A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been married for four years but have not had intercourse with my husband. he is little shy n in the beginning never took an initiative but he masturbates on regular basis. he even refuses to see a doctor. with much pressure from my end we attended 2-3 counsellings with a specialist but then again left that in between. due to this we are going through very rough patch but he still does not want to see a doctor. things are so messed up that the whole issue is getting heated up and moving towards a divorce. what could be the problem? i have taken many initiatives but of no help. please suggest what should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): somebody correct me if i am wrong but i don't think your marriage is even legal if you haven't consummated it by having sex. so...you're not even really married until you have sex. the other posters have listed lots of good reasons why he might not be interested in it (maybe gay?) but if he won't seek help then you need to move on. you deserve a real marriage.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 March 2011):
 I wonder if yours was an arranged marriage - since I know that's not unusual in your country. In this case, the explanation could be simply that he is not attracted to you. You could be, and I am sure you are, a beautiful woman, but if he did not choose you personally, you may just not be his type.
It's a misconception that any man will be able to perform with any woman as long as she lays in his bed. Some need to feel a strong physical interest.
Another explanation could be he is not attracted to any woman- he is gay ( whether he has realized it or not )
Anyway , I agree with the other respondents . if in 4 years nothing has changed, and most of all if he refuses to see a professional who could help him solve his problem, it's time to call it quits and move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (29 March 2011):
 Hi dear,
Its very not normal.. I see you did everything you could, talk, see a doctor, conseling..
4 years is a long time, if he doesn't open up to you, I am pretty sure you should move on.
You're very young & still have so much to live & be happy!!
Have a talk & if he doenst change, pls don't waste any more of your precious life.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 March 2011):
 After 4 years of this and given his refusal to even acknowledge the problem, it's probably time to call it quits. He could be gay, he could be addicted to masturbation, who knows. But in the end it doesn't matter what's causing it if he won't seek help or try to fix it. It's time to move on.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (29 March 2011):
There could be a lot of reasons for this. He could be nervous, ashamed of sex, have a fear of being a failure sexually or as a partner. Ask him what he thinks you should do about it. Tell him you don't want to leave him, but that if he doesn't want to do anything about it, you will have to leave him and find a man who is prepared to try having sex with you, and wants to have sex with you. Ask him what he thinks the solution is. Ask him what he is prepared to try doing, and why there are certain things he is not prepared to try. What would happen if you tried having sex?He may not be able to face these questions, or even be able to have these conversations, but if he cannot talk about these things to start, you aren't likely to have any luck having sex, and overcoming these issues. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (29 March 2011):
 hi four years is an awfully long time for him to never want to have sex with you. as he is masturbating, the problem is not a physical one. he obviously has issues about sex. was your marriage an arranged one? maybe he just does not find you attractive. he may even be gay? he is refusing to get the help that may lead to being able to have sex. you are the only one who is concerned about this problem and trying to find ways to help. is there really anything else you can do when he is not even trying? is he not even bothered that this problem will lead to divorce? is he loving towards you in other ways at all?xx
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