A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I linked with my ex over a year ago, my first love. We have know each other for 30 years. I have a family. He is single with no ties.We have been on dates and slept together a few times but kept it light.It was his birthday a few weeks ago and a woman posted a picture about Leo's. It was quite suggestive e.g. Leo's are very attractive, great kissers, good listeners etc. He re-posted the picture and wrote underneath " Will be yours soon Lion". I took this to mean, it will be her birthday soon.I posted underneath that I agreed with most of the above and wished him a happy birthday. He replied thank you and see you soon. xShe then posted "Vamps then me straight after LOL!" I did not know what this meant. My son told me there is a band called Vamps. I was wondering if she was referring to this.I got a feeling that she was a little annoyed. I have noticed the post has been removed off his timeline.I am wondering he she removed it.I am a little confused as to how I feel about him. I am lonely and do not have many friends. I love being with him. I KNOW he is seeing other women as he is not seeing me as I am playing hard as I do not want a FWB relationship.He last contacted me after his birthday as I sent him a gift through the post. I made sure I was away on holiday for his birthday. He was surprised. We did not speak only texted. I may have offended him with a comment about seeing him if he is not washing his hair - he is bald.Any words of advice. I realise I can not change him.I suggested meeting up but he has a problem seeing me on w ends which I find offensive. He has told me that he is not ready to commit. So I know what I am dealing with. I am not one to sleep around but realise that I should really start dating myself.Its hard to explain but I do still have deep feelings for this guy and do feel a little twinch of jealously when I read things from other girls. I know he is still attracted to me but I am giving him a little while to chase if interested, if not I am moving on.I meet him 30 years ago and he got 15 years of my life then I went on and had kids for someone else. We rekindled again then he lost me again for over 13 years. He spoke about starting a family with me but said something that really turned me off in relation to commitment, so it never happened. I decided to cut ties with him. He came to me in a dream a year ago and I sent him a message on farebook telling him I saw him in a dream. We meet up and that's how we are in communication now
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (24 August 2016):
 BT/DT = been there; done that.....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2016): Thanks for the comments everyone. I know I have been an old fool.
Did not know what you meant sageoldguy.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 August 2016):
BT/DT..... it doesn't usually work..... I know....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 August 2016):
 There is nothing for you here.
The guy you fell in love with 30 years ago, is not the man you have met up with.
HE let you slip through his fingers 3 times, my guess is because he wasn't as attached. Someone who hasn't REALLY wanted to seriously commit to you in so long... is not going to suddenly change.
Why bother seeing a man who is seeing OTHER women? What good is that? To be one of many (or even one of a few).
I'd stick to being FB friends and no more.
If you are looking for a partner in life? He isn't it.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 August 2016):
 Sorry but you're chasing a rainbow. Its basically a useless quest that you're after. He's commitment phobic, he's not made anything happen in 30 years, you rekindled but then he lost you for 13 years and now that he's in touch again, he's made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship.
I know you probably think of him as some great love of your life who got away but the simple answer is, he's not.
Great loves don't behave in this way.
Great loves would at the very least want to see you over the weekend and not choose other women.
Great loves would never ever settle for FWBs.
Come on OP, dont be deluded. Its not going to work out the way you want and you know it. Why are you setting yourself up for hurt all over again? And frankly, he doesn't sound like a man your age and the people he mingles with don't sound too amazing either. Messing around on facebook about star-signs and their attributes...what are they...15?
Let him go to his Vamps or Lions or to whoever else he chooses to be with. Honestly, it wont be as great a loss as you're thinking. You've just romanticized the whole idea of him in your head and you see him as someone amazing that you want to be with but look at him the way that impartial people like us are seeing him. He's nothing, to be honest. He let you go THRICE. Not once, not twice, but three times. He's commitment phobic, doesn't act his age, is dating other woman while sleeping with you. And he's bald. Sorry that's mean of me I know, but his personal ad pretty much writes for itself. Is this the guy you're pining for so much? Really?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 August 2016):
 Probably he won't see you on weekends because he is spending them with Ms. Vamps. Or her equivalent.
Sorry but this is so dead in the water, and from what you wrote you realized too- it just has not quite registered yet ?
I mean, if you want a relationship or committment from him, it's already time for a 3 strikes you are out policy.
30 years ago he did not commit and let you go. 13 years ago he did not commit and let you go. Right now- you say that you do not want an FWB thing, but, well, more or less that's what it sounds, what with the weekends apart and the other girls and the infrequent meet ups. Yes, that's your idea because you want to play " hard to get ", you want him to chase you. But ... he is not getting anything that he has not got ( and let go ) before , or,apparently, nothing that he cannot do without and substitute rather easily, so he is not biting the bait , and not chasing you.
The elusivity method is not working. At most you could talk to him straight, and tell him it 's " S..t or get off the pot " time. But you have to be prepared to a probabale negative response, it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks, and if he is such a die - hard commitmentphobe, I guess it would take a great love, not just " something light " like what you have now, to make him change.
You say that you do not want to change him, but apparently you are not happy with the status quo. You feel jealous and confused, and you have started overanalyzing everything he said, you said, the other woman said...
I don't know, it's up to you, if you think a little attention he gives you and a little physical attraction he shows you are enough to compensate the unpleasant way you feel now, - keep seeing him. But do not give yourself , or him, any dateline. I am convinced that what you see is what you get. You kept it light to start, and light it will remain ( as he has told you too ).
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (20 August 2016):
 He hasn't committed in 30 years, in fact he's already let you go twice, he's seeing other women and won't see you on weekends. You've acknowledged you know what he is and that he won't change, so what exactly is your question?
What is it you want us to tell you that you don't already know?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2016): You feel highly connected to this guy because of the total time you can say you knew him, but at least half of that time you were both busy with someone else!Consequently you dont know him as much as you think you do,so laying claim to him via previous connection is not a good idea as he has been outside of your circle meeting many different people!The fact that you were together 15years without any children or other commitment to you, suggests to me that he is not the commitment type!You are seeing too much into your new found friendship with him and you stand to be hurt if you continue to invest in him as a future partner! As for the hair remark it is not something that would make or break a partnership!You are just looking for reasons but your back history should tell you that he is not a serious contender!You had all your children fir someone else so what could be clearer.Disinvest in this man and stop worrying about who said what on facebook.Hold your head up and be proud of your family and get on with the rest of your life with him out of the picture!You achiieved a lot in your life without him before,so remind yourself to value your children and keep moving forward looking for a true soul mate,maybe one you have yet to meet!By the way what happened to your hubby?It sounds as if he invested further in you than Mr weekdays only!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2016): Sometimes things fail for a reason. Think about what went wrong before - are you ignoring this? Ignoring your gut instinct? This guy is obviously a player and he loves the attention. Is this what you want? You are lonely and you are in danger of being used. Perhaps your focus should be on enriching your own life and then see if he really has a place in that. As it stands you are making him everything and your own self worth is taking second place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2016): He can't commitHe is never going to be what you needSounds like he is playing the field stillMove on
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (20 August 2016):
 Had to smile. You have just really reiterated everything you put in your post a couple of weeks ago, except that now you have suddenly become aware he is dating other women.Also had to smile that you say you don't want to be his FWB but that seems to be exactly what you are at the moment. Strange how it has taken something as insignificant as a Facebook post being removed for you to start questioning what you are doing again. If the other woman posted it, then SHE could have hidden it afterwards. On his timeline, HE can also hide/remove anything, so either of them could have removed it. It really isn't important either way. This man is being totally honest with you. He is NOT wanting commitment. He IS dating other women. He only fits you in when it is convenient for him. There is a reason he is single - because he has plenty of offers from women like you and doesn't have to commit to any of you. If you are happy to continue being one of his harem, carry on seeing him but don't expect anything to change. He likes you because you put out for him occasionally but I doubt he will bother putting in any effort if you suddenly stop. After all, he has others who are happy to fill in for you. Nice as he is, he's a player. Don't confuse "dating" with "sleeping around". You can go on loads of dates without it ending in sex. Get to know men as friends before deciding whether you want to sleep with them. It sounds from your post like you are sorely in need of some real friends. And next time he "comes to you in a dream", see it as a nightmare and leave him there!
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