A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:question to the guys. my boyfriend of four years has caught me flirting online. its not the first time and we always broke up because of it. i never cheated i did it for a laugh when he was at work,i did text them but never met any. i denied it and used to convince him. this time he was snowed off and came home while i was upstairs and it was on the computer. he is being stubborn as its been over a month and hasnt spoke to me. what do i do to get round him?
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at work, broke up, flirt, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Honey, wake up...
It's been a MONTH... he's now you EX-Boyfriend... Hello!
He's not going to talk to you, or if he is, you might not like what you hear....
A
male
reader, Luckshot  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 You say that you didnt do anything wrong, in his mind you sure did. Have you ever thought that maybe your not the first women to do this to him? And that in his experence the flirting has gone to meetings and more?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Well if he is so petty then surely you wouldn't want him back then.
Incidentally, if you had a boyfriend who flirted with women online and sent them photos, even if they were not identifiable, wouldn't you be a bit upset?
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 So you think we're all petty and as bad as your ex, do you?
The fact is, your boyfriend caught you flirting online, and even though you don't think you were cheating, his feelings were hurt. Even so, you continued - never mind that you didn't meet them and didn't send them pictures of your face(???) you knew he didn't like it.
You showed no consideration for him - and if you're in a relationship there's supposed to be give-and-take, honesty, trust and caring between the two of you. But to add insult to injury, when he caught you again, you lied about what you were doing and attempted to convince him that you were not even contacting these men. If you think we're being judgmental on you for being deceitful, so be it.
p.s. why didn't you just end the relationship and then you could have flirted online honestly?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Funny dear OP how everyone else in the world is in the wrong and you are the only one in the right. If I was you I'd reconsider if my views might not be worth a change, unless you want to keep meeting us "bad and stubborn" people who don't like infidelity. You are cheating on him, and it doesnt really matter if YOU dont think you are cheating. What matters is that HE is comfortable with it, which he is not. Go find a man who doesn't mind his girlfriend giving away free porn online.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Okay,first thing is even if he's not there now,do not do it,prove you mean it. If you feel the need to be fed false compliments at the expense of your relationship then wouldnt you be better off single anyway?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): There is an old saying....
Once, shame on you
Twice, shame on me
He is not going to give you three chances to make a fool of him.
Flirting is not harmless, it hurts your boyfriend's feelings. You need to find another way to feel good about yourself. Flirting is just a way of stroking one's own ego and your need for this approval from others is going to be an issue with other men as well, so you would be doing yourself a favor by finding other ways to make yourself feel good.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): I think you'v little chance of worming your way out of it. Some people learn the hard way. If he goes back to you,he needs his head feeling. If you thought enough about him you wouldnt have done it once, let alone again and again. You messed up. Accept it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): i am the one who put the question. i wanted advise and got hung. you are all as bad as each other. i never met them so i did nothing wrong. yes i sent pics that didnt show my face,but big deal,they could be anyone. all of you as petty as him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 February 2010):
 I think he is done with you and the relationship.
YOU might not see any harm in the flirting, obviously he did, and you didn't care as long as you got your thrills.
Maybe what you need is another flirty person.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): I am a 32 yo Egyptian man. If you were my woman may you wouldn't have gotten the second chance. Second chance implies that you meant a lot for him despite the obvious hurt. Now that you have done it again, life about never doing it again, hid it, and cannot be trusted for the future, I cannot actually blame him. You have ran out of your chances.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (17 February 2010):
What do you do to get around him?
You don't. I think you had best consider him to be your ex-boyfriend at this point.......
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A
male
reader, Burns231 +, writes (17 February 2010):
Yea I agree with everyone else on here and that he is not being stubborn. How can you expect him to trust you if you are flirting/texting people online when he is not home? Even though you may deny it how does he know that you aren't exchanging pictures or anything like that? I do not blame him for being upset about this and not wanting to talk to you. How would you feel if he was flirting with other girls and texting them when you are not home? He may be looking at it like "today it is flirting, what happens tomorrow?"
I know thats how I would feel.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 Sorry hun, he forgave you once and you have gone and done it again - he is not being stubborn he has just realised that he cannot trust you... and where is a relationship if there is no trust?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 February 2010):
But you've done it before and broken up because of it. He's given you another chance and you've still done it. You lied to him as well. Stubborn isn't the word. Hurt is. You flirted with guys online and you texted them and broke up. You've continued to do it. And then you say he's stubborn for not speaking to you. No wonder. I would do the same thing if my girlfriend was there online flirting with other guys and texting them and lying to me about it all. You've made him feel like a fool who you don't love because all you do is flirt online and lie to him about it. He's not the guy for you because if he was you wouldn't have done this. Let him go. If come comes back, then maybe it can be fixed. But don't expect him to. You've lied to him and hurt him more than once.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (17 February 2010):
HE is being stubborn? You did it once, he broke up with you. Then you went back and did it again? Good lord woman why one earth would you do that? I would walk away from you too if I was him. You say you didn't cheat, but clearly complusively flirting with other men is not making your man feel secure. I suspect if you did it once and got caught, then he left and came back, somewhere along the way you promised not to do it again and you broke that promise. Not to mention you say "you denied it and used to convince him". If he can't trust you and you don't care about making him feel secure at the expense of your own "entertainment" -- why would he come back?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): You know he gets upset when you flirt with men online, and although you dont think of it as cheating it doesnt mean he has to be okay with it. Which he clearly isnt! So why do you insist on hurting his feelings? I don't think he's the stubborn one, I think you are. Why can't you find something else to humor you that will NOT hurt the feelings of others? Show him and the relationship some respect and stop this flirting immediately, then perhaps he will forgive you. It is quite selfish actually what you are doing when you could have your fun doing innocent things but you keep doing the thing that you KNOW hurts him and that you KNOW have caused fights and breakups. It's like part of your fun comes from tormenting your boyfriend, which is just cruel.
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