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My boyfriend's wife says he is lying about getting a divorce

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family, Marriage problems, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 October 2016) 2 Answers - (Newest, 3 November 2016)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi, I am with a guy who is separated from his wife 5 years ago. He came to America as a refugee 3 years ago and she is overseas with their son. All his family and relatives knows about me and the fact that they are separated and he is waiting for his resident card to go back and make the separation official (divorce).

They do not have any contact besides child matters but since the wife knew about me she is pushing him to get divorce quick so she can have the full custody of the kid and re marry.She contacted me last night by phone, she called me from overseas and told me that she is sad because he does not divorce her that he claims when he get his green card will go there and do it, but she thinks he is lying and he is living his life in America as a single man and that she thinks he has relationship with woman and so on..I dont know why in that moment I felt something is wrong, and I asked her, do you know who I am? She said my name, and I said yes but do you know S and I are together, right? She didnt answer. I asked again, what did he tell you about me? She says I am a woman who he met and I am older than him...So she kept asking me about him and other woman, about him having sex with other woman, I told her he doesnt see any woman because he is with me and I am the only one who come to his place and also he comes to my place..then she asked me for pictures of him and other woman, I said I do not have any pics except the ones I have when we are together, she said please send it to me I need it as a proof. I did not send any and I wont, those are mine. I said to her I hope you can find solution to your problems and I dont want to talk more. Today he called me and was mad at me telling me how i talk to her and why I mentioned about the pictures, he told me she needs pictures or some how proof of his relationship here because with that she can have the divorce granted and full custody of the kid and that is what he is preventing. then he told me "I could lose any woman but I wont lose my son thank you so much, you can go ahead and send pictures or whatever" .I was furious and I said, you will lose your son for me??? and I hung up the phone. I am feeling I am missing something in this story.. I know he is planning to go there and get divorce as soon he receives his resident card (not trough me, he will receive it as a refugee program participant). I just feeling like something is not wright..what can I do now?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2016):

When I was a kid one of my friends mothers married a guy from Mexico.They were married until he got legal.Then he bought a wife and five kids back from Mexico after he said he was just visiting his parents.He really expected her to support them all and she had to legally evict them.Did you ever think you just might be being used by this guy?It happens all the time.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 October 2016):

Honeypie agony auntYou are with a married man. He isn't your BF. He isn't yours.

UNTIL the divorce is final HE IS MARRIED. THAT is the reality, the truth and the legal aspect of it.

It makes NO sense that SHE got your number un;ess HE gave it to her? Unless other family members have it? Why would you even TALK to her? That is like shooting yourself in the foot to stop a nosebleed.

YOU, dear naive OP are in the middle of a drama that isn't about you. It's about a husband and a wife fighting dirty to get custody and you are giving the wife great ammo. Bet you she recorded the conversation too.

If he is a REFUGEE how can he go back? Even with a residential card - he is either a refugee or... an immigrant. Legally there IS a huge difference. http://www.asylumist.com/2016/01/06/you-can-go-home-again-sort-of-visiting-your-home-country-after-a-grant-of-asylum/

And yes the MAN you are having an affair with is not telling YOU the whole story. Why would he? My guess is he will move on to another woman if it gets too complicated with you.

I am not sure why you are wasting you time on a married guy with this much drama and baggage. And especially a guy you can't trust.

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