A
male
age
41-50,
*ROD
writes:well this will be long so i appreciate anyone who actually reads this in advance...from the begining ill start, i met this gorgeous girl 3 years ago through word of mouth by her. you see i have been in a pretty successful band for 7 years and always was searching for that perfect girl to notice me. well this was that girl...so i thought. we started off fresh, she seem sooo interested in everything i did, i never felt like a girl could be so proud to date me...it was clearly helping her ego dating me with my famed status (famed.lol) so we traveled all over playing music, i lived with her, and also been working a full-time job as a designer (my degreed profession). i took care of her house, her dog, and drove to an from her place everyday, couldnt get enuf of this girl, and she couldnt either. she lived 50 miles away from my work, so driving definatly took its toll. i kept going tho...went through 3 cars and spent over 60k in gas...also i became close to her friends too. she has a lot of dark history, many people warned me (basically saying be careful with this girl) but didnt tell me why, and when i asked they would kinda chuckle...this made me paranoid. so i brought this up with her and she continued to comfort me saying that there is nothing to worry about. i bought it. i find out later this girls last ex bf left her to go to school overseas...she began to become depressed during all this...cut herself, drank more n more, and started surrounding herself with party goers...thats probably why she then met me...rock nroll ya kno. since meeting her i have never fallin so far in love with anyone before...she used all the right lines, we had a blast together...then all of a sudden i findout she is talking to her ex under a girls name in her cell phone. well i was furoius...i grab all my stuff and left the house...she called me back soo many time i finally gave in and talked it out with her...she basically said that she was in wrong and that she wanted me back...so i gave it a chance...(btqw this girl is very insecure and love attention from any male) sooo now im back in the relationship...slowly the band im in becomes to have more drama with all of us having gf that all know eachother...the band broke up and i contunied playin solo, but was really depressed about how the band broke up...my mother then was diagnosised with serious case of cancer, my dad had a heartattack, and well my music career seemed hopeless unless i did something about it...i also was with a girl who i didnt completely kno why she was wioth me...that whole ex bf she hide continued to stay in contact...i guess i just dealt with it, not knowing if they were messing around or what not...either way it was a lack of respect on her part to bring that into our relationship...but i loved her.lol so i dealt the blows...later on my band mate told me she was sleeping with him...of course this was the kid that always spread rumors, god knows what for...he just likes drama i guess...but anyways it really bothered me...along with all this stress i kinda flipped out...and wrote some nasty test to my gf...like go bang other dudes, we are done, i dont even know you anymore...blah blah blah...so we broke up...before all that she became less n less available, and when we would hangout there seemed to be this wall i built as a defense to not get hurt by her...i really didnt know if she was fooling around or not...also she started using cocaine more frequently than before...ive never done it, and my older siblings got screwed up on it...so when i foundout my gf was in that scene it made me furious, confused, and utterly depressed and hopeless about retaining any value...she basically delt with all her streses with booze, coke, bad friends, and backstabbing. i still loved her tho...so we broke up and i began my musically adventure more and more, making new friends starting new bands and pushing my passion...i then met a new girl who wasnt as attractive but was into allot more of what i was into...she was great to me...and we began dating...wheile i was doing this i still was in love with my ex...so it wasnt fair for this girl...plus my ex had been contacting me as soon as she foundout i had a been on top of my stuff (they always know when you are) so while i was doing my thing she was hooked up with a new bf through one of her friends...the same friend who got her to turn against me, cuz i just had to many problems...i guess i was just really down and out beofre and needed her to be strong and wise then...instead she just boozed more and hungout with her friends more...i was all alone...so now my ex has become more interested in me and i was dating a girl that i really didnt love...it was convient and really healthy for me to move on...but i didnt want to yet...i wanted a second chance and realized all my work was towards that...so i told the girl the truth, told her i wasnt feeling it, and she understood (so i think) so i got back with my ex and slepted with her the first nite of reunion (bad idea) the next days after that she flew to AZ for a wedding...the day she flew out i foundout that her ex bf(the one she hid under a girls name was there too) i was calm and asked her to say hi to him if she sees him...she basically said she really didnt see him at all...next i see when she gets back pictures of them parting together at the wedding, the next day at the pool, and so on...she basically told me one thing, and did another...they were hanging out and she hid it...same things going on all over again... so i became untrusted again...i probably latchon a little tight the second time around and it pushed her away...she then began talking to her other ex bf and i knew this because i asked her...she always was one of those girls who would never lie to me if i asked the right questions, but she withheld allot of info... so we lasted the 2nd time for about 3 weeks...she said i acted as if i wasnt in love anymore...basically prying her every move...this i was actually agreeing with and i was trying to acted this way to see how she really is after my rose color glasses had faded...i guess i really started to see her little game playing tatics more n more now. so she broke up with me 3 weeks later claiming she is confused and has to go seek medical help (aka phycologist) her mother died when she was 17 and it really messed her up, her dad was a stone cold man that didnt show much emotion...this is why she brok up so quickly out of panic without communicating that maybe she was sabatoging her relationships all along... so she said she was going to get therapy and be alone...i advised that she hangout with her gf and spend time alone to soul search...she promised she would...its been like 4 weeks now, and i findoput she has introduced her 2nd ex to the family now and that she is also doing counsiling with herself and him, and becomeing a better person while growing with him...he doesnt kno what hes getting into, but at the same time she is starting to settle down with these games, because she is giving her best to him...he has known her for 5 months?!?!? so i guess im asking, how can i get rid of the feeling that im am like collatoral damage for her relationship success...i dont know if what we had was ever love, because i feel like i was being played with the entire time...she said all the right words, but her actions where another story...i really needed someone i thought that loved me to help me through my darkest times and i am becoming resentful of women in gerneral...it seems they will take selfishly without disregaurd.... i dont want to be come some bitter person without faith in finding love again...i really feel like a fool and that i gave her my best...right now i am not really interstyed in women...i am actually scared of what power they have over me when i fall in love...i feel stupid, tricked, confused, and alone...i am making plans for my future...school, new car, new band is doing great, helping out the family, moved mback home to spend the last years of my mothers life with her...i guess i just dont get how a women can be so heartless...i want her to be happy, but does she have any remorse for how she treated me? she acts like it was my fault it didnt workout...how strong can i be at these dark hours...everything seems to be going to shit as soon as i get a gf...no girl seems to understand the hardwork and dedication it takes to be a successful engineer, musicain, and lover... my self esteem has droped baddd and i seriously want out of all this...i kinda wish i never met her, she basically lied to my face about all the dreams we wanted together and then kleft me, came back, then left me...i know now that i need to move on, duhhh!!! i guess i just fell in love with the wrong women...but she still haunts me in my mind daily...i remind myself of all her evil ways and it helps me see her as no good at all...her looks are starting to fade as well, i guess i just want her to realize what she did to me and how horrible she made me feel...she says that she didnt mean too...and that pisses me off more...im trying to forget about her, but its hard, i know with time it will get better, but being run over like this i had no idea...this girl needs to learn, but im out of the picture. and feel like shes doing all these improvements with this other guy, when it should have been me...i think im better off now tho, im just sad
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broke up, depressed, fell in love, her ex, insecure, move on, my ex, notice me, self esteem, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, AROD +, writes (17 June 2010):
AROD is verified as being by the original poster of the question soooo she def fooled me good...black magic women
A
female
reader, niccy  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 what you need to remeber is that she's messed up, its not your fault at all i promise. Your better off without her and you need to just try and move on because your hurting yourself by going through all of this. She may not show remourse yet but once she's better she might. Just look after yourself because there's a set path for everyone in life and there are always knock backs! just smile and the world smiles too sometimes x
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A
male
reader, AROD +, writes (16 June 2010):
AROD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionummm more feedback from some other users would be nice
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A
male
reader, AROD +, writes (27 May 2010):
AROD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks happy 24thbirthday...i appreciate ur positive outlook...thats one thing i've gotten really good at practicing...thoughts become words, words become actions...i dont speak of negative things now...still think of them sumtimes...but write them down instead of letting my tongue control my emotional states...for real now...this women i dated turned out acting like a dude through all this...she has no respect for me clearly by her actions, and little repect for herself. as far as writing a counrty song...hmmm she loved country, so im not thrilled about it. i am gonna write a new tunes like deftones 7 words...prolly get allot of people retarded on cheating exes...see u on tour
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A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (22 May 2010):
 Whatever help and improvements it seems she's going through right now with this other guy, rest assured that's a show. You can put that aside. What you described is so much what women have gone through for so long. It seems as though we're always the ones left with a broken heart and unable to gain ourselves back wholly. You will most definitely find love again, and she will be so fabulous that you may regret ever wasting a moment of your precious time on what's her face. I'm sad that you're sad, as I SO know how it feels. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to keep your head right. Try your best to stay busy. DO NOT let this girl jade you about women. We are nurturers and loyal by nature.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 As A Buddhist would say :take this poison and turn it into medicine. Take your sadness and make it into a great love/hatred song. Or have a musician friend do it with you if you don't write music.I am not kidding you. I am serious. The first sentences of your last paragraph sound just like a country ballad ( a good one, though :). Or maybe something from the first Dylan. Like "Don't think twice it's allright ": "I am walking alone that long,lonesome road babe- where I am bound, I can' tell...""You just kinda wasted my precious time ,but don't think twice it's allright ". I don't know why it made me think of that. Love hurts ,some times. But I think no hurt is ever really fruitless and useless.
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