A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Around four years ago me and 3 friends from school created a gmail account dedicated exclusively to school things. Presentations, home works, things like that, we all had the password to that account and whenever we wanted to store important information available for the other 3 we sent it to that email address. We all started studying in different colleges and stopped using that account. Two days ago I wanted to show a friend of mine a presentation we did for a project because she has to do something similar, so later I logged into that account and discovered that my male friend started using that account for personal things, at first I thought it had been hacked or something as it was filled with spam from porn and casual sex websites. I didn't pay too much attention and looked for the presentation I needed, until I went to the "sent" folder and saw a lot of emails there. I was curious and opened a few and saw that my friend was sending naked pictures of himself to a lot of guys. (He is gay, but he has a boyfriend and is in a committed relationship with him)I feel so guilty about this, like I violated his privacy. And also I feel bad about the boyfriend, I don't know if the are ok with sharing pictures like that with other people but for me that would be cheating.Did I do something wrong? How can I deal with this situation? I´m confused and I feel like I did something bad
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): How could you have done anything wrong if you have access to that account like anyone else? You didn't go looking for anything accept your own stored information. You unfortunately came upon stuff that the account was not intended for. He is probably having sex with multiple partners, and your other friend may not be aware of that.
Unfortunately; being gay, we are in the highest risk group for HIV infection.
I would normally suggest that you not interfere in your friend's personal-life. He may be involved in high-risk behavior. By all means, suggest that he immediately remove all the trash he doesn't wish to share with others within the group; who have full rights to access. His stupidity is what made you a part of all this.
You can offer him any opinion you like; because he misused the account. You can also use what you know for leverage. To make sure both he and his partner get tested.
You really don't know but one side, and that really doesn't matter. They may have problems within the relationship you're unaware of. Your involvement is due to the misuse of the account. He could expose everyone registered on that account to hacking; even child pornography if a hacker hijacks the account. If he's using it for anything other than what everyone agreed to, he put you in vulnerable position. Porn sites are infected with all sorts of viruses.
We get a lot of posts from third parties asking if they should inform a friend if their partner is cheating. If you are willing to deal with any and every possible outcome of telling what you know. Go ahead.
Demand that he get all that trash out of the account; or you will inform his partner of what you know. My guess is he will purge it long before you get that opportunity. Then it's your word against his. I strongly suggest you close-out that account under your user information.
Tell the cheater what you've seen. Please don't hesitate to give him a major piece of your mind.
Inform him that if he doesn't take his partner to get tested for HIV and other possible STD's, you will spill the beans. Let him know that you are going to ask his partner when he was last tested; and that you will insist that he get tested to be on the safe-side.
Let the pig know that you will not stand aside and allow him to risk his partner's health. Let him know that you have a moral obligation to his partner to let him know; if you feel his health may be at risk. You must first give him the opportunity to do it. If he doesn't. Tell every damned thing you know. It's better to lose a friend by pissing them off, than to a life-threatening disease.
A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (13 June 2014):
 Hi,
You didn't do anything wrong, he is using a joint account for sexual purposes.
I would say don't go through peoples sen't folder, just because you never know what you may come across.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 June 2014):
 Here's what I would do. Send a group message to the people who have access to the account (strange that no one has changed the password.)
"Hey guys, I logged into our old account from school to find on old presentation. Holy cow, the amount of spam from porno sites is AMAZING. I think it's time we close it down. Does anyone mind if we do that?"
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 June 2014):
You didn't do anything wrong. It was a shared account and he must have assumed you stopped using it.
As for what he's using it for? You may not be privy to their private choices. A gay friend of mine is in a committed relationship but it is an open one, they are both fine with having friends and sexual encounters outside the relationship. That relationship has been strong and going for over 20 years, so it's working for them. That sort of relationship wouldn't work for me but I'm not the one in it.
If you are concerned for your friend's privacy, you could send him a message letting him know that you logged into the shared account to retrieve that presentation and discovered he'd been using it. As there are other friends with access to it, you could suggest he should set up another account.
Or you could just choose to mentally delete the account details and carry on with your life and let him carry on with his.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (13 June 2014):
 You did nothing. In fact the wrong was done by your friend who used what he knew was a shared account for his own sexual pursuits. I'd say HE was the one doing the imposing.
Email accounts are easy to create and if he wanted his private life kept private he should have done just that.
My advice is to stop using that account and set up a new one with the remaining friends who keep using it as intended. Or just set up your own for that purpose, or create a folder in your existing personal account.
If he wants to cheat on his boyfriend and pursue other men, that's up to him. You don't have to share his secrets, but you shouldn't have them shoved in your face either.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (13 June 2014):
 You didn't do anything wrong, but I would stay well out of the situation.
You came across this information due to a genuine, honest reason. In hindsight it may have been better to not open any sent emails but, as it had been a jointly owned email address, and you were looking for a presentation, I don't think you should feel guilty. If this guy wanted to keep this stuff private he should have created his own, (very) private email account. He knew Three other people knew the password.
As for his habits and so forth, its non of your business. It may be that he and his partner are in an open relationship. Even if he is cheating in some way, its not for you to interfere. I know you will feel bad for the guy but you should never bring it up.
Mark
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