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Second cousin is pregnant and I'm the father. How do we break this news to the family?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Pregnancy, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 March 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2017)
A male United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

My second cousin, Brooke, and I have always been very close. We never officially dated but on rare occasions, we did become physical. When we were both 14 years old, she was my first kiss. Most of the time we are not physical. We just spend time together doing hobbies that we have in common (fishing, hunting, hiking, est.). Except on those extremely rare occasions that we make out, we act like normal cousins.

Well, last month, we went to a wedding and since we both were going to be drinking, we decided to rent a hotel room (the wedding reception was at a hotel) and split the cost 50/50. We have shared rooms in the past with no problem. Well, after the wedding when we both were drunk, we had sex for the first time.

She has been feeling odd for a few weeks now and went to the doctor and found out she is pregnant. She says she has not had sex with anybody except me for over two years now and I believe her.

How do we break the news to our family that she is pregnant and that I am the father?

View related questions: cousin, drunk, wedding

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (29 March 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHonestly the best thing you can do is just bite the bullet and be honest. Not only will your parents be disappointed because you are related they will also be disappointed that it was a one night stand, that none off you thought off protection and you are both young. Let us know how you get on.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2017):

So she wants to keep the baby? What is the plan? Because that really affects whom you tell.

Also pregnancy with a 2nd cousin is considered genetically safe now.

I'm not sure what advice you really are expecting... Find a greeting card: "At least I wasn't driving drunk!"

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2017):

The problem here is that you are not in a relationship, but only recently had a one night stand and that was only because you were drunk!

Im not sure it helps to involve your families unless your cousin is planing on keeping the child and bringing the baby up with your financial help.

It seems a little ironic that you took the room together only to save money and now you are facing a lifetime of financial committment and mental and emotional commitment without being prepared for it.

If your cousin decides to terminate her unexpected pregnancy you need to pay for her to go to a decent place because back street abortions can result in death to the mother due to unhygenic practices.

How come it was the first time recently when you have shared a room before?

And is the 2yr non sex supposed to mean your cousin was abstaining from sex, but not a virgin?

If you are planning on being in a committed relationship I suggest you buy her a ring and announce your engagement followed by the news that your future wife is pregnant a few weeks later and if necessary push the wedding date forward.

Finally your cousin may decide that you are not the partner for her, but keep the child and then your relationship with her would never get off the ground but you would still be responsible financially for the next 18 yrs.

You should talk to your cousin to see how she feels, before you involve anyone else.

A lot depends on the kind of family you have and what you want to do will remain your decision and hers.

It is better if you are both in agreement over the outcome of your projected future.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2017):

"How do we break the news to our family that she is pregnant and that I am the father?"

If you're asking how do you tell them without making them upset or angry, then you're asking the impossible.

All you can do is own up to your own recklessness and irresponsibility and tell them, "We're sorry but we did something really stupid and . . ."

But telling your parents should be the least of your worries. The two of you are about to have a kid for whom you are aren't ready, completely unprepared, and unable to provide a stable home and family life.

I'm assuming your parents would not be happy at the prospect of effectively raising their grandchild (and first cousin, twice removed) so as of now you should be determining what course of action you need to take keeping the child's best interests (not yours) paramount at all times.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (18 March 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntJust come out with it. It's one thing to have sex with your cousin, but another to do it without contraception. Priorities need to be sorted out now - you're both young and naive.

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