A
male
age
30-35,
*igD79
writes:girlfriend obsessed with exes, attacks me verbally.ive been with this girl for almost 11 monthes. some days she begins to think about my ex, she goes on her twitter page, facebook etc. . .then she brings her up at least 4 times a week telling me different things about her (my ex)like h=what she doing, who shes dating. the thing is i dont care and i laugh at some of the stuff and just comment a little and change the subject. then other times, shell stat getting quiet and not syaing much and then i know shes all insecure about it, and when i ask her whats wrong she says im just thinking. i try to get her to talk to me but usually she says theres nothing to talk about, so i usually drop it because i dont want to make anything worse. shes accused me makeing it worse when i was trying to help by talking to her. now she is asking me to compare her to my ex, in every way, physically, mentally, sexually etc. is this wierd?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 April 2012):
 she sounds VERY insecure.
what happens when you tell her that her behavior is unacceptable?
A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 No, this is not weird. For some reason your girlfriend is feeling very insecure. She is looking for a lot of reassurance from you.
Don't compare her to your ex-girlfriend. You don't want to buy into her game. Buy her some flowers, take her out somewhere special and tell her what it is that makes her wonderful to you. Tell her everything, but don't dare start comparing them. That is a path you don't want to go down.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): You might need to chose your moment, sit her down and have a good talk to her. She sounds jealous and insecure. If this is affecting your relationship with her, she needs to know that.
By constantly checking on this other girl, she is cranking up her insecurities all the time and that`s not good for either of you! Its common for some girls to want to hear that they are `better` than an ex. A lot of older women dont really give a fig about that sort of thing but for a lot of younger girls its different. And somewhere along the line the message that she is better, hasnt gotten through to her. Either you were let go by your ex, so your current girlfriend sort of knows you wouldnt even be with her if you had had your way. Or something happened when you two first started dating that`s made your current girlfriend feel you still have feelings for your ex. OR your current girlfriend was let down by one of her ex`s and it has left her with insecurities. Only she really knows.
So you need to talk to her and find out what`s really bugging her. Unless you can do that, she wont stop what she is doing. And if she wants you to compare, which you have probably done to yourself anyway! Then compare for her. Tell her how much better she is in this or that way. If shes telling you that`s what she needs, let her have it! Just remember how you compare them in case you get asked again. Girls have good memories, so if you say her eyes are prettier than the ex`s ect. Remember what you have said in case you have to reinforce that a few times before she is happy. Its work for you but relationships need working on at times.
If you tell her EXACTLY how her behaviour is making you feel. AND you can really listen to her response and give her what she needs, I am sure it will work out OK for you both.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): Yikes your relationship may be doomed cos your girlfriend is dysdunctional and you know she actually wants to drive herself crazy with insecurity. She wants to feed her insecurity and no matter what you do or how you react it will be the wrong way because she has already decided that.
She has serious issues and there's nothing you can do about them. I think your relationship is doomed because she wants to destroy it. Better leave her now before it gets uglier. The longer you stay the more she's going to target you and nothing you do or say will stop it cos she just wants to punish herself and you.
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A
female
reader, Wisdom +, writes (11 April 2012):
 Yep, very weird.
Try and talk to her and find out why she feels this way. You may end up in a fight but better to have a little fight now than her feel this way long term and you having to put up with the behaviour.
There maybe an underlying issue here with your GF....
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 April 2012):
 Sounds like retrograde jealousy. Where she is jealous that you have ever had feelings for people other than her, and basically "punishes" you for it. We have many posts on this site about this, you can find them through the search in the upper right corner.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 Yes. Very.
Can you ask her to please stop?
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