She does not understand why I am upset. Should I be upset?
Q. My wife slept with my best friend, no sex, no touching. I was not present. The sleeping accommodation was not the best. First nite she called me and told me he invited her to the bed, there was only one. She was cramped where she slept. She told me ...
A. 30 October 2009: Well, I'm still a bit confused why 1) you would leave your wife alone at your sons house and go home, knowing there was nowhere for her to sleep there, and 2) If you live that close why she wouldn't just come home after the "event"... or 3) if you ... (read in full...)
Is he jealous?
Q. I told the guy I am dating that I will go to a party and asked him if he could help me by giving me his opinion about the hairstyle. He acccepted. I thought he will ask me something about the party, but he did not. The only thing he knows that I ...
A. 30 October 2009: He's probably wondering the same as you - why are you telling him you are going to a party and asking about hairstyles but you didn't invite HIM to go with you? He's wondering maybe if you have another boyfriend. Sounds like you are giving him mixed ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he talk to me when his wife's around?
Q. I know a guy who is married and he is very friendly and talktive with me when his wife is not around and when she is around us he pretty much doesn't talk to me at all. Just say hi. I am married too. I don't think he flirts with me, if he does I ...
A. 30 October 2009: He's probably attracted to you and then feels self-conscious about it when his wife is around. ... (read in full...)
Did I cheat on my boyfriend, and if so does that mean I'm not happy with him?
Q. I'm very much in love with my boyfriend, we've been together for 7 months and it feels very right, like I've found my soul mate. I've been through enough abusive/controlling/violent and generally unhappy relationships to know that I'm definitely ...
A. 30 October 2009: I'd be cautious of this new guy. He says he's in love with his ex... then one dance with you and he's not in love with HER anymore, now he's all goo goo over you? He only ever has sex with people he loves? Sounds to me like he "falls in LOVE" ... (read in full...)
Help! Is he leading me on, or does he want to date me?
Q. Hey guys, I have been talking to this guy for a week or so through the internet, we met through a social event so its not an online thing. The other day he asked me for my number because he was asking me about going to the movies together. I gav...
A. 30 October 2009: Lean back and let him come to you. Trust me, if a guy is interested, even if you don't respond he will try again. Be careful with text, it means nothing to guys. Let him come to you, and don't be so quick to respond. If he makes you wait two ... (read in full...)
Should I even try to begin to understand??
Q. Hi, Don't know if anyone else can get their head around this because I can't... I was going out with a girl for 7 years. We got on so well, really knew each other, and had got to the stage that we could openly talk about anything. She even br...
A. 25 September 2009: Wow. You must be very hurt and very heartbroken. No I don't think you should try to understand - not now anyway. I think you should take care of yourself. Her obsession is her problem. Let her friends and family "step in". She will tire of this ... (read in full...)
How do I dump him gracefully? Ignore him or tell him straight?
Q. Hi, I posted this yesterday and got 2 replies I am so thankful for. But I need more advise from our dear aunts. I am still confused... How should I turn down my ex without with grace? Here's the background. I have realized now he has played ...
A. 25 September 2009: That's lovely that you don't want to hurt anyone, but darlin' you don't want to be a doormat either. Sometimes treating people the way they treated you isn't a bad thing... it might give them a clue to how they have made you feel.
I think pe... (read in full...)
Did she just use me sexually and will she ever come back to me?
Q. I know this is a long post, but I feel all the information in it is necessary. A year ago in August, I started my second year of college. It was at this time I met her. I had known her from when I was in elementary and middle school-she was a gr...
A. 24 September 2009: I'm sorry, that's a really heartbreaking story. As an objective reader though, do you really want to be with a girl who cheats on her boyfriend? and then runs off with another guy right after you? sounds like she has some issues and she's a bit ... (read in full...)
Should I risk our friendship by asking her out?
Q. Hi there, Okay, so... I've been friends, really good friends with this chick going on 4 years. I've liked her in the past, at the beginning, for about a year, asked her out... no dice. I got over her, and had a relapse. I've like her for th...
A. 24 September 2009: you say you two are really good friends? I'd ask her for advice on your situation. Tell her what you told us. As her what she thinks you should do. Then do what she says. :-)... (read in full...)
He's never been good at relationships but what is your opinion?
Q. Ive known this guy for 4-5 yrs - Lets call him "Robert".We were friends and some point jumped into intimacy. He was a drinker who expressed his naughty feelings for me and would be touchy feely in public,get jealous when I was w/ other guys.We ...
A. 24 September 2009: Hi honey. This guy clearly has intimacy issues. I don't know many men who hang with a woman for 5 years, say I love you and don't mean it. So I think he def has feelings for you. But having feelings and being able to deal with his issues well enough ... (read in full...)
I want to be friends with a married man but he has feelings for me!
Q. Hey guys, This problem is to do with a guy who previously ran a community music group in my area. We get along really well, he's married. I wasn't really interested in a romantic relationship at all, he's just cool and we like hanging. I should m...
A. 23 September 2009: I'm glad to hear it freaked you out -- that's your inner wisdom warning you something is wrong here. You are 19, so you probably don't have much experience with married couples. Let me enlighten you. NO you can't just be friends with a married man - ... (read in full...)
Am I reading this all wrong or does he like me?
Q. Ok, What would you think if a guy you liked told you this... 1. That he really, really liked me a lot. 2. That not many people 'get' him, but I do. 3. That he feels he can talk to me about anything. 4. Flirts, and accidentally drops in sexual...
A. 23 September 2009: There's a great quote.... in romance, don't listen to anything a man says, only what he does. some men are huge flirts. Is he asking you out? taking you out? taking you in his arms and saying "darling be mine"? or is it all just talk?... (read in full...)
A little help for the guy stuck in the friend zone
Q. I'm a guy that always has girl-friends but never in a relationship I'm starting to believe I'm every girls straight gay friend you know. I can talk to a girl for weeks or months and go slow find out more about them and try to show them that I'm ...
A. 23 September 2009: Based on what you said, "I talk to a girl for weeks or months and go slow and find out more about them but I want to make sure it will work first" -- that comes across as you aren't COURTING these girls, you are the one setting the relationship up ... (read in full...)
Out of no where he ended things because he said he's too busy for a relationship, could there be more to this?
Q. Hi, about a month ago I started dating this guy, we've been friends for about 5 years. He is at uni and i am studying part time while working.... He broke up with me yesterday. He said that he has so much work to do and is under a lot of pressure ...
A. 17 August 2009: I know. They give us all the right signals... we think everything is fine... and then they just totally pull a 180...and don't even explain why. It's NOT fair, it's not right, and it's confusing as hell. I've had it happen to me. Seen it happen to ... (read in full...)
I lost my virginity to my now ex-boyfriend, but according to him I wasn't a virgin before him! What do you make of this?
Q. I had my 1st sex last year when I was 20 wid my ex-boyfriend. But according to him, I was not virgin. I actually didn't understand what he meant. As according to him, I didnt suffer any pain much, and everything went so smooth. I got a lil confused ...
A. 16 August 2009: YOU KNOW who you lost your virginity to and when. Who cares if your ex agrees or not? Why is this even bothering you? You know the truth. ... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to my wife's best friend and curious of what it's like to sleep with another woman! What should I do?
Q. I have been married to my wife for 11 years now and she has been the only woman I have ever had sex with. For about 9 of those years she has had a lot of issues physcially and mentally that has caused her to totally lose her sex drive. For the most ...
A. 16 August 2009: Oh dude... please. Surf around here and read all the agony posts of women who's husbands are cheating... of mistresses who are heartbroken that they are involved with married men... even of married men who are in hell. Seriously - read those so you ... (read in full...)
We've just moved in together and it's me that's doing all the work! I can't move out, so what should I do?
Q. Hi, I just wondered if anyone has any advice...I've just moved in with my boyf, but we have been together three years. He doesnt do anything around the house. No cooking, cleaning, Nothing!!! I lend him my car to take to work every day, which cuts ...
A. 16 August 2009: Can you find a roommate? you need to kick this bum out. Seriously. and DEFINITELY STOP lending him your car, cooking for him or doing anything for him! Ugh!! ... (read in full...)
Am I part of the reason why he's hurting?
Q. Say a guy turns 40 and soon after, his 29 year old girlfriend of 6 years dumps him unceremoniously for a 20 year old. I know that's going to hurt, badly, but I'm wondering how I fit into it: I'm a very attractive (not to toot my own horn, but I get ...
A. 16 August 2009: It sounds like you are asking if you are the rebound girl. Well, maybe. But why would you be part of the reason why he's hurting? that doesn't make sense. Because you are young and remind him of his ex? I don't think so. If you have been dating for ... (read in full...)
Out of no where he ended things because he said he's too busy for a relationship, could there be more to this?
Q. Hi, about a month ago I started dating this guy, we've been friends for about 5 years. He is at uni and i am studying part time while working.... He broke up with me yesterday. He said that he has so much work to do and is under a lot of pressure ...
A. 16 August 2009: Okay first of all he's talking about moving in together after only dating a month? Seems a bit fast. When you said great! that might have freaked him out a bit. Guys do this weird thing where they daydream scenarios out loud and they may not be ... (read in full...)
Can relationships work if one smokes weed and the other doesn't?
Q. So my boyfriend smokes weed and I don't. As far as I know, he only does it with his roommates and doesn't pay his own money for the weed. I've smoked a few times when I was younger, and had bad expierences with it, so I generally say no when they ...
A. 16 August 2009: I'd stop pretending you don't care and tell him how you feel. Tell him you adore him as your boyfriend, but when he gets high he forgets you are there and that you don't like it, it doesn't feel good to feel like you are invisible. Tell him that ... (read in full...)
She's 16, I'm 25, and I fear that the changes she'll go through in the next few years will cause us to break up. What can I do?
Q. Im 25 and my girl friend is 16.I love her more then anything in life and she admits i am her first love and I believe it for the fact that i known some of her exs that sh dated for awhile and never had sex with them.we dated one month before she ...
A. 16 August 2009: Honey, whether you're 16 or 36 or 60... there are no guarantees. For anyone. Are you sitting around worrying if you will lose your job in 2 or 3 years? Are you worrying if you will get sick next summer? the more you focus on your fears the more ... (read in full...)
Could this lead to something more?
Q. Hey theres this girl i really like and she sent me a msg saying that outta the 3 other guys shes talkin to im the only one who hasnt asked for sex or photos and she thanked me for it and said she told the other 3 other guys to leave her alone. but i ...
A. 16 August 2009: Ask her out. Take it slow. She may just be texting with them because she doesn't have anything better to do. So... offer something better to do! then keep your eyes open. If it's proceeding and she's still texting with these other dudes then you can ... (read in full...)
I can't seem to bring myself out of my shell. Please help!
Q. Hi all, I've never dated before. I have asked out girls in the past (and got rejected obviously), and I've tried to work out what is wrong with me - the things that are making me undesirable - and I've pretty much got the jist of it. And what a l...
A. 16 August 2009: and here's a really radical idea... next time you are at a party and you meet a nice girl (or 2 or 3) why not try just asking for advice? Say... you know, I'm really shy. Can you help me? Can you give me any advice on how to talk to girls? I can't ... (read in full...)
I can't seem to bring myself out of my shell. Please help!
Q. Hi all, I've never dated before. I have asked out girls in the past (and got rejected obviously), and I've tried to work out what is wrong with me - the things that are making me undesirable - and I've pretty much got the jist of it. And what a l...
A. 16 August 2009: Hi darlin, don't go hide under a rock all that will do is make you feel even lonelier. I know it might feel overwhelming, but there are a lot of other people your age who are in the same boat. You just need to build your confidence up a bit. You ... (read in full...)
I keep making the same mistakes, having affairs, what can I do to make this right?
Q. I keep making the same mistakes and can't seem to stop myself. I had an unhappy first marriage and after having my children I had an affair with my Husband's best friend and left my husband for him, he then didn't want to know me once I was single, ...
A. 16 August 2009: Hi honey, I feel for you I really do. It's hard to break these patterns and I can see it's causing you a lot of stress. if your husband doesn't want to do marriage counseling then you can still go for counseling by yourself. You really need to.
... (read in full...)
I'm back with my ex... but he's giving me mixed signals! Should I stay or go?
Q. Mixed signals. I am back with my ex. His actions say love and commitment. But his words say he does not want a commitment. He says he does not want to see or be with anyone else exceot ne, but he does not want a commitment. I do not realy ...
A. 16 August 2009: RhythmandBlues keeps referencing Rori Raye... (girlfriend trap, power speech) and she's really great BTW. here's a great article. http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/... (read in full...)
I'm back with my ex... but he's giving me mixed signals! Should I stay or go?
Q. Mixed signals. I am back with my ex. His actions say love and commitment. But his words say he does not want a commitment. He says he does not want to see or be with anyone else exceot ne, but he does not want a commitment. I do not realy ...
A. 9 August 2009: Just be honest. Tell him you completely understand that he's not ready for a commitment and you aren't going to pressure him for one. But you want a committed relationship in your life so if he can't do that then he will have to understand that ... (read in full...)
I know my guy friend still likes me, so how can I make him jealous?
Q. My guy friend and I haven’t been talking. I texted him the other day saying that I heard he was going out with someone and he texted me back twice asking who I heard it from. I never answered him. I know that he’s not in a relationship! When I go to ...
A. 9 August 2009: Honey, friends don't play games with each other. Real friends are honest and kind and supportive. If your guy friend stopped talking to you and has been distant, maybe it's because you keep acting one way and talking another and ignoring him and ... (read in full...)
We have so much chemistry... but he has a girlfriend! Should I wait to see if he breaks up with her or forget him?
Q. I've met a guy I really like. He made it clear from the beginning that he had a girlfriend and that he didn't want anything other than friends. I accepted that and we went out. But it became very clear that there was chemistry between us. He flirted ...
A. 9 August 2009: Honey... forget this guy. Seriously. The hard truth about men is that they will totally use you to boost their ego and just "enjoy" flirting and attention, and not even think there is anything wrong with this. I've seen it time and time again, and ... (read in full...)
Deeply troubled with sexual past, please help!
Q. I am almost 20 and have slept with 7 different people. I find myself thinking about it each day more and more and its depressing me to the point that I cry about it for hours. I am so troubled with it and have so many different issues I just dont ...
A. 9 August 2009: okay honey, I can help. As a woman in my early 40's, I can honestly look back at my life and say the BIGGEST regret I have is not what I did, but what I didn't do. I wasted WAY TOO MUCH time worrying about, and grieving over the past. What's done is ... (read in full...)
Girls: WHAT are the signs that a girl wants a guy to approach her?
Q. girls: WHAT are the signs that a girl wants a guy to approach her? help me out here! is there a general sign or does it depend on the person? and do girls want guys that they've just seen to approach them?...
A. 9 August 2009: If she checks you out and then looks away, but then looks back. Don't be shy. Girls love a confident guy. Just go over and say hi like it's no big deal. Introduce yourself, ask her name. Chat for a few minutes and then move on, leave her wanting a ... (read in full...)
I keep making the same mistakes, having affairs, what can I do to make this right?
Q. I keep making the same mistakes and can't seem to stop myself. I had an unhappy first marriage and after having my children I had an affair with my Husband's best friend and left my husband for him, he then didn't want to know me once I was single, ...
A. 9 August 2009: Well first of all, if this is a pattern, I think you need to spend some time with a good therapist. You aren't going to get to the bottom of what's going on on these boards. Second, you might want to consider marriage counseling as well to see if ... (read in full...)
Ex boyfriend wants advice on his current girlfriend...
Q. Ex boyfriend is now confiding in me things with his current beau aren't going well. they have been together four months she is nice quiet and kind of cold (his words) Apparently she isn't affectionate and he is wondering whether he needs to stay ...
A. 9 August 2009: My ex did that too. We were together for a long time and he said I know him better than anyone. The thing with guys - they don't really confide in their guy friends, they turn to women to talk about their emotional issues. He views you as someone ... (read in full...)
Help...I don't know who the father is! What should I do?
Q. Well I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm in a pickle... I've been with J for a year now, but sometime around christmas we had a fight and I went to my exs house (T) and u can do that math on that, well I went to Ts house christmas eve and then christmas ...
A. 9 August 2009: Why not talk to your gynecologist and explain that you really want to know when you conceived?
I just checked a gestation calendar online, and logged in your last period date of Dec 28. It gives a due date of Oct. 4th, with a conception date of ... (read in full...)
How long am I expected to be responsible for my childs life!!?
Q. Usually how long parents have to feel responisible for their grown up kids life? I started to feel that it will never end, and I love them but I feel I can never have my life back! I know some people want to do this forever, but am I wrong if I wan...
A. 21 June 2009: Seems like we need a bit more information before we can weigh in. How old is your kid? Is it one kid or more than one? How are they looking to you to be responsible? are we talking about cat-sitting here? Did s/he lose their job in this tough ... (read in full...)
Stuck in this triangle competing for my husband!
Q. I have trust issues with my husband. i resently found out the he has been secretly contacting his ex girlfriend calling and texting her up to 5 times a day.i feel insecure that he dont even communicate with me on that level and i am his wife. I have ...
A. 14 June 2009: Your husband knows how you feel and he is selfishly ignoring that, so obviously talking isn't getting you anywhere because he is not paying attention. They say people don't appreciate what they have until it's gone, so what I suggest is give him a ... (read in full...)
Leaving my wife after 15 years of pain
Q. My wife changed the night our first child was born. We had been together for two years before that, and she was a happy, loving woman. When I left her at the hospital after our son was born, she was still the same happy woman, but when I came to ...
A. 9 June 2009: I think you are amazing and brave and as a woman, there are times when I feel like men just don't want all the things you describe, so it's really beautiful to hear you say that you want them. No one should have to live in pain. For you to do it for ... (read in full...)
My flirty fiancee wont stop flirting with our younger friend...why does she need to do this?
Q. I am 47 and my fiance is 41. She constantly flirts with a younger 23 year old friend of ours everytime she sees him. She says she has no attraction toward him and it's innocent but this really pushes my buttons everytime she does it. I've told ...
A. 28 March 2009: It may be that she is 41 and feeling strange about getting older... she may need the validation that flirting with a younger man gives her, to help make her feel like she's still got game. I'm sure it's innocent, but the fact that you have called ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to make a rude comment about his new girlfriend?
Q. I'm so afraid that if people that I think of as my true friends were to find out what I had done, that they would be let down or disappointed in me. I'm afraid that they might think I'm a bad person. Maybe I'm wrong and just listening to fear. ...
A. 28 March 2009: Hi sweetie. People can be so cruel. It's a mean trick of fate sometimes that when we need comfort and reassurance the most is when people will run away from us the most. It really hurts, I know. But you need to let it go. This man obviously does not ... (read in full...)
Aren't our feelings for each another enough to make things work?
Q. I posted a question on here last week about how my boyfriend and I seem to want different things. Last night, after 2 and a half years, he broke up with me because of it. He wants to focus on his career and while I do to, I had also suggested l...
A. 28 March 2009: I'm so sorry that's really hard. Hang in there, you will be okay. Some people say that's just the way men are - that they are very goal oriented and they need to feel they've achieved something before they are ready to settle down. In your case ... (read in full...)
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