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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I started dating in September..everything has been going pretty well..we both love each other and constantly tell each other, he is very sweet, i have met his friends and family. So far, he is the best guy i have been and can see myself marrying him. We are both in our late twenties.We both still live at home but his parents have a house so we are able to have privacy. They will be retiring and are planning on eventually selling the house within a year or two and moving. This leaves my boyfriend in a pressured situation because he wants to have a house and not spend money renting an apartment.We basically only see each other on weekends. We don't live too far apart but due to me not having my own place or privacy, the weekends just make more sense to us especially that he is tired usually after work.I started spending full weekends with him around mid october. He even mentioned a few times through text how he was offered to work Overtime but didn't want to give up the weekend with me. It made me feel really special that he actually wants to spend time with me.Lately he has been mentioning on and off about how he needs to work alot more overtime for that downpayment and that if he isn't offered much during the week he may have to take a weekend or two and there or one day during the weekend. It became somewhat more of a discussion recently because one night he picked me up and mentioned he was working all weekend. I didn't say anything but just looked sad and gave that pouty lip just as a reaction because obviously we wouldn't get much time together. He said just joking and that he turned it down. It seemed more like a test and how i would react and he said maybe it was a little just because he feels like he may need to say yes here and there and he wouldn't want to make a habit out of it but he wants to have that downpayment.I just sort of see it as possibly maybe he is tired of having me around from friday night til monday morning before work. I am also a little sad because that really is the only time we really have to enjoy each other's company. In reality i understand but it just makes me nervous we will drift apart. Honestly, i do miss him when i am not with him and I have gotten used to being with him on weekends. I did tell him that night over dinner that he has to do what is best for his future and i meant it in a nice way. He didn't really like that answer and later on told me that he hasn't known me long but he does see me in that picture so wouldn't this be for the both of us?It's sweet he said that but who knows what can happen in two years. I would love to be with him forever but i don't wanna rely on it and also afraid of getting hurt from this. I am just not sure how to go about this. Do i just say ok and tell him work the weekends whenever you want? and just basically let him go and make the decision himself? It's hard for me to say this and act completely normal but is that what i should do for him?I don't want to force him to spend that time with me if he feels he should be working. I told him i don't want him to hate me and he said he doesn't want me to hate him as well.I don't want to make any huge mistakes in this relationship because I love him and I miss him when I am not with him.What should i do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 February 2013):
 Wanting to work to better yourself is not him being tired of you.
He's thinking into the future. You are right who knows what can happen in two years... but there is a need now to prepare for that whether or not you are in the picture.
you are being rather selfish here.... why can't you go stay with him on the weekends and have friday and saturday nights together after work (and during the day you could do things on your own?)
how far apart do you two live?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): Yes you should let him work weekends and just let him decide what he wants to do.
You should be more understanding of him I doubt he will work all weekends long term, who wants to work 7 days a week forever. rather its just a temporary thing. If you want a future with him then invest in that future which means letting him make money for that house down payment. Don't say backhanded things like "you need to do what is best for yourself " that is a veiled insult to him no wonder he was taken aback. That was basically a passive aggressive way for you to accuse him of being selfish.
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A
male
reader, Broadminded +, writes (5 February 2013):
 Frankly, both of you are too young emotionally to get married. Your reactions and thoughts show your immaturity and he's too wishy washy to say what he wants. He needs to work. He wants to work. You want him to be with you because you're afraid. Have you ever looked at at how you act and think? Try that for awhile. Work on yourself and your life will flow. Right now, you're grasping for help and limiting your boyfriend's choices. You gave yourself the answer to what you need to do. Read it over again.
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