A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: so every friday, my susband has a day off. we thought to make it special on valentines day, and ended up having sex. we didn't hear the key turn in the door because the next thing i know, my thirteen yearold daughter's standing in the doorway looking shocked. it was my fault, because i didn't lock the living room door. my daughter still talks like nothing ever happened when we can get her to stay downstairs, but she avoids looking me or my husband in the eye, and it just seems really awkward. the man is not her real father. i don't know what to do i want my baby girl back. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): thanks for the help everyone. i'll wait for her to come around for a while. if the if she hasn't said anything, but it's still awkward, i'll talk to her. if it isn't awkward any more, i'll just leave it. and TaylorSwift1Fan, you said that thirteen year olds are immature, you seem very mature. i mean, you give great advice, and i don't think immature people can give good advice.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (23 February 2014):
 All I can think is EWW, I would have hated to walk in on my parents at that age. And I'm in my 40's.
I would tell her you are sorry to have put her in such an awkward situation, and that it won't happen again. If she needs to talk about it, you are there for her. IF she doesn't that is OK too.
She knows you two have sex. She is 13, not 2. But seeing it? Yea, not something ANY kid wants to see.
Having sex in the living room? really? When you know she at some point will be coming home? To me it seems like you WANTED to get caught. It get it you can get caught up in the moment, but once you have kids you can no longer be thoughtless like a teen.
Have sex in your bed room/bathroom - whichever room you can LOCK for privacy.
I agree with Cindy. As NATURAL as sex it, there is also such a thing as being discrete. I'm sure you wouldn't put a porn on with loud sound while you child is home.
Use common sense. It's not really that hard.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (23 February 2014):
 OP, I think you should let her come to you if and when she feels the need to discuss it. She got a bit of a surprise and she's processing the experience. I've known plenty of people who accidentally walked in on their parents and none were damaged by the experience.
Continue to be your usual self with her and eventually she'll come around.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): i think you should wait for her to talk to you about it, it'd be no good if you talked to her. she needs to take this in. a lot of thirteen year olds are very immature at this age, but she will come around. i'm thirteen, it's what i would want, because i'd need time to take it in. good luck x!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): Oops. It happens and believe me, your daughter probably doesn't want to be reminded of it! I'd just forget the whole incident and get on with things - and get a lock for your bedroom door.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 February 2014):
 I don't get how people can be so thick skinned.
Who cares if sex is healthy normal and natural ? there are tons of things that are healthy normal and natural, yet you do them in strict privacy and do not impose them on casual bystanders. That's why people do not just relieve their bladders in the middle of the living room in front of guests, and what's more normal healthy and natural than urinating.
I am fully an adult, and not a shy or prude one as for that, yet I would not want to walk in on my sister or cousins or friends having sex. Please spare me, if I want the live show I'll go to Bangkok. At least it's people I don't know there.
Lesson learned : when you have kids living at home, you simply can't be "thougtless ". You simply cannot do all you want when you want, and that puts limitations on your sex life . The act of locking doors or anyway doing what you need to do to protect your privacy, becomes ingrained and automatic , same as the act of not leaving sleeping pills just laying around when you have small kids.
I realize that I am making it sound as if it was a big major deal, OP, while instead, I am thinking exactly the opposite : awkward , embarassing, but , no need to make a fuss about it. She'll get over it. She knows that you are married, she knows that you are adults , and she knows that you have sex, so it's not like some epocal discovery for her. She probably would have prefererd not to witness these theorical data she knows, translated into live action, but, what's done is done, she won't be scarred or grossed out for life.
The reason why I make it sound as if it is a big major deal, when in practice it is not, it is because I am appalled by the " whatever " attitude of some posters ( and TBH a bit also by your thoughtlessness, OP ). People living under the same roof need to feel and SHOW respect for each other. Without it any cohabitation sooner or later becomes a dysfunctional nightmare. And respect, to me, includes also not involving into your sex life people who has no wish or need to be involved.
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A
female
reader, cgrlygo +, writes (23 February 2014):
 I would talk with her.. and apologize ... she's gonna get over it... but whats right is right.. and sometimes we make mistakes... assure her you wont make this one again..
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (23 February 2014):
I would talk about it. Just tell her you know it's a terribly awkward thing to see but it's just something that adults do. Apologize for not being very discreet and tell her you hope she's not too embarrassed by it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): What's the big deal!?
I don't get why parents pander so much to their children's "innocence". Let's be real, they already know what sex is and it's nothing to be ashamed of.
I, for one, would be happy to know that my parents have a healthy sex life, as the alternative is usually indicative of marital problems.
Anyway, I don't know if you need to bring it up, but if you do, just tell her it's a normal part of a healthy marriage and leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): It would have been just as traumatic if it HAD been her real father! I know you were doing what grown adults do, but why on earth were you doing it around the time she would be home and why were you doing it in the living room? I'm sure you didn't think you were going to get caught, but when you're a parent, your child should ALWAYS come first. Not to condemn you, I was having sex with my boyfriend while my son was at my sisters. They came over to surprise me because my sister (told me later) she suspected I would be drinking with Boyfriend (I wasn't) and decided that she really didn't feel comfortable babysitting overnight and therefore giving me the opportunity to do something immoral with someone I wasn't married to. I learned my lesson too when she threatened to call children's services. Just let your daughter get over it in her own time, maybe give your school's guidance counselor or ex husband a "heads up" in case your daughter wants to talk to someone and consider it a lesson learned.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): we were in the living room because we were being thoughtlless.
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