deal with the obstical. A true apology would not cause guilt. It would be centered on his personal behaviors not blaming people or circumstances he's claiming caused his behavior. How can anyone or anything but choice cause us to act in different ways.
I believe he's trying to cause you to feel guilty to guilt you back to him. Now you could accept his offer, but that will only provide you with instant gratification. It would make you happy today, but not long you'd be back where you are now. I would like to see you make choices that will be beneficial for long term, not short term satisfaction.
With not taking responsability, I'd say you should be worried about the sincerity of his letter.
Take care
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou Twirly, glad you joined and lovely to hear from you.
That night my 14 year old nieice came over ,so i was glad of the company. I couldnt get Gone with the Wind but did get other videos from the charity shop for 50p each for us to watch.
I am involed with freecyle, which keeps good items out of landfil ( i am a get believer in re-cycleing and helping the enviroment ) i have put an ad for an old copy of the film on freecycle, so fingers crossed.
Your right in what you say. Previously when any other guy shows an interest in me, Mark trys to come back.I then tell the new guy sorry i may be getting back with my ex, then Mark splits up with me again. He has done that twice before, and twice ive lost the other guys, dont blame them really.
Its difficult because that letter is the Mark i fell in love with, not the one high on cocaine.
He says he respects my wishes but he still wakes me at 1am in the morning with a phone call( i wont speak to him)
He says he will be their if im in trouble, but when my cat nearlly died, he just said he was on the other side of London and didnt help. He left me for 2weeks when i had the nerves burnt off in my spine, his mother helped me by phone more than him.
One minute, he is backing Anna and running to her and then the next he is calling her a b*****. I was with him for 7 years, when we broke up he went out with her and it only lasted 2months, yet he chose to continue the friendship with her to the detrimentally effect on our realtionship.
Every time i go back i get burnt, every time the hurt and pain and what happens gets worse.
Before,when we split up i thought i was pregant i went for the test alone, i had to wait 3 months, and the doctors just said it was stress, thankgod i wasnt pregant!
When i tried to be just a friend to him, he used me for emotional support, but when i needed him, he was out partying and i was in alone.
He did treat me like crap, but its so hard, because, the drugs make him selfish and arrogant, when he not on them he not like that. I said i would go with him to get help, but he doesnt think he has a problem and just hides things from me.
He used to snore so loud i couldnt sleep because of the hole in his nose, no women could be able to sleep with that noise, as he needs to get his nose fixed.
why didnt he sent this on valentines day, when i was crushed. why wait 2months and then be sorry.
I also had to carry my own double bed into my flat on my own( because he wouldnt help)Most probs what led to me having so much back problems.
I love him, i miss him, but im too scared to go anywhere near him. I have to protect myself. I cried last night because the whole 7 years felt like a lie, i suppose i just have to grieve and try to move on.
I will always love him but hes not good for me.
when i look back in my diary over the years i see in big letters ( dont trust him your get burnt)
Thankyou Twirly i needed a reality check, thankyou for being their.
How are you coping?
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female
reader, Twirly + ♥, writes (10 April 2008):
Hi Sweetie,
I am the anon lady from before who suggested the DVDs!
I have joined up now and would like to say that while it is a nice letter, I think you need to keep in mind all of the horrible things he has done and how awful he has made you feel.
You said that he always waits a while after you split up and then wins you back again, so I would view the letter as his effort to win you back.
From what you have said, nothing will change if you go back to him so you need to be strong here and hold out for someone else who will treat you so much better than him.
I would throw the letter away and remember how far you have come. It would be shame to go back to him after all you've been through, you will only have to do it all again next time he breaks your heart.
Stay strong! Did you get Gone With The Wind in the end? xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEMERGENCIE _ aunts please help************************************************************
I cried last night as i missed my ex so much and this morning a aletter was send to me from him. This is his letter word for word:
Dear *******
Respecting your wishes this is probaly the best way to commuinicate with you. Im writng this letter to you, because every week and month, and as time passes by, you come into my thougnht and heart, and i wonder how you are. I fell it is such a shame the way, and how we split up, as a couple and as friends. Someone esle came into our lives and destroyed what we had, when things were bad enough, and quesrioning times, for us both.I will never forgive her for that and how it must of made you feel. You didnt deserve that, but i cant change what she did. I am deeply sorry.
Me and you had our faults and at times highs and lows, but it was better than most realationshios and lasted even when our firends around us split up and had had problems of there own. We carried on.I would hate if we never saw or spoke again, it feels heart breaking if this happened. _ I know you might not fell the same, but i had to tell you. I expect you have moved on and possibly met someone else, you always did get chateed up and asked out for dates. I respect your life and what everything you might be doing now.
I passed by your house the other day, and looked out for you, and saw you in the front garden with your dad. I wanted to stop but my nerves and not sure how it would effect you. I was almose shaking.
When all thoses problems happened i was going through a very strange time not much work, moving house, etc, trying to work out my future. Not sure if i made ,or did the wright things, but will have to live with them.
I hope we can have fond and happy thoughts and memories, of us, and the good times we had together_ Buba?Dancing?laughing? and many more , our loving our grandads ( who passed away.
So- if one day you ever decide you may wont to see me, please dont hesitate, or call,or if your ever in trouble, i will be there.I know you might not, or want to, which i will have have to accept! But like i said, after sharing apart of my fondest and most memerable parts of my life with you, for me that would be a shame. I am sorry.
I will carry the scar on my arm to my grave , and will never forget you till the day i die!
Always did! And always Will! Love You!
MarkXXXx
Live long and happy.
( his telephone number and address.
HELP AUNTS HE IS PLAYING ON MY HEART STRINGS_ I STILL DO AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE MARK.
HELP ME AUNTS PLEASE.
What do you thing about this letter??????????????????????
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou RCN.A true story for your kids to put a mile on their face. (hope its not to crude, but its true and really happened.MY CAT BUBA HAD THE SWEETEST REVENGE.Mark my ex was never very nice about my cat, he was always to rough with her.My cat buba ran for cover every time he came in,even after 3years.Buba was being hounded by the local tomcat.Mark said "You need to toughen her up shes a fat cat and the other cats are most probs laughing at her!"He told me "The way to teach an animal if it ever had an accident on the floor was to rub its nose in it, its the only way you it will learn."I ignored his creul comments.I went and brought a new magnetic catflap,that would ony let her in, as she was getting firghtened to go out.After weeks and weeks of his promiseing to put the catflap in, which he never bothered to do ihad to do it myself.I Jigsawed the wood from the door,screwed it in and put the magnet on Buba's collar. perfect! It was taking her a while to get used to the new way the flap opened.Mark comes over,stays then in the morning after another argument i hear him shouting Arrrrrr! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr!Im thinking,oh god,he is moaning about the cat food bowl being on the floor, hes most probs stepped in it.Is it buba? I call."ARRRRRRRRRRRR!" calls from the bathroom,hed been washing his face.I ran in to find a towel over the bath as usual but this time buba had pooded on the towel in the bath because she couldnt get out of the cat flap.Mark had been washing his face, grabbed for the towel and wiped cat poo all over his face!I was in fits of laughter, my dear sweet cat finely had her own revenge.
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male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (1 April 2008):
We didn't get hired for filming. I think we applied too late. That's okay, still had a great time with the kids.
If he does show up, kick him in the ________, and tell him you think you just saw a ghost run by and nailed him in his twins.
I know, that's bad, but it sure was funny thinking about it. I know you feel drained, and eating bad food is not going to help. Even when it comes to him, if he does run into you when your out, just go the other way. You shouldn't have to live hiding in fear all the time. If he wants to talk, just tell him "sory no reason too."
He says you're phone calls itsself. I'll tell ya, he's not just a lier, he's a bad one.
He does that, just like with his past with you, he just doesn't give a crap who he hurts as long as he's satisfied with what he's doing. In the long run, I believe you'll be much better off after going through all you have.
I hope you get over the food spell. Have a wonderful week.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm just trying to recover from food poisioning.Brought myself halfprice strawberries from the supermarket,for the weekend.They where green with mould the next day. Ive been throwing up violently all morning, so weak,thought i was goona die in my bathroom.
Thought they will find me dead on the tiolet,what away to go!
Feel phyiscally exhusted got an early night. Was just woken by Mark the ex phoneing my home number at 1.15 in ther morning. I pressed 1471 and its his mobile. he doesnt leave messages, just wakes me when i sleeping.
Then i started to get angrey,how dare he! im not well.
Know im worried,hope to god he doesnt turn up soon, ive only just started going into the garden again, looking over my shoulder.
In the past ive gone made at him for phoneing me, but that just makes things worse, he would say the phone called me by itself, i wouldnt phone you accuseing you.
Im totally fed up. I jsut feel hate for him now.
He choose his ex-girlfriend while he was seeing me, he then called her a bitch and said she couldnt commit, and how was he going to find another girlfirend.
He treated me like dirt, like i was nothing, and im not putting up with it anymore.
My dream is in the future when im with another man he will pick up the phone and say leave her alone!
sorry im just not well, i feel sick and now my mind starts, oh god no more!
Why does he do this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): Hey again Sweetie!
This is Miss anon again here lol! (I should sign up really I will so one fo these days!)
Im so happy to hear you sounding cheerier! To be honest, reading your post has helped me this week as I was thinking about the guy that I spent all last year getting over, and was feeling a bit sad and sorry for myself, so Thankyou for helping me take my mind off it!
Also, you won't believe this, I watched Gone With The Wind just 2 weeks ago for the first time! I am so amazed you mentioned it, what a great co-incidence! I got it for Christmas and only just got round to watching it, and it was so great! And so long! I was hooked and so happy to have finally seen it all the way through, what a fantastic movie!
Have a lovely relaxing girl-tastic weekend Sweetie, Spring is coming too which is lovely, (and about time too!) As I write this the sun is coming in through the windows and Im sending you lots of healing, peaceful and happy wishes.
x x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow! To the wonderful female anon- you got what i was feeling completely.I had a good cry, read then went to sleep.After reading your post today i feel better than i was.Your ideas are brilliant! i love classic old film,and have been trying to get another copy of "Gone with the wind"Scarlett Ohara-Adore her fighting spirit to survive.i even remember her words "I swear by almightly god, i'm not gonna let this thing beat me." Love it! shes on her hands and knees in the dirt, and its then when her fighting spirit comes back,to keep going.So will find the film this weekend, something to look forward to.I would love to do midnight gardening*, its the time when i stop thinking and am engrosed in the moment.Ive got so much to do, it just the apathy that hinders me.Was going to do some beauty treament, paint nails etc, another fab idea.Ive got a lot of respect for your ideas, i needed something concrete and constructive to focus on, something positive i can do.I am going to write a list of things i enjoy doing and stick it on the wall.I think i just had to cry it out and write down my feelings, but above all else what mattered was that their where other people their, that i wasnt completely isolated.Thankyou sincerely anon.Superb ideas!Its a bumpy road but im still lookinging forward.Thank you to the aunts.RCN how did the filming go?
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male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (27 March 2008):
Its hard when feeling alone. Then we ponder on could of would of should of. I use meditation as a form of relaxation and for stress relief.
What needs to happen in learning to really let go. Healing can't begin as long as you have this tight grip on these emotions. You can do this and begin healing anytime, but it's your choice to take that step and do so. When you carry these emotions around with you, it's your choice to not let go. Sometimes we experience pain, most often we don't and won't have all the answers to why something happened. Some things are best left unanswered, we let go, then take the step toward healing. Healing is a process, it's not immediate, but holding on this tight really prolongs the process.
Take care
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): Hey Sweetie,
I sat last night and read all of the posts here and my heart really went out to you. You are being so very brave and strong, and the sadness you feel is quite usual so allow yourself to go with the feelings when they wash over you, have a cry, and eventually the sadness will get less, I promise, I have been where you are now, and it's 18 months later and things are so much better.
I have one tip for you! It's going to sound silly but it will work! :o) Last year, I bought myself the boxset of Cagney and Lacey to watch, which was so much fun! It took me back to being a child, and was really fun for the week that I watched all the episodes! I also borrowed my Sister's boxset of Sex and The City, and re-watched all of those as well, which made me feel all strond and fabulous!
If you can't afford to go out, then buy your favourite old shows on boxsets used from Ebay or Amazon marketplace, and then when you have watched them, re-sell them and get your money back!
It may sounds silly, but while you're forced to stay home you may as well retreat into a happy fantasy world for a bit, which will at least take your mind of thinking about him (who - may I say sounds horrible!! I know you love him still but dear me, this man has treated you soooo badly!)
So, my advice for this Saturday night is to get yourself something great and fun to watch! And for the daytime, what about those plants you were going to put in the garden? Also, get some lovely things from the supermarket and make yourself something really nice for dinner, also think of some people you haven't talked to in a while and call them up!
This guy can't do anything to you, he already showed up at your house, and you were strong enough to walk past him and tell him to get lost, which was great by the way!
You don't need to explain anymore to him, there is no point in having the same conversation over and over about this other woman, all you say is nothing! If pushed, say 'it's over, please don't contact me again, if you cared for me at all you would respect my wishes and leave me alone.'
So please cheer up!
Another idea is to browse this forum, perhaps the 'cheating' section, and offer some advice to others on here. I found this website last year while getting over my heartache, and offering my advice to others really helped me to rise above my situation and realise that what I would advise others is what I should be doing myself. It's so hard to see or think clearly when feeling as you are now, but as soon as you realise how you would advise another person in a similar situation, then you'll begin to really see how to do the same for yourself.
Everyone here is rooting for you, everyone here thinks this man is a disgrace, and no good for you, so please take heart!
Loook at this time at home as time to relax and love yourself a little bit. Do a deep conditioning treatment or paint your toenails, there's lots of things you can do! I work nights so i LOVE having a night at home, to me it's a great luxury!
Hope that has helped a little!
Lots of love and stay strong! xx
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female
reader, tuatara  + ♥, writes (27 March 2008):
 Just keep remembering what he did to you, your tears should stop.
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