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age
41-50,
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writes: I'm really lost here people and I don't know what else to do?I've had a few difficult years of late. My Dad was diagnosed terminally ill and as a result past away a few months ago. I was with a girl who literally changed over night. When my family and I were first told by the doctors there was nothing more they could do for my Dad I became depressed. As a result my ex partner who was my partner at the time decided to have an affair because as she put it. "I was no fun anymore"! I moved out for awhile but I thought I still loved her and stupidly moved back in after she had told me she had stopped seeing him. Even though she hadn't. Things were never the same and it came to us sleeping in seperate rooms. I then moved out again because it was done. We still kept in contact because we have a flat together. When my Dad passed away I was vulnerable and I stupidly slept with her. But when the day of the funeral arrived something just clicked. I started seeing more clearly than I had ever seen for years. The passing of my Dad was a relief. He was in no more pain anymore. I was in a good place. Anyway, an old friend (girl) and I got together for a meal/drink. She's now a model. She is absolutely STUNNING! We really hit it off. I didn't think anything would happen because I thought she was way out of my league. But it turns out she felt the same way and one thing lead to another. We had a great time before Christmas, then Christmas and New Year was amazing. My ex then got in touch saying people had seen me out and about with this girl. My new girlfriend. She kept harrassing me and I thought you know what I've nothing to hide and I told her I was with someone else. (wrong move.) That same day, later that day she told me she was pregnant and that the kid was mine. I told her she was lying. I knew she was lying. But she started to tell my friends and family. I tried to keep things quiet from my girlfriend as I didn't want her to her to get hurt or involved. Anyway because she didn't get a reaction she said she was going to have a termination. Convenient. So there was never any evidence of her being pregnant or having a termination. I told her if she was pregnant and she did this she was dead to me too! But again she did not get a reaction. Again I tried to hide this from my girlfriend and by this time my girlfriend was telling me she was in love with me and I know I am in love with her.Then just last weekend my girlfriend phoned me breaking her heart asking who my ex was and that she had phoned her. (She had gotten details from a social networking site) My ex told her this pack of lies! My girlfriend is in pieces. She's told me she loves me but doens't know what to believe anymore. I had enough and I finally called the police. The police went to speak to her and she went crazy again. Phoning. Abusive text messages. I went crazy and told her to leave us alone. I then got a visit from the police saying I was harrassing her but the minute the came into my house they realised who was lying. What the hell do I do? All I want is my girlfriend back. Or do I just cut all ties off with everybody. She even has some of my family members convinced. She's the most calculated manipulitive person I have ever known. I've had my number changed but she puts on the water works and gets my new number out of a friend or someone.Does anybody know what to do? All I want at the moment is to get my current girlfriend on side. The thing is I know she can have anyone, and she knows that too! Her Mum has told her to stay away from me and I've even tried speaking to her Mum to get my side of the story but she won't listen. All I want is my girlfriend by my side.Thanks in advance to all!
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affair, christmas, depressed, moved out, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everybody for their support and advice at this difficult time. I have changed my number....again and only given my number to a handful of people. It's so bad she appears to have even sucked my own brother into her lies. I have started legal action and I have spoken with my current girlfriend and things seem to be on the up there. So for once it feels like things are going my way. Again thanks to everybody. You've been a great help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): I've been through a rather similar thing....Get a lawyer to write to your ex using the Protection From Harassment Act. That'll make it an offence for her to:- Go within a certain distance of your home or work- Contact you- Contact others about you- Cause or request others to do the aboveHave them copy the police that visited you and make the letter further insist that she desists from making any further untrue allegations about you.You can back this up with a court order and claim the costs against her (about £2k) but then you have to face her in court etc so just the letter is a good starting point.Personally If they wont listen to you, I'd write to your new girlfriend and mother explaining whats gone on, AND whet you're doing about it (go to them with more of a solution than a problem)
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 What a heartless maqnipulative woman your ex is. Change phone numbers, email address, everything. Ask your family not to provide her with your contact details.
Anyone who provides your contact details to her (even family) are NOT your friends. Friends protect their friends.
Get an answering machine so all your incoming calls are recorded.
Document all that she has done and claimed to have done and the consequences to you. No drama just factual wording for everything. Then Go to court to ensure that legally she cannot contact you nor come near you without incurring a penalty.
No more forgiving this woman.
You may or may not have lost your new girl.
But the battle you have first is to get this ex away from you.
When you have legally barred your ex from your life (with legal penalties for you if she breaks it) then you could make a copy of the Court Order, document the pain. And write a letter to your girl. But she still may want to stay out of your life. Some people are more cautious than others and do not like even the taint of nastiness.
If your new girl is the one for you then she will stand beside you once she knows the facts. If she can't do that then she was a fleeting friend. A bit like an especially nice tasting icecream.
Though I hope she can see through the lies and the manipulation of your ex, that cannot be guaranteed.
Even if you had told your girl the facts from the start even that may have spooked her enough for you to lose her, even before your ex contacted her.
This is because you only knew her for a short time, so the bonds had not yet gone deep in the relationship.
Some life lessons are very hard. Though you will rise above this wiser and a little more wary. Do not allow it to stop going forward confidently with your life. You need really genuine good people who will support you and your goals and aims.
Your ex will go on to mess up her life in so many ways. Be thankful that you and your ex are not together any more.
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A
male
reader, faenon  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 I'm hoping you still don't have the flat with the nutjob anyway cut contact with the ex block her on networking sites get the new gf do the same and since she's already gone over the line by calling your new gf.
I'd strongly suggest seeing the local bobby station and have a restraining order put on her that stops her from calling you or the new gf sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind specially with those who are mentally challenged.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 January 2011):
 1. Be honest with your GF. I wouldn't try and keep anything from her, I understand you wanting to protect her from that crazy ex, but really, you are doing yourself a "disservice" when you keep her out of the loop.
2. Cut all contact with the ex. Block her number, e-mail and FB page. If she calls from an unlisted number just hang up on her. Do not get into any more fights with the ex. Keep a journal of all her harassments and if need be, file a restraining order against her if she keep escalating.
3. There is much you can do as far as your current GF, either she realizes that the ex is crazy or she will move on. Sorry.
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A
male
reader, zedd +, writes (12 January 2011):
Tell your new girlfriend that you love her and want her by your side. You can do nothing else, I suppose, apart from telling everyone how crazy your ex is (people believe everything if they hear it a lot, even if it is not true). If she wants to be with you, she should believe you and not other people and if your ex sees this and that you're happy together, maybe she will realize that there's no use of doing this anymore.
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female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (12 January 2011):
What a horrible nasty evil ex girlfriend she is! She doesnt want you but she doesnt want anyone else to have you either.
In hindsight, you should have been up front with your new girlfriend and warned her. I know it is an inconvenience, but I would change your number again and only give it out to people who you can truly trust and know that they won't give it out to your ex.
Try and sit down with your new girlfriend and talk about the situation, tell her how you feel, that you really want to be with her. Don't let that nasty evil thing win!
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