A
female
age
30-35,
*utterflygirl03
writes:My boyfriend has a 1 year old baby. However, the baby looks NOTHING absolutely nothing like him. His parents and siblings have told him to do a DNA test and so have I. He said he would do one but does not take any steps on doing so. The mother of the child was never his girlfriend, rather a one night stand. I hate that he does not listen to me as I listen to him when he has any concerns about me. What should I do? It has gotten to the point where I am starting to treat my boyfriend differently whenever he mentions his "baby" because I am not sure why he doesn't take the step to do the test. What is he waiting for? He told me if the baby is not his he will not remain in his life.
View related questions:
one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2015): Following your update I thought I should share a few things.
I am a blue eyed blonde girl with a skinny nose. My younger sister looks exactly like me. Our brother (same father) has afro hair, darker skin and a broad nose. Our great grandmother was mixed but you would never know it looking at our mum.
People stare a lot and question if we're really related.
That is just ignorant.
Unless you know the mother's genealogy tree, your doubts are ridiculous.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): I hope this guy is prepared to keep paying for this child for the next 18 years, whether he wants to pay or not.
If he thinks a DNA test can free him of financial responsibility later then he is mistaken. The state does not care about the truth once they have a man picked out to pay. They get a cut of the money and they will imprison him for failing to pay up. It happens every single day.
...............................
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (11 February 2015):
 Like Honeypie and I have said though, he probably ENJOYS being a father and doesn't truly care if the baby isn't his biologically because he's been the father figure WILLINGLY.
You've all told him and he's decided not to do it - either accept that or move on; you have every right to do either, but not complain, yet stay.
...............................
A
female
reader, butterflygirl03 +, writes (11 February 2015):
butterflygirl03 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMidnight Shadow,I know him for 5 years now and we have 9 months together. We courted for 6 months and I knew his situation and accepted him with it. The baby is 1 and 3 months exactly, today. I helped plan his baby's first birthday. I have grown very attached to the baby. It does not bother me at all that my boyfriend has a baby. What bothers me is how immature he is being. This is the thing, my boyfriend is white, the baby has a complexion of Beyonce's skin color. His mothers complexion is lighter than the baby. The babies nose is wide. Neither his mother (or mothers parents) or my boyfriend (or his family have wide noses), aside from all the other features that look entirely nothing like my boyfriends. The baby mother's family and mine and his all get along well. But I just hate the fact that my boyfriend is being so irresponsible and immature to a truth that he should resolve. He is 26 years old and I am 21. Honeypie, he is very responsible with his baby and has taken on financial responsibility for him. I might add that the girls ex was black and the baby is dark skin. Has zero of my boyfriends features.. or of my boyfriend's family. Even his family say that they do not feel the baby is of their "blood". It just upsets me that he is being so stubborn. Male anonymous,You are absolutely correct! He can do an inexpensive and confidential DNA test but it seems like he is scared. All he gives me is excuses like.. he will do it when he "has time". Well he has all of the time in the world. He is definitely in denial and has baby fever. Female reader anonymous,I totally understand you. I feel as if this truth jeopardizes everyone that is involved in the child's life and it is not fair. The truth ALWAYS comes to light and when your ex's son finds out that he has another father out there, he will be so hurt. This is not fair.
...............................
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (10 February 2015):
It does seem like he enjoys being a father - is that what bothers you? The fact that he might actually be the father of someone else's baby?
I didn't look like either of my parents until I was 2 or 3 and my brother hasn't looked like anyone in our family throughout his life and he's in his teens too, so it's not definite, except skin colour and, even then, there are a few parents in the world who are one skin tone and their baby is the complete "opposite" (even though that's incredibly rare, obviously).
How long have you been with him and how old is the baby?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): Just sit him down and point out the facts. Do it once, do it well, and don't continue to bug him about it after that.Here are the facts:He can get a painless easy DNA test at any local pharmacy for the price of a couple of pizzas. His next 20 years of income are at risk of being stolen from him. The circumstances are at least a little suspicious. People important to him are thinking less of him for his refusal to get a test done.If he doesn't get a test done (soon) then he is in willful denial, plain and simple. He has nobody to blame but himself when this blows up in his face and hurts gigantically worse years down the road. IT WILL come out eventually if he is not the father, trust in that. Future medical care will bring out the truth as DNA gets more relevant for treatments, whether he wants to hear it or not. The era of women getting away with paternity fraud will be ending soon.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): I recently dated a 40 year old man who had a 15 year old 'son' who he genuinely didn't believe was his and never really had - his wife left him 3 months after the baby was born (!). He never had an answer regarding the lack of DNA test. I realised he had got emotionally connected with this boy and would be hurt to know - really know. My issue is that the actual father (biological) has been denied the knowledge of being a father for 15 years. The boy has been denied the truth. I ended the relationship with this man because I felt that someone who could hold on to a lie for 15 years was not someone I could have a real relationship with. It left me wondering what else he was prepared to hide from people. I know it is more complex than that but this isn't just about your boyfriend. If he refuses to have a DNA test then where does that leave your relationship with him. It does not exist on the foundation of honesty.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 February 2015):
 Hmm, my guess is he doesn't WANT to know if the baby isn't his. He is in fact ENJOYING that he is a father. (that may or may not last...)
Does he know that the whole claiming paternity (if she CLAIMS him as father so she can get benefits and child support - he will be ASKED to volunteer a DNA sample ,and he will be EXPECTED to pay for it too.) However IF they do NOT go though Child support Agency - he just gives her money and stuff for the baby... at some point in time it can be ASSUMED he is the father SINCE to took on the financial responsibility.
You CAN'T make him do the DNA test. But he seems a little ignorant when it comes to DNA testing and HIS own rights.
As for the baby not looking like him? Well, it's a baby. They aren't spitting images of their parents. Some are, most are not. I have 3 children. NONE looked like my husband as babies, they all resembled me (and funny enough) my brother. (my brother and I look quite alike). Now that they are older, the youngest DO look more like her Dad than me.
I don't know what state you are in (laws can be a little different) but DO show him these links:
http://www.dss.state.la.us/index.cfm?md=pagebuilder&tmp=home&pid=185
http://www.childsupportillinois.com/general/hfs3282.html
http://www.oregonchildsupport.gov/services/paternity.shtml
( or simply google it for YOUR state)
Is the the fact that HE COULD be a father that bothers you or the fact that he doesn't seem to CARE to test?
...............................
|
