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*igerlily

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Were we never really anything? Was I a fool to believe this was something special? I don't know how he could have done this....

Q.   knowing someone online for over a year now. thought we were in a real relationship and now its all over as if it never existed. I deleted all my accounts I could not bare the pain. all I kept seeing was him posting away about a life he didnt have. ...

A.   31 October 2011: Oh sweetheart I am so sad and sorry to hear you are hurting so much. You are not alone. We have all been there. You just need to give yourself some time. Your heart will heal. My advice is to stop asking all these questions and telling stories in ... (read in full...)

After 2 bad break-ups I don't want to get serious with anyone because I don't want to be in love again, is there something wrong with me?

Q.   This post won't be very long, I just need a little input and help. I've had two VERY bad break ups within the last 4 years (I'm over them, by the way) and I've been sitting here thinking about why I'm not in a new relationship. I've been on man...

A.   31 October 2011: Hi sweetheart. I can relate. It sounds like you are scared of being hurt again. If you don't get involved, then you don't risk getting your heart broken again. Even though you say you are over your past relationships, you are still healing, and you ... (read in full...)

My bf is convinced I'm in love with my friend (which I'm not!) and now he wants to speak to my friend's pregnant and emotional wife to see how she feels about our friendship!!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend (I will name "Ned") for about 17 years. "Ned" broke up with me about two and a half years ago saying I wasn't "the one" and he wanted to find her and didn't want to waste more time with me. I had wanted to get ...

A.   31 October 2011: ps. The more you stand your ground the more you will respect yourself. On another note, if you really do want to get married, I think you might want to consider that Ned does not have good boundaries either and he is not "mature". He may be walki... (read in full...)

My bf is convinced I'm in love with my friend (which I'm not!) and now he wants to speak to my friend's pregnant and emotional wife to see how she feels about our friendship!!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend (I will name "Ned") for about 17 years. "Ned" broke up with me about two and a half years ago saying I wasn't "the one" and he wanted to find her and didn't want to waste more time with me. I had wanted to get ...

A.   31 October 2011: I'm not going to judge your relationship with Ned. 17 years is a long time and quite complex to be sure. Although i have to say that Ned does come across in your letter as quite immature for a man in his late 30's. You sound so lovely and kind... (read in full...)

Is there any way that I can save this relationship? I've really messed up...

Q.   I really messed up and I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend a little over a year. We have a 2 month old son and are very much in love. I have never cheated on him or even thought about cheating on him since the day I met him. We had ...

A.   18 February 2011: You've been together a little over a year and have a 2 month old son? okay so that means you only knew each other a few months when you got pregnant. That can be a lot of stress on a relationship. Clearly he's not dealing with it well if he's ... (read in full...)

Is there any way that I can save this relationship? I've really messed up...

Q.   I really messed up and I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend a little over a year. We have a 2 month old son and are very much in love. I have never cheated on him or even thought about cheating on him since the day I met him. We had ...

A.   18 February 2011: You've been together a little over a year and have a 2 month old son? okay so that means you only knew each other a few months when you got pregnant. That can be a lot of stress on a relationship. Clearly he's not dealing with it well if he's ... (read in full...)

I have a crush on my bestfriends worst enemy.... What should I do?

Q.   I happen to have a crush on my best girl friends worst enemy I dont know if I should tell her that I like this girl. Will this ruin our friendship or should I just not tell her?...

A.   18 February 2011: You are young. When I was your age, I had a different crush every month. Crushes come and go. Best friends, however, do not. Most crushes do not really ever come to anything. Is there some reason these two are enemies? Chances are if there is a ... (read in full...)

He asked for photos, I sent them and now he doesn't talk to me

Q.   Okay, so there is the guy i've liked for over two years. We went out for a little bit last year, but we broke up for multiple reasons. We still had feelings for each other, but he moved an hour away. We still keep in contact, but i haven't seen him ...

A.   17 February 2011: You are young so I will explain something about men that you need to understand. Men like to "chase". By this, I mean they like to try to get a girl to like them, to go out with them, to go to bed with them, etc. They like to try to win a girl over. ... (read in full...)

How can I find out if boyfriend is watching porn?

Q.   Other than the history, how can you find out if porn is being viewed on the internet? or webcams being viewed? boyfriend vows that he hasn't been watching it anymore, but how can I be sure? He lives with me and uses my computers, I have thought ...

A.   17 February 2011: Have you never watched a movie and had a romantic fantasy about Brad Pitt? (or whoever)? well it's the same as men watching porn. Its just fantasy, we all fantasize. There is nothing to feel insecure about. He's not cheating. But if you spy on him ... (read in full...)

What is his problem.... He is acting extremely odd with me?

Q.   i am a 28 year old lady. I am having an ongoing situation. One of my friend, a married guy (about 42 years of age), and his wife who was good friends with me for few years. Thought of them as parents. They use to talk to me, laugh, and ask me a fav...

A.   17 February 2011: Hmmm. what I notice is that you have written quite a lot about a guy who is just a friend acting a bit odd. and you keep coming back with updates. You are analysing every move that this guy makes... and seem sensitive to everything he says -- ... (read in full...)

While separated, my wife got more action than me and it makes me mad!

Q.   my wife and i got back togather after a year i had sex only once. she had sex with two guys the first one she says she kick off the other guy she was in a relationship with and had sex many times but says she was not in to it or didn't like it. she ...

A.   17 February 2011: Your mad because your wife got more action than you? Was it a competition? If you got the same action would you feel even and not be mad? Or do you need to "win" and be the one who got more action? I think you need to step back and figure o... (read in full...)

I know he's busy but doesn't he even have time for a brief message?

Q.   Hello, Let me try to summarize the whole story really quickly. (for more detail on how things started, read "I want to show him I care without scaring him off". This is a followup.) I met a wonderful man who lives in another country not far...

A.   12 February 2011: DO NOT contact him again. If a man wants you, he will make sure he gets a hold of you. If a man is thinking of you, he will be in touch. In the meantime you need to get a hold of yourself and your emotions. You have let yourself be swept away by ... (read in full...)

I'm tired of people telling me to move on! I don't want to!

Q.   My partner and i broke up around two weeks ago now we caught up last night, so i could grab a few things i left when i moved out as we lived together for 8months. We discussed getting back together he said his heart says yes but his head says no he ...

A.   10 February 2011: Are there any other problems here between you besides his parents won't approve? Why did you break up? I think you two need to do the opposite of what you suggested. Get together, skip the sex, and talk through your issues. ... (read in full...)

I want my family's blessing for my wedding

Q.   I'm 17 and getting married to my older brothers friend who is 31 and also were trying to have a baby. he has two kids from a former marriage. we love each other so much more than anything in the world. but im afraid that my family or his wont ...

A.   10 February 2011: Hang on. Hold up. You are dating a man who is 14 years older than you and your family doesn't know about it? And you want to get married and have a baby at 17? Are you even finished with high school? Sweetheart. Please. I know when you are 17 y... (read in full...)

Do I deserve a portion of her return for all I've done?

Q.   I have been dating my girlfriend now for almost two years. We have lived together now for exactly one year. She has a five-year-old son who I love very much that also lives with us. When she moved here we discussed the roles I would play with her ...

A.   10 February 2011: Well, I think perhaps you do need to sit down with calculator and tally up who's paying for what, and what the going rate for childcare is, and how you cover that "expense" with your time. You don't need to account for every penny, you should be ... (read in full...)

I'm obsessed with him. How do I get over the emotional hold he has on me?

Q.   I don't even know where to start...it all sounds so pathetic but unfortunately it is real to me...I have had a man in my life since I was 14. We are now 45. Over the years, we kept in touch, we both married other people, it was always more of a ...

A.   10 February 2011: This is really hard, I know. There is no easy answer. But there is an answer, and that answer is for your to love yourself. Clearly this man has a supersize Kleenex box of issues... and they are making your miserable. The point of love is to make us ... (read in full...)

My past love who I'm obsessed with? Or my caring husband? Can you help me sort this out?

Q.   I have been married for almost 6 years to a wonderful, caring man who loves me very much. We have 5 kids (2 are from my previous marriage, 3 are ours). My husband and I got married after only 7 weeks and yes I know that is very soon but things have...

A.   10 February 2011: Wow. This is a tough situation. I can relate to your feelings. But I think you are looking for some perspective here so I will tell you what I see. First of all, you talk about being "obsessed" with this ex, but you don't really shed any light on ... (read in full...)

He gets SOOO angry! Is this normal?

Q.   My boyfriend grabbed my head and slammed it against the door. He said that I wouldn't shut up (we were having an argument) and that because I followed him through the house (I was trying to get him to talk / listen) then I tip him over the edge and ...

A.   10 February 2011: So... he says that he gets angry because you won't shut up? really? So he doesn't want to listen to you or hear what you have to say. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to listen to you? What's the old saying? Love is patient. Love ... (read in full...)

He gets SOOO angry! Is this normal?

Q.   My boyfriend grabbed my head and slammed it against the door. He said that I wouldn't shut up (we were having an argument) and that because I followed him through the house (I was trying to get him to talk / listen) then I tip him over the edge and ...

A.   10 February 2011: So... he says that he gets angry because you won't shut up? really? So he doesn't want to listen to you or hear what you have to say. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to listen to you? What's the old saying? Love is patient. Love ... (read in full...)

How do I tell his mum I would prefer my OWN engagement ring and not this family heirloom?

Q.   Hi, I have a bit of a dilemma and i could do with some input. My boyfriend's mum phoned me today and we had a lovely chat for over an hour, in which she asked me whether myself and my boyfriend were planning on getting married. I told her that it ...

A.   24 April 2010: I think you could be honest with the mom about your conflicted feelings. She seems very cool. ... (read in full...)

How can get my family to see they're being taken advantage of here???

Q.   Hi all! I'm really annoyed about what's happened lately with my aunt. About 8 years ago she left the UK and married an American guy and now lives in the USA. Since she has been there she has never worked because she wanted to stay at ho...

A.   24 April 2010: Yeah I agree with anon, a lot of us have "one of those" family members, always mooching. Who's sister is she? your mom or dads? Have you talked to them about it and how you feel? What do they have to say about how their sibling behaves? I'm not sure ... (read in full...)

What if he's perfect, but the sex is horrible?

Q.   Quick question: What if the guy you dated was the nicest fellow in the world, educated, intelligent, good looking, treating you amazingly etc but the sex was absolutely HORRIBLE? (some of the difficulties I am talking about can not be fixed, like ...

A.   24 April 2010: Hmmmm. okay well if you feel attracted and smitten... then could it be you are taking his lack of ability to perform personally? You mention an age difference... if he's older he could be having physical problems that might require medication and is ... (read in full...)

Army boyfriend and engagement !!!

Q.   Hey my boyfriend is in the army and is away alot. We have been together a yr and a half now and its been hard him nt bein around, but since he went away before for 3months and came bac and is away alot and i only see him every other weekend we ...

A.   21 April 2010: He knows what you want. Let him sort it out. Anything you say now will just feel like pressure to him. Now is when you just want to make him remember why he wants to spend the rest of his life with you and why he doesn't want to risk losing you. ... (read in full...)

Afraid to be pregnant

Q.   Hello to everyone! I am writing here because I wanted to hear your thoughts on this personal issue. I am a person who loves and adores kids. I always wanted to have children - to be a mom. I couldn't wait till I would be a mother to my children a...

A.   18 April 2010: Well honey, any time you love something you become vulnerable. If you love a dog, you grieve when it does. If you love a car, you cringe when it's scratched. If you love a man, you will be heartbroken if he leaves. And when you love a child, you ... (read in full...)

Setting limits on behaviour in a committed relationship

Q.   I've been discussing an issue with my mate about setting boundaries to behaviour when out clubbing. He believes it's perfectly fine to let your girlfriend dance with other guys. I'm a bit more traditional in my thinking and worry about it sending...

A.   18 April 2010: Hmmmm. So your girlfriend wants to go out and dance with strangers right in front of you? And she wants you do to the same? That's kinda weird. If my boyfriend and I are at club the only one I want to dance with is him. Perhaps what you need is ... (read in full...)

Why was making love this time so intense?

Q.   I need a woman's advice here! I was making love with my girlfriend last night and as usual the sex is great, we have been together for 3 years now and we have had lots of fun in and out the bedroom!! but as we were making love we both came together ...

A.   17 April 2010: Men always think a woman's tears are bad. They're not. Tears are a sign of and a way of releasing emotion. That's why we cry at the weddings AND funerals. That's why we tear up at the triumphant scene at the end of the movie. In this case i think ... (read in full...)

Please help, I'm dreaming about my teacher

Q.   Im a junior at highschool yes im young but i have had a crush on my anatomy teacher, i used to just think he was an interisting humerous man untill my best friend(who had him for biology her sophmore year) confided in me and told me she thought he ...

A.   17 April 2010: Oh honey. This is just a rite of passage... I think if you ask pretty much ANY adult they will all tell you they had a crush on a teacher at some point in high school. Try to realize nothing will happen and then just enjoy your crush the way you ... (read in full...)

In My New School Should I Tell People I'm Gay or Not? and Advice

Q.   Hi I am 13 and Im gay. Recently I've been getting more and more attracted to men and not at all women and I have been looking at gay sex and straight sex and I've always been atrackted to the penis never the woman and although many people say that ...

A.   17 April 2010: I think you are bit young to be needing to socially establish your sexual orientation. I think a don't ask don't tell policy would probably be the best bet at this point in your life. I agree with MarieClaire, find out the lay of the land at your ... (read in full...)

He accused me of cheating when I wasn't and then broke up with me!

Q.   How can he do that?? thats soo cruel:(? my ex boyfriend and I were together for 2years..he started accusing me of cheating when i wasn't and then the other he told me hes got a girl/wifey and he has given her a ring, he loves her soo much. ...

A.   17 April 2010: He sounds evil. Truly evil. Be grateful you are well clear of him. I'm so sorry for your pain. Someone really needs to give a mandatory class to men about how to break things off with a woman without traumatizing them, the way this man has done to ... (read in full...)

I feel like I have to be with him all the time so he won't cheat!

Q.   ive been seeing a guy for nearly a year now and since the beginning of the year we've started having sex. and ever since then ive become incredibly attatched. before we started having sex we'd only see each other once or twice a week.and it never ...

A.   17 April 2010: Well if he is asking for space you aren't going to keep the fire burning by being insecure and clingy. Let him go out with his friends... in fact go a step further, and reconnect with your own friends. If he's going to cheat, then he's going to ... (read in full...)

Friend suddenly stopped talking to me!

Q.   Iv'e been really good friends with someone for about three years, theres quite a big age gap in our friendship but thats never been a problem. I was really close to her and we shared alot of things. She has helped me through some really bad times ...

A.   17 April 2010: Well I have two thoughts here. You said you have been trying to contact her through email and have had no response. Is this the ONLY way you have tried, or have you tried calling or seeing her? Because if there is something wrong with her email ... (read in full...)

What if he's perfect, but the sex is horrible?

Q.   Quick question: What if the guy you dated was the nicest fellow in the world, educated, intelligent, good looking, treating you amazingly etc but the sex was absolutely HORRIBLE? (some of the difficulties I am talking about can not be fixed, like ...

A.   17 April 2010: " I felt suffocated and wanted to cry. It is puzzling me". Hmmm. THIS is not a good sign. Is it possible your HEAD is telling you that he's such great guy you should want him... but in your HEART you don't want him... and not honoring your own ... (read in full...)

Things were going well until I told her I was interested

Q.   I recently started a college course and met a girl who had very similar interests in life. I got her email address, but it took us a while to arrange a drink. Eventually it happened, and on the second time we went out I basically told her I was ...

A.   17 April 2010: So... you went out for drinks 2x and told her you were interested in being more than friends and you scared her away. I'm not sure if you learned that she lives with her boyfriend before or after that happened, but you should give her credit she's ... (read in full...)

He won't let go of his separated wife for me.

Q.   Hi, i am a 41 year old woman, i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and it has been a very up and down relationship, he has always been a very angry man and i have found it very hard with him, we have a 2 year old child together of which he ...

A.   17 April 2010: Honey. Seriously??? He's been dragging this on for 4 years? While you managed to dispatch your divorce years ago. LOOK at that. You wanted to do something and you did it. If he wanted to do it, he would have done it too. Why didn't he? Because he ... (read in full...)

What if he's perfect, but the sex is horrible?

Q.   Quick question: What if the guy you dated was the nicest fellow in the world, educated, intelligent, good looking, treating you amazingly etc but the sex was absolutely HORRIBLE? (some of the difficulties I am talking about can not be fixed, like ...

A.   17 April 2010: Hmmm. Well I guess I'm wondering if you are basing this "horrible" on one instance? Or have you been sleeping with him for a while and this is the report card? If this guy treats you so well then chances are he is probably over the mood for you so ... (read in full...)

Please help! Should I move in with a roomate for now, or trust how my husband is being?

Q.   Hi, we have been married five years. My husband and I recently moved two yrs ago to a different state to start our business and that didnt work out. He has been unemployed the whole time and became very depressed. We have basically lost all of our ...

A.   17 April 2010: Okay hold on. Back up. I have a few questions. You said you are the only one working. Are you working in a place where you live now? The place where you have no friends or family or support system? Forget about your husband for just one minute and ... (read in full...)

He never has the time to talk to me anymore, should I just end the relationship?

Q.   I am in a distance relationship for 3 months now i love my boyfriend so much and he say he loved me too but there is a big BUT it seems like he don't love me anymore because he doesn't have time for me. he say everytime that he is busy he don't want ...

A.   16 April 2010: Oh honey. A "distance" relationship for 3 months is not much of a relationship at all. How many times have you seen each other? Because for guys talking and IM chatting don't count. It's about face to face time. And if you haven't had much of that ... (read in full...)

She has got back in touch after almost a month, what should I do now?

Q.   Alright so a month and a half ago my girlfriend of 3 and a half years dumped me for being too obsessive so to say. I posted a question here weeks ago about me wanting to get her back and applying the no contact rule. Well nearly a month has gone by ...

A.   16 April 2010: Well I say hear her out. Clearly if you were together or 3 1/2 years there are going to be feelings there. Sometimes when there are issues in relationships people need time to get their thoughts straight around them. Don't play games just talk to ... (read in full...)

His friends are frustrating me!

Q.   My boyfriend and i have been on and off for the past year and something that i noticed lately thats been bothering me are his friends (both girls and boys). His friends aren't the friendliest people, i am the most outgoing friendliest pers...

A.   16 April 2010: Maybe try a strategy of divide and conquer. If they are a whole group that has grown up together, the dynamics of that have already been established. So you come along and you are definitely going to disrupt the group dynamic and be an outsider. You ... (read in full...)

I want to see a virginal vagina!

Q.   Of all the porn that is there on the net, and in hard copy, i have seldom come across a photograph of a real virgin girl with her hymen intact. I am a male and from a conservative society, and am going to marry soon. The marriage is an arranged ...

A.   13 March 2010: You won't be able to tell by looking. AND inspecting your bride on your wedding night like she's some sort of farm animal you bought and paid for doesn't exactly bode well for trust and romance. Virgins don't always have in-tact hymens..... (read in full...)

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