A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want to leave my boyfriend. We've been a couple for 2 and a half years and the relationship has been going nowhere for most of that time. We argue a lot and when we don't argue, we hardly talk to one another. We had a lot of problems at the beginning of the relationship, he was too full on and wanted to be around me 24/7 which I was not willing to do so early on. He didn't take no for an answer and kept coming to my house early in the morning and staying until late at night. I had just had a minor operation at that time and was tired and needed my rest, so the last thing I wanted was him around all the time. I finally snapped and was quite horrible to him, to which he retaliated and was very mean to me for months after. We got over that (somehow!) but I still feel like I am walking on eggshells around him. If he asks me for a favour (usually borrow money) and I cant do it, I'm frightened to say no in case he's mean to me, so I end up borrowing money off friends to give to him. He talks over me all the time when I am talking and he expects me to be quiet so he can finish what hes saying. He doesn't move his feet for me to walk passed him, I have to climb over. He looks at women in the street all the time and makes comments about them. He says I wear old fashioned clothes. He makes comments about my size (although he's never actually called me fat). He says mean things about my family. I could carry on with things he does but I'm sure you all get my drift. I don't love him but I know that if I leave him I will miss him because I've been with him for so long but I don't want to put up with his lack of disrespect for me anymore. About a year ago I developed alopecia (hair loss condition) and my doctor says its because of stress, although I'm not entirely sure it is down to stress.On the days where I don't see him he likes me to text him, but we never have anything of interest to say to each other.Even after a few days apart we still have nothing worthwhile to say to one another. I am at my wits end. Every time we talk about ending the relationship he changes his attitude and starts being really nice so I end up staying. I need out of this relationship. I dont know who I am anymore, I certainly dont feel like my old self, and thats who I want to be again.
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 August 2013):
 Then you REALLY need to end this, for YOU.
You are with him out of familiarity and habit, not love and that isn't healthy for EITHER of you.
I'm betting you will start to feel less stressed without him in your life. Focus on YOU for now.
Cut ALL contact, don't try an remain friends.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (15 August 2013):
 "I don't love him but I know that if I leave him I will miss him because I've been with him for so long ..."
That's not a relationship, it's a habit. And if your doctor is telling you you're suffering stress, it's a bad habit.
Start planning now. If you live together, find a new place. If you have joint bank accounts, open new ones solely in your name. Get all the pieces in place for a new, independent life. Then pack your bags and go.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (15 August 2013):
 It doesn't sound like you're getting anything out of this. You're deeply unhappy and he's probably not particularly satisfied either so you need to do both of you a favour.
Whatever you do it will be unpleasant so don't try to avoid unpleasantness. You need to face the problem head on. Sit him down and tell him that you are leaving him. Don't let yourself be swayed. Don't say you'd like to fix things or try harder or that one day you might be together again. Tell him it's over and that's that. Then walk away. Don't try to be friends or stay in touch afterwards because he doesn't sound much like a friendly guy.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 August 2013):
 Taken in its entirety, your submittal does NOT describe a "relationship".... but, instead, a peculiar form of co-existence which doesn't sound very pleasant or satisfying.
Therefore, I don't think you have to worry about "leaving" this guy. Instead, consider it "walking away from an unpleasant situation".... and get on with your life...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 August 2013):
 Just take a deep breath and tell him what you just told us. Be clear and be firm. Break ups are always difficult but I think you won't be regretting this one for very long.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2013): You have to just be strong and tell him you aren't happy and this isn't the relationship for you. If you think he might become violent, make sure you have friends/family around. You don't need someone who is mean, disrespectful and borrows money. If he calls you, don't answer. Cut off all contacts.
The longer you stay with someone like this, the worst you'll feel about yourself.
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