A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married twice. The first, was very short at a very young age. The second, is my current husband. We have been married and together between 5-10 years. We share several children. He has a child from a previous relationship and we have children together. However, I share a very special emotional, spiritual, and intellectual bond, as well as, understanding with my (2nd)cousin. His mom and my mom are first cousins, so we share the same great grandfather. My marriage has it's ups and downs like all relationships, but he is very jealous and controling. I haven't seen my cousin in a while, but we've found each other again. He lives in another state, has a marriage of convenience to a woman he recently had a child with, and wants a divorce. I believe our families would dis-own us if we even thought of mentioning this bond. My husband senses the closeness we share and doesn't want me talking to him, or questions me about it. What should I do? Should we still talk? Should either of us divorce? Should we pursue a relationship together? Emotionally Exhausted
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female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (30 August 2007):
I think you should get a divorce if you dont love your husband. If you dont get a divorce then stay away from your damned cousin. Infact, dont have sexual relations with your cousin at all. How do you know he even feels the same. You could be mistaken.
A
female
reader, carebearer +, writes (30 August 2007):
I know everyone else has been saying that you should work hard at your marriage but the way you talk about your cousin is pretty intense. its clear that htere are very strong feelings there and I didnt read any such terms that you used to describe your husband.Maybe things have sadly come to an end for you and your husnband, maybe it was your cousin you always should have been with. Honestly do you and your cousin both share the exact same feelings? I could never advice someone who to get over someone they describe as having spiritual bond with.Please dont get me wrong, Im not sayiing to up sticks on a whim but look at both relationships you have are things salvageable between your hubby and you? Will your cousin leave his wife for you? Does your cousin feel the same way about you as you do about him?I know people dating your cousin is often looked on funny but I know of a woman that left her well off husband to move to the other end of the country to be with her cousin. That was years ago and they're still together today. If it's true love and a genuine emotional connection then go for it, but if it's magnetic lust watch out.Good Luck and I hope true love finds you properly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): First - It is legal to marry your 2nd cousin in ALL 50 States. Second - Even genetics wise, it is not a high risk if you two wanted children. Third - It is even Biblically speaking, safe to marry second cousins, as it was done in the Bible. Fourth - This would be your 2nd Divorce, not 3rd, right?Ask yourself a few questions:Was your husband jealous and controling even before the cousin came in the picture again?What about your children?Is the very special emotional, spiritual, and intellectual bond, as well as, understanding with your(2nd)cousin more than the bond with your husband? or just different? NEW?Is it really DRAMA that you are seeking? or Does your marriage already have too much, and that is why you are seeking less with someone you already have a history with?I agree that your husband senses danger and he's right. I also agree that even if you divorce, your cousin may still stay married. You need to carefully think things through, and decide what is best for ALL parties involved. However, I do believe it is extremely possible to LOVE more than one person very deeply. For example: Your cousin - because you are close, know each other well, and have a long past (in most cases) Your husband - because you obviously married him, sounds like you still love him, or you wouldn't be thinking things through, you would just react on the first emotion, or the strongest one.Did you know that cousin marriages in other countries are about 80%? They have been happening for years. We are all kin somewhere down the line.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 You asked: My husband senses the closeness we share and doesn't want me talking to him, or questions me about it. What should I do?
You should listen to your husband. Are you sure you want to go for divorce number 3?
Should we still talk?
No.
Should either of us divorce?
I think YOU should put this time and effort into your marriage (the one you actually have right now). As for what he should do...it is not your concern.
Should we pursue a relationship together?
No.
Emotionally Exhausted
No kidding....you bring it on yourself. Is it possible that you are simply addicted to the drama of it all? Addiction to drama is DEATH to any long term relationship.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (29 August 2007):
 Hi
Your husband senses a closeness because there is one.
We all have instincts, his are telling him this is dangerous (for him) he's right?
I think if you want to save your marriage, then you keep your distance from this cousin.
If you dont, then you have to do whats right for you.
You cant blame your hubby for reacting like he is though.
He could be the most jealous guy in the world but he wouldnt be wrong this time would he.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): I think you know the answer.If you decide to separate from your husband and get divorced, don't base such a decision on your feelings for your cousin. Consider the pro's and con's of living with your spouse, and then see whether you want to remain married.Even if you do divorce, I hope you know that you are not free to pursue a relationship with your cousin? Not unless he also gets a divorce.If you remain married, you should give up all thoughts of a relationship with your cousin. Its the right, moral thing to do - no matter what the temptation or rationalizations you can think of.
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