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My roommate says that I smell but I don't know whether she is being mean or honest

Tagged as: Friends, Health, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 August 2013) 9 Answers - (Newest, 22 August 2013)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My roommate and I hate each other and she says I have an odor problem when I’m doing what I know is right hygiene-wise. I’m at my wits end.

We’re in the military. We live in a 3-man room. She says that “my smell” infects the entire room. I have a poor sense of smell, yes, but here’s what I do:

-I bathe 1-2 times each day.

-I’ve changed detergents and soaps, 3-4 times EACH, in order to find something she thinks “works”. According to her, nothing has.

-I’ve changed deodorants.

-I do laundry every day to every other day

-I change my uniforms every day to every other day also (Uniforms are smell-resistant; in case you’re in the battlefield)

But she still complains about “the smell.” Our other roommate, however; says she smells nothing. I’ve compromised by changing my detergents, soaps, and deodorants to find something“better” to her; I feel she should compromise by stopping the complaints because I’ve put in effort to fix it. She won’t. Furthermore, the complaining roommate’s told me that two of my previous roommate’s agree about the smell, which is true, but back in those days I took cleanliness less seriously. Now I actually do take it seriously. She’s talked to a sergeant about it, but they’ve said nothing to me. I’ve had a physical and a pap. Both came back clear.

On one hand, people have told me that she might be trying to underhandedly cut me down because she dislikes me and I outrank her, but because I’ve heard of her complaint in the past, I wanna fix it--if its an actual problem. Should I ignore her?

Advice?

View related questions: military, roommate

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2013):

@So_Very_Confused--No I dont eat garlic :)

@anonymous- Thank you for that information. I will research Trimethylaminuria

@Caring Aunty A--You're very discerning: Yes, we DO have a very big clash of personalities. This particular roommate feels she's better than me because she's more fit than I am (I'm not fat, I'm just a slow runner.)And she's more conscienscious and loves attention. I'm much more go-with-the-flow and prefer to be under the radar. However, despite her opinions, I outrank her and that bothers her a lot. I've already set up an appointment with the doctor. I'll be seeing them next week Tuesday, to get their professional opinion on this and to get my sense of smell checked out as well.

@Honeypie- I'm a non-smoker.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (22 August 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntdo you eat garlic?

all the advice you have been given is excellent and I'd vote for ignoring her totally.. perhaps going to a chaplin or a sympathetic supervisor to discuss what else you can do to fix this interpersonal issue that appears to be her problem not yours is in order... being proactive takes the wind out of her sails.

the reason I asked about garlic.... it's not a breath issue.

you sound like your hygiene is better than mine for goodness sake... so I do not think it's that... but my younger son also a good groomer LOVES garlic but EVERY time he eats it he has an odd odor... not quite garlic but still an off color odor that emanates from his very core.. much like the poster below me who talked of the rare disorder that causes you to metabolize food oddly...

I doubt that's it... more like this Bee-otch is gunning for you because she feels inadequate and threatened...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2013):

One more thought...

You've already been given loads of good advice here and I'll agree that it sounds that your roommate is being a bitch and a bully.

If, however, you ask for other people's opinions (who you trust or would have no reason to lie to you) and you get conflicting answers you might want to consider a medical condition

There is a rare genetic condition called Trimethylaminuria (affecting mainly women) which means that the sufferer can't metabolise a substance called Trimethylamine found in certain foods. This causes them to excrete Trimethylamine through their pores, urine and breath which can make them smell very strong to other people. Suffers have been told that they smell like various unpleasant things including rotten eggs, frying beef, fish and sewage.

The sufferer can't smell themselves and the ability to smell this on another person also appears to be genetic as some people can't smell it but others can smell it strongly.

The smell can apparantly vary according to various factors including hormonal changes (i.e having a menstrual cycle) and after exercise when a person obviously sweats more.

It's diagnosable by blood test. There isn't a cure but it's managed with dietary changes to cut out the offending foods (I'm not sure what these are) and sometimes with medication.

But the condition is very rare so it's more likely that your roomie is a cow

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A female reader, Caring Aunty A Australia +, writes (22 August 2013):

Caring Aunty A agony auntBy disclosure, you previously did have an odour problem and now you’ve managed to eliminate all possibilities of that being you, but you still have a poor sense of smell from what you say… Yet the problem now appears to be with your (bitchy) roommate; a clash of personality and a power struggle is happening!?

Funny thing is ‘she’s the only one’ who smells it in your 3 man room now!? Think about it – she’s the one who stinks! Toughen up a bit and bite the petty bytch back... Tell her to stop stepping in dog shit and the smell won’t follow her around! Or hey there roomy, it might be the smell you picked up after kissing the Sergeant’s arse trying to squirm your way up the Military ladder…

Meanwhile get your sense of smell checked out as you’ve managed to eliminate every other possibility. The Sergeant will be aware of her character trait and know how to handle this if it were serious.

Take Care – Caring Aunty A

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013):

REPORT HER FOR ABUSE AND BULLYING. This woman stinks!!!!her whole attitude towards you and behind your back. She is trying to weaken you ( for what ever reason) Do not believe a single word that comes out of her smelly mouth. This post has upset me a little , because it reminds me of how cold hearted and nasty some people really are and take pleasure in hurting or stamping people down.

Take all your cleaning habbits as normal people do, and most certainly try and have HER REMOVED from where YOU LIVE. Stick up for yourself by NOT BELIEVING HER. iF IT WERE TRUE what she was saying, chanaces are you would not know anything about it, or you would be told ONCE in a gentle discreet manner, so as not to hurt your feelings, she is deliberatly trying to hurt your feelings. Tell her to take a bath to wash her own mouth out.

She is attacking you by making you INSECURE, and weak to make her more powerful.

She is bad news report her immediatley, for bullying. Remember people like this will try another weakening tactic about something personal, don't believe her, accept nothing of her words.

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A female reader, Aunty Babbit United Kingdom +, writes (21 August 2013):

Aunty Babbit agony auntThis girl is a bully and I think you should ignore her.

My advice would have been to ask someone you trust what they think but you've already clearly done that and been reassured.

This girl is very sad and seriously needs to grow up a bit.

Focus on your career and if she moans again, tell her to buy a peg.........for her nose.

The problem is her mouth not your body odour.

When you stand up to bullies they back down.........so stand up for yourself x

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A female reader, Intrigued3000 Canada +, writes (21 August 2013):

Intrigued3000 agony auntIgnore her. I think she's being mean. She's using what the two old room mates said and using it against you. Your other room mate does not have a problem with you, so that's evidence right there that she's just trying to cut into your self-confidence.

Next time she tells you that, tell her she's probably smelling herself and should get herself checked out.

There are so many revenge tactics you could use against her, but that will probably start an all out war, so the best thing to do is to ignore her completely and let her babble on like an insecure school girl. She sounds really immature.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013):

The only thing I can think of is you ask someone else to come into the room and give you an honest opinion. Do you have any friends you can trust that would do that for you? Or one of the sergeants may do this for you? Otherwise you could ask your doctor if they notice anything out of the ordinary about your odour?

To be honest though, if your other roommate doesn't notice then it seems as though it is her trying to be mean and upset you. Body odour is usually very noticeable and everyone else would be able to smell it. It seems as though she is trying to torture you with this because she knows you've had past problems with it. However, just to be sure I think you should get another opinion to put your mind at rest.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (21 August 2013):

Honeypie agony auntIs SHE the only one complaining about your "smell"? (and I mean to your face, not hearsay from her) If so, I'd say SHE has issues.

Having a "smelly" room mate is not something a Sgt is going to bother with unless a LOT more people had the same complaint and IF it meant you couldn't do your work.

ACU's are NOT smell resistant ( I know this for a fact after having send the last 16 years with a soldier) Though the T-shirts do seems to soak up sweat real well. So change the T-shirt/bra/undies/socks daily and you should be good. What you CAN do is to buy an odor neutralizing Febreeze and do your bedding when you get up in the morning and your uniform before you go to bed (if you are not washing it that day) - ACU's shouldn't need washing daily as it is.

Shower in the morning and after work should REALLY be enough.

There are odor blocking deodorants out there. Secret Clinical Strength Sensitive Skin is votes the most effective.

You can also stick some dryer sheets in your boots when you take them off. And... DO your laundry often. Dirty laundry can smell nasty - specially if you have 3 people in a small small room.

Do you smoke? If so, that could be part of it too. Also make sure you hydrate a lot during the day if you eat a lot of "gassy foods" (junk food especially) it can make you have a "sour" scent. If you eat breakfast in the mess-hall, make sure you load up on fruit - like honeydew/melons.

If SHE still complain after that, tell her SHE doesn't stink like roses either. And let her complain all she wants. Ignore it. Do you have any female friends around? If so ASK them about odor, tell them to be honest. Or tell her to ask for a room transfer? Personally, I think she is just enjoying heckling you. Some people are petty like that.

And seriously, if I had to wear BIG socks, underwear, T-short, ACU/Uniform + BIG boots I wouldn't smell like roses 24/7 either.

On a different note, I had a trainer who had problems with his sweat gland. He would sweat like a hog in 2 seconds flat and it would stink to high heaven. He had the ones in his armpits removed and that helped.. BUT if you DO have a sweat problem, you would be able to smell it yourself.

That is really all I can think off.

Good luck and don't let this chick ruin your life.

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