A
female
age
26-29,
*ookworm
writes:So a little back story first. I'm 17, I was sexually abused by my ex for almost a year, and I am working with the police on charges for the assault. Because I am a minor, I have to tell my parents that I am making allegations against him, and they have to talk to the police. I have told them nothing about the incident, I don't even know if they knew we were dating at the time. Does anyone have any advice on how to tell my parents about this? We don't exactly have a close relationship, and I'm not sure how to talk to them about it. The second part of my life that is adding to my stress and worry is my current boyfriend, and this other guy I have started talking with recently. The other guy contradicts himself constantly, saying stuff like I want to be friends, and he wants me to trust him, but then asks me to take my clothes off. Understandably, boyfriend isn't impressed, but the two of them are close to the only people I talk to on a regular basis. I find myself physically attracted to the other guy, but I don't have any intentions to break it off with my boyfriend. I feel like i need a break to be single, and prove to myself I can take care of myself, as I haven't been on my since the abusive relationship started. I don't know if a break is the best thing, but I don't know how else to prove that I can be strong. Any advice on how to act with the other guy, and how to sort out the pile of issues that add to each other? Thank you so much for your help.
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female
reader, bookworm +, writes (11 April 2012):
bookworm is verified as being by the original poster of the question My boyfriend is trying to get him to back off, its just been awkward timing with leaving the country after the other guy asked for sexual stuff the first time. me and the other guy aren't really talking anymore, I didn't put out enough for him. I was angry and upset that that was why, but now Im more angry that he is such a douche. I dont really have a lot of girlfriends, drifted apart when they got involved with their boyfriends. Thanks for the advice guys
A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 As far as the problem with your ex is concerned, you really must tell your parents straight out. There is no easy way to do that but you have to.In the second part of your life; more abuse. You are being treated with contempt and disrespect. This will eventually undermine how you feel about yourself. You will find your confidence and image of yourself rapidly eroded by those two losers. Your boyfriend doesn't even have enough spine to get this other guy to back off. Get rid of them both.You will find that there are plenty of other guys in the world that you can be attracted to. You should be treated better than you are. Don't you think you deserve that? I do.DO you have any girlfriends that you can talk to? If not, make more friends.Don't let yourself become a habitual victim. Take control of your life while you're so young.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): First of all I would like to congratulate you on having the strength to bring this abuser to justice. That alone proves what a strong person you are. And I would like to thank you for putting the brakes on this individual, so that other girls will be safe from him. Thank you.
As regards your parents. Is there a friend, maybe even your boyfriend? Or an aunt or cousin who could support you when you tell your parents? Maybe go to the parent you find easier to talk to and start there because they will both need to know whats happening. The one you find easier to talk to could tell the other for you. Dont be surprised if they get upset or even very angry with the abuser. It will be distressing for them to hear, so be prepared for that and make sure you have someone close for comfort and support when you disclose.
As for the person you speak to. Try and drop him like a hot brick. You dont need a `friend` like that in your life. He is being totally inappropriate and disrespectful to you. If you have real feelings for your boyfriend. If he makes you happy and respects you. Then being with him is a good thing not a bad thing. You dont need to send him away to prove you can be strong. You ARE strong with or without him.
If life feels cluttered with people that are causing you strife at the moment and you feel a need to off load someone. In my opinion it should be this `friend`. You have enough to cope with right now and don`t need the negative things he is bringing to your table. Stay strong and all the best to you.
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