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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: hi..i had a relationship with an boy i was loved him deeply... Nearly 14 months back only once i had sex with him.. he was not loving with me just wanted to enjoy sex with me we broke up...i was really hurt at that time..i met with a boy(i knew him from 2-3years)i told him about my ex-boyfrnd.. now he is my boyfrnd when he expressed love towards me i forgot about my past and started loving him now we are in relationship he want to marry me his family have no objection about it.. But the problem is that i have hidden the fact i m not virginI am really worried whether my past will affect my present and future... what shal i do now he loves me so much and if he come to know about it he wil be hurt and he wil never trust,respect,love me.. He will never accept because i have hidden about it.. plz suggest me what can i do now to save my love.. he is still virgin but have brief knowledge about sex.. my hymen is broken if he ask about it what can i say.. Being nonvirgin wil create a big issue in my family.. i want to marry him and want to love him throughout my life and i want him to be happy always plz anyone suggest mw what can i do.. We are not getting married soon still there is a more than a year but i am really tense about this,. can i consult a doctor about whether is it possible to restore the hymen back..plz answer me... waiting for the answers plz....
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broke up, hymen, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): "Everyone has skeletons in their cupboard"? That statement is plain old false. There are millions of virgins and people who don't lie about their sexual history.
A
male
reader, jazzone  +, writes (22 October 2012):
My ex was in the same situation like you. We're not together now but I don't regret it. I was a virgin and she was scared to tell me because she thought that I might run off which I didn't. I was ok with it because I never met anyone like her plus she lost her virginity two years earlier than me. And she was just with one guy so I didn't have a problem with it because I knew that I wanted to marry her one day.
So being the guy, you should tell your boyfriend and not lie about it because I would have probably been upset alittle but evently got over it if she waited to tell me until marriage. If this guy really loves you then it shouldn't bother him either way. What you did in the past is just that. So tell him and see what happens. Good luck and Godbless!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 I want to add in, just a little ting that might help you. You will probably bleed if you do not get aroused, but stay still as he enters you. The friction will cause you pain, which will also make it more "realistic" that you are a virgin, as you will actually be in pain. As long as you are not aroused, you will also be very tight. I've bled even though I wasn't a virgin, if the man has been too rough and I wasn't aroused enough.
If you queeze yuor muscles down there together as he enters you, you will also feel much much tighter. He might actually have difficulties entering you, which again will make you look more like a virgin.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 Normally I would tell you : a lie is not a good foundation for a marriage, tell him the truth, if he loves you he'll understand and get over it, if he does not , no big loss, he'd make a bad husband anyway, because he cares about marring a virginity and not about marrying YOU .
But, not knowing exactly to which culture you belong and exactly how big is the stigma on premarital sex, I am hesitant.
There are still nowadays cultures in which you could be in big trouble. Like, your husband would be entitled to disown you and send you home... keeping the substantial dowry your parents have paid for you. In some other cultures it's not just a matter of losing face or having the town gossips wag their tongues, but the woman risks serious bodily harm, and being thrown out her home with no financial means of survival.
So , it all depends from what realistically is the worst that can happen, and that's for you to evaluate.
In case you really can't afford to tell the truth, yes, surely a plastic surgeon can give you an hymenoplasty and make you a virgin again, it's fast and easy... but expensive ( like any plastic surgery ).
If money is a problem, just ... don't say anything. You won't bleed, but there are tons of virgins who won't bleed their first time, due to having beem born with a very elastic hymen, or with no hymen at all, or having broken it during sport activities as a child.
There are experienced men that can't say a virgin from a woman who is not, imagine if he is a virgin too. Just stick to your version; blood is absent anyway inabout 30% of deflorations.
This, only if there is no chance whatsoever that he may come to know the truth in future,- and if you risk BIG.
If you only risk losing him... I know that you don't want that, but , really, a man that is so slave of his prejudices and upbringing that does not understand we all make mistakes, and we all may make bad decisions... and that anyway he must love YOU, not your hymen... I doubt he'd make such a great husband.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2012): First of all we all make mistakes. We all have skeletons in our cupboards. So my advice is keep the matter out of your mind and go ahead with your marriage. The chances are that he will not notice anything is missing. Anyway probably you have noticed from your first experience that not much blood comes out anyway. Just traces and most probably if the incident happened long ago you will still bleed some the next time. try to get to know your fiance and have an engagement period so you get to know, love and trust each other before marriage. What happened to you happens also in the best families. Don't worry!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 You don't want him to think that the blood is from the period either. So, the best day to get married is day 4 or 5 in your cycle, not a lot of blood but just enough to make a difference. If I take the last pill on Sunday, my period comes on a Wednesday, so day 4 would be Saturday the next week. You have to take the control pills for few months in a roll to get a regular cycle. If family members ask why you are getting pills just tell them you have endometriosis. Actually you don't have to tell them anything at all.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (22 October 2012):
You don't need to buy sacks of blood. When you know the date of the marriage, time it so you know that your period is around that time too. If it's not, take birth control pills. When you finish the last pill, then's when you will bleed.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): I'm sorry you are in a tough spot but your actions have consequences. I don't think you have the right to hide the truth from your boyfriend just because there is a lot of cultural pressure over it.
Your boyfriend did not create the culture, he just lives in it. If your culture has prevented him from having a sex life before now then he has been the victim of it too.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (21 October 2012):
 We all have different shaped ears, different shaped noses, different coloured eyes. We all walk, talk, laugh and cry in different ways.
Whoever claims that every woman's hymen is identical is a fool and an ignoramus
Just as you could line up 5000 men and not find two men with an identical penis in the group. Gee men are happy to accept that a penis can be short, long, wide, not wide, medium, bend to the left, not bend, or bend to the right. Balls hang down lower, balls shorter, different bumps, veins, some hairy and some not.
So why do men persist with this MYTH than every single woman has an identical hymen that will react in exactly the same way for every woman?
One wonders why sex shops do not sell minute sacks of fake blood just to satisfy the perverted souls who think it OK to inspect the marital bed the night after the couple have joined. Most women do not bleed on the first time. That's the truth
Some girls are definitely virgins when they marry but have already definitely broken their hymen through all manner of things (other than sex) from using tampons through to energetic sports.
And many many girls who are definitely virgins never never bled on the first time either, even though they know they have never never ever had sex in the past.
Hymens are different for every women. Some are so flimsy that there is little or nothing to penetrate in the first place.
Some have minimal skin. Some are a little more resistant. And on rare occasions they are so inpenetrable that a Doctor has to be consulted.
I think fishdish offered a great suggestion of practise every day, whenever you are sitting, the exercises to increase the tightness of your pelvic floor muscles and vagina by tighening and holding then relaxing those muscles down there.
Never miss a day.
And ask him on the first day, every day in the first week, the first month, to show you what to do. Let him take the lead. Be in awe of what he is able to achieve. And ask him very sweetly for validation, ask if you are ok and if you are doing it right. Be thrilled and smiling at what he shows you and show your delight and tell him how delighted you are with him and what he knows.
Just do not let the guilt eat you either. You love him, he loves you. get on with your life and learn to love each other completely.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 October 2012):
Great "religion" you've got, there.... What happens... do you have to have a medical exam to confirm your virginity prior to the nuptials????
Cripes.... give this a rest.... and enjoy your time with this new guy....
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (21 October 2012):
 Do you think a guy who's never seen a vagina in 'real life' will know what an intact hymen looks like, let alone what a hymen is? if you stay celibate until marriage you will likely be as tight as though you were a virgin. you can even tense your muscles down there (kind of like as though you were urinating) so that it feels like there is resistance.
Yes, i think there are surgical options...but shouldn't you go into a marriage with no secrets, and with your confidence that he will love you for you and not your virginity? If he loves you shouldn't this be something he can 'overcome?'
These are all hypotheticals to get you to think, I have no personal judgments one way or another.
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