A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay guys, I really need your help. I am such a mess from worrying about this. I've explained a lot below...read it and let me know what you think?I am 22. I've been with my boyfriend, who is 23, for about a year, and I love him to death. We get along so well, we see eye to eye on everything, we have nice chemistry, we really balance each other out well...all that jazz, and all the makings of a great relationship. But I have some worries that he might actually not be straight at all...let me explain.He is such a sweet, sensitive, loving man. I adore that about him, but...sometimes he is even more sensitive than a girl. He takes criticism (even kind, constructive criticism) very hard, and he ends up curled up in bed crying if I tell him something he doesn't like. Like for example, his eating habits are awful so I suggested he eat a little better and support me on my diet, since heart problems run in his family...and he just laid there crying. I made it so clear that it didn't have anything to do with his physique...I think he looks great. :(I would just like to note by the way, that communication is usually not an issue. He can just get very sensitive and needs time to take things in and think, but then usually he is okay and understands it.He sleeps with the teddy bear I gave him every night, which I honestly think is sweet. His mannerisms are just very cute and sweet and adorable...this might sound ridiculous, but he reminds me of a hamster in some ways. He is my big, sweet, cuddly teddy bear.The other thing is that he is very intimidated by other guys. I can feel his anxiety and tension spike whenever there are other guys around, and I know it's not because he's afraid he'll lose me to one of them...it's because he is uncomfortable around most guys. Which I find interesting. Although, while most of his friends are girls, he does have a couple of guy friends, and gets along well with some of his male coworkers.Recently, we've started having sex, though we've been sexually active in other ways for most of the time we've been dating. But, he has so much trouble getting hard and especially staying hard. Now, I know this could be due to his cholesterol, etc, but...it worries me anyway.Aside from that, he's never called me beautiful, pretty, or anything suggesting that he is attracted to me. He's told me before that I have "nice curves" or a nicely sized butt, but that's it.He is not into boobs. He doesn't really like to look at them or to play with them. Truthfully, he only likes to grab and hit my butt...not much else of my body. I perform oral on him all of the time, but he also will not eat me out. He says that the taste disgusts him and that he's never been turned on by the thought of it or anything...he's actually turned off by it. In the year we've been together, even though I made sure to learn his body, what he likes, etc., he has only given me 3 orgasms (it's not that hard for me to come, I'm not one of those girls) and really never has taken the time to learn my body and what I like, even though I'm patient and gentle with him and always tell him I'll teach and guide him. I never expected him to just know what to do with me...he doesn't have THAT much experience (he had a 2 year relationship with a girl like 3 or 4 years ago he was somewhat sexually active with and they had sex literally once, but that's it).The first time we had sex (last week), he went soft inside me twice. He only stayed hard when I was on top, but then he came very quickly.So you see, I'm frustrated because I'm just not getting any sexual relief and it kind of hurts. I would think if he was attracted to me, he would want to see to it that he makes me feel just as good as I make him feel?To be clear, he's not a jerk about it. I brought it up the other day and he started crying and said he just doesn't know what to do, since he doesn't want to eat me out and he has erectile dysfunction AND ejaculates prematurely.His sex drive also is lower than mine...sometimes I wonder if his testosterone might be a little low. I just don't know what to think at this point.I'm getting to be at wit's end and I just don't know what to do anymore. I am not, I repeat, NOT even considering leaving him over the sex stuff or anything else. I'm really hoping to try and work through it. I love the guy! But, I do wonder if he might be gay, or what the issue might be...I have actually asked him about his sexuality (no it wasn't weird or mean of me, we have such an open and amazing relationship), and he swears he is not gay at all, but honestly upbringing can really numb us from our own sexualities if it strays from the norm...and his family is very old-fashioned and strict.Any thoughts? Insights? Is it probable that he really is straight, and I am looking too much into all this? I really am not at all interested in breaking things off with him...at all. And what on earth should I do about the sexual stuff? I am feeling very much left out as far as sexual things go. :/Thanks in advance! xo
View related questions:
boobs, co-worker, ejaculate, orgasm, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (5 February 2013):
Dear OP,
I agree with tasteofindia, he sounds more like depressed.
Of course he could be gay. But he could as well just be very sensitive, as you already told us. Men can be like that and be straight. Also, his dislike for oral sex doesn't prove anything.
What worries me is that there seems to be a bunch of unresolved emotional and sexual problems. He sounds adorable, but rather like someone you always need to take care of (and who, in turn, only cares about himself).
Also, it seems you always need to be the strong one.. dealing with his tears, erection problems, lack of compliments.. And in a relationship, it should be give and take.
Please make sure that your needs are met as well.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 February 2013):
 my husband is not gay but he's not interested in giving oral sex. Just because a guy does not like giving oral sex does not make him gay. My husband is very sensitive to taste and smell and texture. He even has food issues due to it. The whole concept of it makes him gag. Literally. He's sad about it too....
I doubt your boyfriend at his age has LOW-T it's usually part of "male menopause" and as such mostly affects older men. He may just have a low sex drive. It could be due to low self-esteem or depression or how he was raised.
If your needs other than orgasm are being met and you are happy... learn to bring yourself to orgasm and carry on.
Having a partner bring you to orgasm is highly over rated
...............................
A
female
reader, glittergal01 +, writes (5 February 2013):
Sounds gay to me, sorry. My BFF is gay and he would rather die than eat a girl out and straight guys Love it. They love they way it smells and tastes. If he's that young and getting soft that is extremely strange, not liking boobs well even my gay BFF likes them, he loves them. Bring another gay guy around they will tell you. Good Luck!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, CMMP! I know he definitely seems to have a string of emotional issues. I really don't want to break up with him...I will mention counseling to him again and pray that he will listen and get the help he needs.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 February 2013):
Well, the only thing that makes a guy gay is wanting to be with other guys.
Everything else you mentioned is more of a sign that he has a lot of emotional issues.
Is it possible he's gay? Sure. But none of this proves or even implies that.
It's also possible he's asexual, meaning he doesn't care for sex or possibly that he's not attracted to men or women.
If he's not willing to go to counseling then I highly suggest ending your relationship. If you don't you'll be in for a difficult life with him. It may be hard to break up with someone you love, but if he won't change for you then you deserve better.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, TasteofIndia! I have thought too that he could be clinically depressed. I know he used to see someone, but he stopped because he said it wasn't helping...he claimed it made him feel worse. With the strict parents he lives with, and his stubbornness...I don't see him wanting to get the help he needs :/
...............................
A
male
reader, Starmonster888  +, writes (5 February 2013):
 Doesn't sound gay to me.
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (5 February 2013):
 I don't know the guy, so I can't say whether or not he's gay. But from your description, "gay" doesn't jump out at me. To me, he sounds clinically depressed. My fella has depression, and when it was active, he was extremely sensitive and tended to curl up in bed and cry with a pillow over his head, rather than just talking about it. He had irrational reactions (always tears) to things that shouldn't warrant them.
About the sex, the depression easily effects both libido and performance. Maybe he's also just kind of lame in the sack. That can be dealt with through communication. But more importantly it sounds like he needs some counseling. Best of luck, dear! Depression is tough. It's tough for the person with it, and definitely tough for the partner of that person.
...............................
|
