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My boyfriend says he's tired of me

Tagged as: Dating, Faded love, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 December 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 13 December 2009)
A female age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I don't know what to do. My boyfriend says he's tired of me. He says he doesn't know if he wants to break up or not. Our latest fight was about my insecurity... I have terrible insecurities about my body, and he knows, and he added some "hot" girls on facebook and he completely flipped when I mentioned how it upset me.

What hurts is that he kind of blames me for everything. It's like everything is my fault, and excuse me, but it's not. He has major issues with my past (despite the fact that it was really, really tame... he gets insecure about it but won't admit it). He always asks for details and we end up arguing a lot because he doesn't trust me, based on things I did before I met him. He reacts so badly to every new piece of information, as insignificant as it is (like, for instance, if he finds out that I liked a certain song that a former crush also liked). He gets really angry, says he never thought I was like that, that I've disapointed him, etc., and then I try to defend myself but it only leads to more drama. The best way to deal with it is to just give him space, but I can't keep my mouth shut when I'm hurt. Because being judged over the past HURTS.

He says he's tired of my drama, that he's tired of arguing, that if had never done anything in the past then we would be fine, that he's tired of dealing with my insecurity, that he's tired of my clinginess, etc. That he doesn't know if he still loves me, that he doesn't miss me when we don't see each other, right now, he says he just wants me to leave him alone and not bother him, that he doesn't want to talk.

I don't know what to do. I love him to pieces! I just wish he wouldn't have issues with my past, he blames me for that, but why? So, say, when I was an immature 15 year old, I was supposed to know that 4 years later I'd be with a man who would be seriously pissed off because I kissed a guy casually, who wasn't a boyfriend and was nothing serious. I'm not to blame for that! I just love him, I can never let him go and that's why I'm clingy and nagging, because I can't just ignore him. And I wouldn't be so damn insecure if he hadn't told me he prefers a physical type completely different to mine.

What can I do? I don't want this to end. I love him so much. I'm scared to lose him, I'm completely desperate and all I want to do now is see him, hug him, all I want now is to call him, but he doesn't want to even hear my name. He says he's fed up with me. But I don't think it's all my fault. It takes two to tango, right?

View related questions: crush, facebook, immature, insecure, says he's tired

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009):

I think that if he says he prefers women that look the opposite of how you do and he has so many problems with who YOU are then he doesn't diserve you. you dont need a guy who is going to cause problems as much as he does, cause honestly it seems like hes using your insecurity against you. you dont need or diserve that. everyone if beautiful the way they are and if he can't see that then its time to get over him and move on.

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A female reader, soloved89 United States +, writes (12 December 2009):

Hunny, my fiance does the same thing. The other night we started fussing, as usual, and he came out and said... sometimes, I wish I hadn't met you and it hurt like a cut on the chest. He wants to know every little detail about my past too. He told me afterwards that he acts angry when I cant remember every little detail because it makes him feel left out. Left out of what? I mean come on, the past is the past!!!

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A female reader, Jendorset United Kingdom +, writes (12 December 2009):

He is being completely unreasonable. Your past cannot be changed and its your past that makes you the person you are. It doesnt even sound like you did anything bad. He is fed up with arguements but it seems like he causes alot of them.I know it may be hard for you, but dont bother calling him and dont bother making any effort with him at all. If he does call you make sure you dont whine down the phone at him and dont go telling him how much you missed him.

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A male reader, Griffo Australia +, writes (12 December 2009):

Griffo agony auntLOL he's so weird girl. He needs to wake up and stop living in the past himself. now you've obviously moved on from YOUR past but he has not from YOUR past.

To tell you here, he's creating the drama by continually regurgitating up YOUR past. its not drama anymore to you hes just wanting ways to creat drama ... and know ill tell you why, ready? This is a cracker!

This bloke has personal issues with himself not you by your message and what he says to you simply confirms hes very insecure because hes making you feel bad. often people with insecurities will crush others to make themselves fell better.

Now you are arguing because your protecting yourself and your morel rights and you dont want to be put down by a humaness self pittied little boy who is insecure himself.

Move on babe you can do better than that!

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