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My boyfriend despises my best friend and her husband!

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 December 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 December 2014)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have a real problem on my hands.

My boyfriend of 1 year is absolutely despises my best friend from my childhood and her husband. With New year celebration that he is hosting in his house where I just moved in he blankly refuses to invite my girfriend and her husband.

Just a little prolog: we met a year ago and fell in love. It's been a wonderfull year for us, and being me in my late 20s, him in his mid 30s we desided to get married next year without waiting few years more. My boyfriend came from a very good family. His family always had money, he went to best private schools and then university. He is a well mannered, very intelligent and respectfull of people. I admire many of his qualities like incredible honesty, courtesy toward anyone, and ethics in his every action and thought.

While we were dating until 2 months ago, my childhood friend and her husband lived in a different state, and then he was transferred from work to our hometown.

During this time we never saw each other, and 2 months ago this is when they finally met my boyfriend.

Us being so close and so much time appart we couldn't wait to catch up. Many parties followed. My boy friend being a good boyfriend attended all of them and as usual in his best behavor. I never suspected anything.

A week ago when we started discussing New Year he suddenly informed me of his attitude toward my friends and said: I am not planning on inviting them. At first I thought he was joking but he said, he was never that serious. Then he continued to tell me why he doesn't want to see them....any longer. Not only on New Year eve but at all. He said, he can understand if I continue my friendship, but please don't make him do it.

I was shocked and then he explained to me why. He said, that especially the husband drives him up the wall. He said he never met anyone more ignorant and rude as her husband. He told me that the husband several times expressed his opinions basically about anyone who is not white and Christian: blacks,Jews and so on. He said, he is rasist and that he can't tolerate this. Then when there is a difference of opinions the husband starts to ridicule him and laughs openly to his face, acts very disrespectfull.

When we had a small party at our house for my boyfriends promotion at work, we made only appetizers and provided drinks. The husband, he said, liked one dish: smoked salmon and Brie. My boyfriend said he watched him finishing the whole plate of it, no one even had a chance to try it. He said, the husband eats like a pig, inconsiderate of anyone around him and gets drunk. The he mentioned to me when we went out several times, the husband was trying to skip on a check, or pay significantly less than he owed, pretending not to realize that he had 8 drinks or so while my boyfriend only had 1 beer.

Still shocked listening to all of this as honestly I didn't even noticed, I asked him, but that's only the husband, what about my girfriend? He said, she is the same. He said she is damn, selfish, and also cheap.

In a edition to all she is a horrible hostess, never gets her butt of the couch when she invites us. Once she literally grabbed a small bag of crackers from him that were laying right there on a table, saying that this is her favorite and he can't have them. That was one time when he stopped by to pick up something, and her husband made him a drink, and he wanted to have at least some food in a stomach, but was not offered anything by her or him.

Overall he said, thereis nothing in common between him and them, but that would not a big problem if they didnt disgust him with their personalities. He said he wishes them well, there is no hate in him, he just prefers not to have them in his life.

I am totally puzzled on what to do. I love him and of course will never drop him because of this, but I also love my girfriend. To say the truth about her being cheap I kind of agree . I noticed of course that she is not leaving proper tip for servers, sometimes very little. I always add. Even on my birthday she never offers to take me out for lunch, I always take her out on hers. Little things like that, but I really don't think it's such a huge deal, or may be I am just used to it.

I need help on what to do, because I can't even start imagining what to tell my girfriend. Thank you

View related questions: at work, best friend, cheap, christian, drunk, fell in love, money, moved in, university

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom + , writes (29 December 2014):

I have to say that I disagree with the other posters. If you are both hosting a New Year party in what is now your house too, then I would ask that he suck it up and invite them along. He may not get on with them, but he can just avoid them at the party if that's how he feels. I would be very hurt if my boyfriend put me in a position where I had to tell a long time friend that she couldn't attend a party in my new home. I'd talk to him about this again and explain what an awkward position it's putting you in. I'd also gently remind you that it is now your house too and therefore you get a say in the invite list. Good luck and happy new year!

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (29 December 2014):

mystiquek agony auntSometimes we just don't like people. your boyfriend gave valid reasons. He isn't controlling and telling you to chose him or them. He just doesn't want to associate with them. Fair enough. As honeypie says, see them without your boyfriend. He seems cool about it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 December 2014):

Honeypie agony auntYou have over time gotten used to your BFF being the way she is, I guess you see in a little different light after your BF pointed out her "flaws", but YOU still see her as a friend (which is just fine too).

I don't blame your BF, he TRIED to put an effort into getting to know and like your BFF and her husband, but he has realized that HONESTLY he can't stand either. WHICH again I think is JUST FINE. He isn't TELLING YOU that you can not hang out with your friend (and her husband) but that HE don't want to. Again fair enough.

What do you do? Well, you can spend time AWAY from "home" having lunch or dinner with your friend or invite then round when your BF isn't going to be there. I would NEVER expect my husband to HAVE to hang out with people he doesn't like. And the same goes for me.... EXCEPT his family of course, which I mostly don't like (they are a bunch of trashy, ignorant, selfish morons). I will go and put on a smile, but I avoid it as much as possible.

All I can say is, you BF gave you some decent reasons as to why he doesn't like them. I'd respect that.

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