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My friend doesn't know if he likes her or not or if she has a chance with him

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 March 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2017)
A male United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Just wanted to say thank you for taking your time to read this first.

This has nothing to do with me, my friend is having problems reading this guy she likes and I thought asking here would help as I understand a lot of people here give out good advice.

To start things off she has liked this guy for quite a long time and she recently developed a crush on him as far back as September last year. She finally managed to summon the courage to at least give him a card with her number, basically asking him out(I should note he works at a kiosk in a supermarket so doing that definitely took a lot of courage).

He replied back thanking her for the card and agreed to meet up with her. This of course made her extremely happy and before they met up they spent quite a bit of time talking over text to which she claims he was very pleasant and seemed interested in her, even going as far as asking how she was and putting smiley faces on the end of his texts (She said he doesn't like texting and he's very shy and nervous when talking to new people).

This of course sounds like very good news for her and she was extremely happy about this. They managed to meet up and decided to go to a pub for a few drinks. She claims throughout the entire time he did come across as a bit stiff and things were awkward to begin with, he had one hand on his lap and the other half curled up in a fist on the table but he maintained eye contact, answered every question she asked and even asked her personal questions and bought her a second drink, they talked solidly for 3 hours straight.

She found out he had a lot in common with her and the only difference was he doesn't like sugary sweets or desserts, with this it sounded like everything was pretty much perfect for her but she found out that he had recently (not sure how recent as he never stated) broken up with his girlfriend of which he was with for 2 years and he stated that it started off with them growing apart towards the end and it eventually ended quite badly. With this he stated that he wasn't looking for a relationship and after they left she texted him saying she really enjoyed spending time with him and that she understood his feelings and was happy to be friends to which he replied the same.

A week later she asked if he was interested in meeting up again but he replied saying that he was busy next week as he was on holiday seeing family and he stated, and to this I quote "I'm not looking for a relationship, sorry" at the end of his text. Not once in her text did she hint that she was asking if he wanted one with her, she merely asked if she wanted to hang out as friends.

Most people would take that as a no and move on but because he never stated how he felt about her she's really struggling to understand as everything to her felt perfect and it felt like he was interested in her because if he wasn't why else would he accept a card basically asking him out.

Do you think my friend has a chance with him or do you think she should move on, it has been over 2 weeks since that text and he hasn't messaged her since and she's too afraid to ask him how he feels as she thinks she's being too pushy or that she'd irritate/anger/upset/disrespect or just come off as desperate.

Thank you for your time and I apologize if you require more information, I can only tell you what she has told me and I don't know how he truly feels, thank you.

View related questions: crush, her ex, move on, on holiday, shy, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (29 March 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI do hope your friend doesn't waste any more off her time on this guy. It is clear he is not interested. Yes he accepted her card but my guess is the more he got to know her the more he knew their was no connection.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

OP here.Thank you for your responses, unfortunately though my friend still believes that she has a chance because he hasn't stated how he feels even though I made it perfectly clear what "I'm not looking for a relationship" means and she's going to ask him upfront soon despite my objections.

Thank you for your help anyway :)

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (19 March 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt No, your friend should let this go. He HAS made very clear about what he feels , she just does not want to hear it. If she persists, she WILL come off as pushy or desperate.

So, why did he accept to go out on a date, and a longish one too ? Well, that's what the process of dating is for, isn'it ? You give people a chance. You start from knowing zilch about them,- just that you find them sort of attractive, or that THEY are attracted to you, and you give them a try by spending a few hours together and seeing if there might be anything there. He came out, spent a couple hours pleasantly with this girl, which I am sure he does not regret ; and decided that there was no point in taking things any further. He is just not interested enough- in romance OR friendship.

Tell your friend not to worry- you win some, you lose some- better luck next time !

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (19 March 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntI think the guy in question HAS stated how he feels, he has told her he isn't interested in a relationship and has not contacted her in the two weeks since.

To be he has effectively used non verbal communication to get his feelings across ... your friend should not be contacting him to find out how he feels, that indeed would be viewed as pushy.

Your friend needs to accept there is nothing here for her, leave the ball in his court and prepare to move on.

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