A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:okay this is my first question on here so we'll see how this goes. Okay, a night ago my friend was seeking advice on which guy she should date and how they were giving her mixed signals. (She trying to decide between one guy who is in it for sex but is now sharing his feeling and personal life with her and the other guy is about getting to know her but now wants sex.) Point is I'm very old school for a 19 year old and don't agree with hookups and just overall sex with people you just met. So she's telling me her sexual experiences and she come out with "oh I told you I slept with ___ and ___ right?". I jokingly asked if it was at the same time and she replied with yes threesomes aren't that great. I felt so ashamed for her and disgusted. I mean like she's 19 and she's been with more than 20 guys. It's just sad to see her not care and admit that she has no feeling about it. I guess my question is how to do I respond to this? I'm very straight forward by the way and I have told her that I lost respect for her and all that and lets just say that it did not go great but I don't know. I'm very like ugh so grossed out about how she's been with so many people and never in relationships because she sees no point in it.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 February 2015):
 And she may find you repressed and hung up but she is still your friend.
You do not have to be friends with her. IN fact, if you can't be friends with her without judging her choices then maybe it's better that you let the friendship die away.... sometimes we out grow our friends....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2015): This is your decision. I have friends with dramatically different standards, and, dare I say, morals, than I do. I won't say that they're any less important or deserving of my respect for their actions and beliefs, but it's different.
Usually, what I do is I make it clear that I don't agree with their decisions in this aspect of their lives, and to please refrain from discussing it with me.
If I like these people, and otherwise respect them, I feel that one aspect of their lives should not be enough to prevent me from being their friend, provided they understand my stance on it. However, again, this is your decision.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): @ the last female anon:
The reason so many guys say that women in casual sex relationships are are being used because women say it themselves a lot. They do let themselves be used a lot. They accuse us of using them a lot too.
As a guy it's hard to know what to do. If we treat every female casual sex offer at face value then a whole lot of them turn out to have feelings involved. Suddenly we are the bad guy for not ignoring her words and reading between the lines. But if we assume the woman may have more feelings than she admits, then we are not accepting women's right to enjoy casual sex if they want.
We men are expected to do a certain amount of ignoring the words and mind reading. We are the bad-guy users whenever we guess wrong.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 February 2015):
 Dont be her friend then, if you cant respect her because she is different from you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): Some people have a high sex drive it doesn't make them a bad person or friend. In my opinion there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying sex, as long as she doesn't hurt anybody else in the process it really shouldn't matter. I had a boyfriend who asked me about my sexual past, as you do for some strange reason when you start dating. I told him about a guy I had a fling with, he wasn't my boyfriend he would just come over for sex sometimes. Well my boyfriend told me that this guy was just using me. I don't get why people think men use women for sex when I was doing exactly the same thing, I didn't want a relationship and in my eyes sex isn't just for the sole benefit of men. Women enjoy it too. I like porn and I've had threesomes before, it doesn't make me a horrible person. If she's a good friend in every other aspect you shouldn't judge her for it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 February 2015):
 You have YOUR set of values, she has hers.
The number of people you (general you) have slept with doesn't say ANYTHING about what kind of person she is. She CAN still BE a good person. Her view on SEX just differs from yours.
IF she was a guy would you still fell grossed out?
And don't tell me, it's different for women!
Now that fact that she doesn't SEEM to care, might be a facade. I think SHE uses sex to get affection and attention. The fact that she was BRAGGING that YET another guy "wants" her, makes me think that SHE doesn't think ALL that highly of herself.
You were honest and told her how YOU felt about it. But the thing is, it's her life, her body. IF you think you get some sort of "taint" from being friends, then don't be her friend.
I SEE nothing wrong in telling a friend that you don't agree with their actions, but I'd hold back on the whole judgmental aspect of it.
I have a good friend who was VERY promiscuous in her teens, and I wasn't. She IS one of my very best friends, and she ended up marrying another of my good friend, been married over 25 years with 2 kids. She is AN awesome friend, awesome wife and mother, she a special ed teacher, and she works with autistic kids/horses in her time off, she is AN AMAZING human being.
I have another friend who is religious. And I'm not. I don't particularly "like" her religion, but the thing is... JUST like the promiscuity, IT IS NOT all she is. She is ALSO a GOOD friend, caring mother, great wife and sister.
I don't JUDGE part of who they are, they are my friends and I love them as they are.
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