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My husband is giving me all these std's , do you think he cheated?

Tagged as: Cheating, Health, Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 March 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2017)
A female United States age 22-25, *eenwitch writes:

Do you think my husband cheated? Hi! so, nine days ago my husband went out with his coworkers to have some drinks and he didn't call me to say he'll come home late or what he would be up to. This left me with a bad feeling because It was weird, you know, I felt something, he came late and a little drunk, he doesn't use a phone currently but the fact is he always calls me from other phones and this time not and he was missing for 6 hours. We have sex every day ,we never use condoms because he doesn't like to use them and I don't either but I know how important they are. I felt that he could have cheated on me and that I should use a condom but he didn't have one and we did it several times. two days ago me and my man had a long session of sex it was kind of rough and for this time we used a condom because I didn't want to get pregnant. I wake up the next day with a nasty infection , I called my gynecologist and she says It sounds like I have trichomoniasis and we need to run some tests. I've never had anything like this before but she did tell me it is a sexually transmited disease and the symptoms start from 5 to 28 days after exposure..... that this can pass even if you use a condom and It is not for sure but most likely it is, so I'm thinking about what's been on the back of my mind since that day. That he cheated! Because a few months ago he got a herpes exam done (he doesn't say why he got it) and didn't tell me , and I found out because I saw the results on his mailbox as soon as he got them I was the first to see them and it was positive for herpes 2 igg 11.0 (positive) and negative Igm which means he contracted herpes in the past! he lied to me he made a fake test that said negative! and then when I confronted him he said he never had any symptoms (weird huh? why he suddenly got tested then and didn't tell me? he was only with me and he knows I have only had one partner in 5 years and my ex was my only partner. so I decided to forgive him but it broke my heart that he didn't tell me and was ok to exposing me to the shit he got for being a sleeparound so now his past is present here because he got all the nasty shit for sleeping with every single girl without even using protection , and it makes me sick to think about all the girls I know he had sex with and how he even got the herpes, I got tested it was negative but I'm still scared to have sex every time we do it it's in the back of my mind that he has been with sluts and I get so jealous and miserable to think my cute hubby has been with all these hoes and now has herpes forever and I am going to be the one paying the consecuences spending so much like I already have at the doctor. Now with this I don't know how to even bring up to him what I'm feeling because I'm feeling hurt and also if I got the std do you think he cheated?

View related questions: cheated on me, co-worker, condom, drunk, herpes, jealous, my ex, std

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (29 March 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntYou have posted this before about him coming home smelling off condoms even though you don't use them. You will probably get the same advice again, if you don't trust him then leave him. Also nobody can diagnose you with an STI without a smear test.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2017):

I would really make sure you have an STD before you plan your course. The herpes thing does sound kind of bad, but is it possible that a past partner contacted him years later to tell him he might have herpes and to get tested?

By the way, you REALLY should get some other birth control. The withdrawal method is a fairly good way to get pregnant. If you don't like the pill look into IUDs maybe?

It sounds to me like you love this guy-- if you find out he did cheat, maybe you could give him an ultimatum instead of just breaking up?

Best of luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2017):

If your husband gives you stds you should get a divorce as he has no concerns about sleeping around and you are propping up a liar and a cheat!

Trichomoniasis is a nasty smelly disease and should be enough to put you off him but to be sure of everything speak to your gynaecologist again!

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A female reader, like I see it United States +, writes (19 March 2017):

like I see it agony auntI'm sorry to hear you are going through this. You won't like this part, but your husband is as much a "slut" for sleeping with a bunch of random girls without protection as they are for sleeping with him, so your anger toward his past partners is misplaced. Be mad at your husband for exposing you to the consequences of his promiscuous behavior and more importantly LYING to you about his test results! That right there - the blatant disregard for your health - would be a deal-breaker for me, but since you seem ready to move past that part of the situation, here is my advice on the subject:

The timing on his STD tests is suspicious, to say the least. Did you two get tested before marriage, or before you decided to have unprotected sex for the first time? If so, it should be pretty obvious as to whether the HSV is something he got recently or has had for some time. If you didn't get tested, well... unless he's had HSV for years and only recently noticed an outbreak, it makes no sense that he'd be be checking "just because" in the middle of his marriage to you. This is a big red flag that something has probably changed recently with regard to his sexual history because he's feeling the need to investigate further.

Before you confront him about all of this, get the whole picture to the extent that you can. Get tested first and be sure the symptoms you're experiencing actually are due to trichomoniasis and not a yeast infection, BV, or UTI. Then talk to your gynecologist about what this means for your marriage - i.e., if there's any way either STD could have been contracted a long time ago and only just now shown symptoms without your husband having been recently intimate with a different partner than you. I guarantee you will not be the first person to ask him/her that question, nor will you be the last. Not being a doctor, I can't tell you if it's possible for a man to have trichomoniasis for an extended period of time without symptoms and have unprotected sex with his wife many times before actually passing it to her, but that scenario seems unlikely at best.

In your shoes I would start thinking about what your decision would be if it comes out that your husband has in fact cheated on you, because at the moment the evidence seems to be pointing that direction. And in the meantime I would be using protection with him EVERY time, since he has given you reason not to trust him in this regard.

Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes getting to the bottom of this.

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