A
female
age
22-25,
*neDirectionFan
writes:I've been deeply in love with my history teacher ever since he joined my school last fall. He's in his late 20s I think and he's gorgeous with his cute long hair. This seems to be the problem. I have a huge crush on him and it's hurting me. I get super jealous when he talks to other girls in the class. He's very casual and allows us to joke around in the class. There's this one girl named XYZ who I hate with all my heart. She's very bright and is a high achiever. She always has amazing and funny stuff to tell him and others in the class. He would always laugh at the stories she told. She's his favourite student. This is something which I wanted from the day one. Actually, I used to the one who received the most attention from him. This was because I made a good impression on the first day of his joining. I knew a bit about what he was going to teach so he was really impressed. He would always ask how I was doing before starting the lecture. During that time, I thought he liked me. I was extremely happy. But, then this witch XYZ comes out of nowhere and ruins everything. Because of her I don't get that special attention from him anymore. Am I too boring for him mow? I'm so depressed. I don't know what to do. How can I get rid of my crush? I feel like expressing my feelings to him because I can't hold it in any longer. Also, I've been acting weird in class. I avoid looking at him. And, I answer his questions without making any eye contact with him. Do you think he will notice and maybe feel what I'm going through?
View related questions:
crush, depressed, jealous, my teacher Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abby_C  +, writes (10 March 2013):
Okay, first things first. You are awesome. There is only one of you. And it doesn't matter how great this other girl is or that your teacher is always talking to her. Hell, it doesn't matter if this teacher ends up marrying her one day. (He won't, but you know what I mean.)You are not any less of a person.It's normal to have a crush on a teacher. To you, he represents the kind of success that you want. You're interested in the subject and he is a good teacher. And if he approves of you, then you must be a successful person too, right?Not necessarily. The best teachers don't have favourites. The best teachers seek to bring out the best in all of their students and treat them all fairly. It seems to me that while your teacher is knowledgeable on the subject, he lacks the emotional maturity that goes with teaching an entire class. At the moment, he is allowing the student with the most dominent personality to take over the class. I bet plenty of other students in your class secretly find this very annoying too. What you need to do is keep studying because you find the subject interesting. Don't take much notice of the teacher and his class pet (which is, essentially, what this other girl is). And, please, please don't suck up to this guy or pretend to be someone that you are not in order to win his approval. Most people can smell that a mile away and can be put off.Now, the next thing you need to do is acknowledge the fact that you've put this guy up on a pedestal. He's not perfect. And his approval is not going to make you a better person or student. He's just a teacher who is paid to be there to teach and by the sounds of it, he's not doing as good a job as he could be. After that, you need to try and distance yourself a bit from him. Acknowledge that he's a teacher and you couldn't date anyway. Pay attention to the subject because you find it interesting, not because you want to impress the teacher.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 March 2013):
 Dear OneDierctionFran,
I know you won’t believe me but I was your age not too long ago (at least it feels that way)
When I was 17 I had a mad crush on my English Teacher. I found out recently (just a few weeks ago that he was only 23 when I had this crush on him) See it’s been THIRTY FIVE YEARS and I still remember this crush as if it was yesterday. My teacher also had long hair and wore jeans and cowboy boots to teach (this was when male teachers had short hair and wore suits to work still). I just a few weeks ago googled him to see what he was doing… I was very sad to learn he had died in 2007 at the young age of 53 and that he had given up teaching after a while. Maybe because having all these teen girls with crushes on him was hard. Who knows.
I know you think you are in love but you are not really. It’s a crush…and it’s huge in your life now… and you will probably always remember this teacher and the crush…. But there is not much else that will happen.
1. His job is to talk to all his students and be fair to all of you. You getting jealous of him speaking to other female students is just your insecurity showing. You so want to be special to him… you may be a favorite student and not even know it. Sometimes teachers are harder on their favorites so they don’t get accused of “playing favorites”
2. You say you hate this girl xyz with all your heart. That’s pretty powerful. Are you sure you hate her or do you envy her?
3. His laughing at her stories does not make her is favorite. You are just making an assumption based on what you see not what you know.
4. XYZ did not ruin everything. You really had nothing but a class a day with this guy right? You go home and lay in bed and dream about him….
5. He does not give you special attention anymore probably because he senses your crush on him and he knows to keep his distance and not encourage your feelings or set up a situation where he has to hurt your feelings or be accused of impropriety.
6. You are not too boring for him now. YOU ARE HIS STUDENT… NOTHING MORE.
I doubt you have to tell him how you feel, I’m betting he knows… a young girl with a mad crush is hard to miss if you are an adult and a teacher to boot and used to it. This is just something you have to live with…. It will pass with time. Be open to meeting boys your age…
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2013): Acting out is not a way to get attention from a man.
Perhaps you shoukd focus your energy on a crush closer to your own age.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (3 March 2013):
 He'll notice the change in your behavior. He'll probably realize what's going on. It's usually pretty obvious.
The thing is, this is NOT something you can act on or confess to him. The minute you do he would have to get the principal involved and probably have you change classes if he wants to keep his job.
Everyone develops crushes. Crushes on teachers are very very common. However, they are not something that should ever be acted upon. He is an authority figure. He has some power over you. Any imagined happy ending you have in your head about him will not come true. It's harsh, it's sad, but it's the truth.
You're young. Enjoy your youth and try to avoid taking classes from him again. Not having that stimulus in your life should make things easier.
As for your jealousy toward miss XYZ. She's in the same boat as you and neither of you will get anything other than heartache by pining after this teacher.
It's best to let this go.
...............................
|
