A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys/girls! Well I'm in need of help. So I'm struggling in this LDR. It's a very weird relationship b/c we've only Skyped, texted and rarely talk on the phone. He lives almost 5 hours away from me. So we've been trying to make things work but ever since I mentioned my friend/ex he's been always throwing it back to my face. We had a problem once and since he's with the national guard I seeker advice from this friend who's in the army. So he started talking so bad about him and how guys from the national guard are no good. He just told me that even though we're talking and trying to get to know each other that I'm just a side chick like all the other girls he's talking to. I went back to the guy in the national guard and asked him if there's been like issues with army and national guard guys. He asked me why and I told him the reason. That day was the day I wish I could take back. After he explained to me the whole situation with that I was just like ok I understand and I'm not bringing this up anymore. I left it like that and now everytime we have a problem he always brings him up! He's always just saying "I don't like that dumbass friend you have." Or "If you were a really good girl you wouldn't be taking advice from a dumbass guy like him." I was so tired of it that I just said told him that me and him used to date and we've been friend since then. I'm not sure if he felt betrayed because of this, since I didn't tell him the truth. I guess the way I thought of it was like I'm not telling him that we used to date b/c it only lasted a month so I didn't see no harm to it. Now I've been feeling he's been distant for the past 2 months. We talked over the phone recently and I did confront him of the situation. He just listened and said "If you don't want to talk anymore then just say it. I'm pretty sure that's what you want since you have your army guy." This got me angry b/c I was not thinking of this guy at all and he brings him up. We dated ONCE and we ended things mutually and decided to just be friends b/c even though we did date,we did see each other as good friends. I explained it to this guy. Me and the "army guy" have been friends for almost 5 years. We never had anything physical, not even a peck on the lips. So the guy I'm talking to I had texted him goodnight recently and he replied back saying "Goodnight. We'll talk later. I don't stay up late b/c of school." I haven't gotten a text or call from him at all. I'm not sure if this could be a factor for this whole situation. I'm not sure if I should end things and carry on because at this point it's been a week since we've talked. Should I just rationalize with both or leave this sour relationship the way it is?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I am to blame for this whole incident? I mean I just didn't think there would be harm since it's never been assured to me that I'm the only girl he's seeing. But I'm not sure if fading out of his life is the right decision.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2013): You didn't see any harm in keeping your past with this other guys a secret. But you have no right to decide what someone else should think is or isn't important, even when it's about you.
The principle of this is everything. Men absolutely do not want to be with a woman who they cannot trust to be honest with them about their past (or present) with other men. Period.
Talking to a friend and not admitting that he has been more than a friend? Its like not admitting that you are talking to someone who is more than a friend. Its the same difference from your other guy's point of view.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2013): You didn't see any harm in keeping your past with this other guys a secret. But you have no right to decide what someone else should think is or isn't important, even when it's about you. The principle of this is everything. Men absolutely do not want to be with a woman who they cannot trust to be honest with them about their past (or present) with other men. Period.Talking to a friend and not admitting that he has been more than a friend? Its like not admitting that you are talking to someone who is more than a friend. Its the same difference from your other guy's point of view.
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