A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,So I broke it off with my controlling ex girlfriend over three years ago, we were together for about a year and a half and she had a young son from a previous relationship. She didn't treat me well and while I sort of hate her, it's more that I'm angry at myself for allowing her to make me feel that way. And it was like losing a son. I feel that it took about a year and a half to get over her. I dated a girl for a year while I was still hung up on her but we were more like friends than anything. Around the time I got over her, I met a new girl. She's fun and we have a good laugh together and amazing sexual chemistry. I find her very attractive, and sexy and cute. We have been seeing each other for over a year now and live together. I can see myself marrying this girl. I'm very much a positive person and it is all about being happy for me. The only problem is that she is insecure about how I feel about this ex. I lied about being in touch (harmless chat in messages) with my ex at the start of our relationship because I knew she was a bit jealous and I didn't want to hurt her or argue about it. Hence her insecurity deepening when she found out. She sometimes bring her up and is quite suspicious now. We've talked it out and I told her that it's more about me and losing the kid than about my ex. That I dont want to get back with her. But keeping all of this fresh in my mind - I have been looking at my ex's facebook profile a lot and at her pictures. I feel like doing this will help me get back to where I didn't care. I want my girlfriend to be happy. I know I should stop looking up my ex but it's how I deal with things. Am I being unfair to my current gf? I don't think I am. I don't want to tell her about my exes. I don't bring them up. But she is hurting about it - do I do what I need to do or what? I admit it's a little obsessive but I really do love my girlfriend
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female
reader, KC12  +, writes (9 November 2013):
 Firstly, STOP blaming your girlfriend's insecurities; because you are the one that keeps doing things to make her insecure.
If you lied to her about contacting the EX, then YES she's going to be suspicious and insecure. You want her to trust you? Start earning that trust.
I saw a meme recently that said "You can't write the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last chapter." I think that's about the best advice for you right now.
So, it's time for closure with the ex.
You're going to need to delete your ex from FB, and even block her. Stop looking at her profile. Put her behind you. Or else you'll never move on. It's not worth you losing your current girlfriend over.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 November 2013):
 You know what you are doing is "wrong" and hurtful and I want to bet if your GF did what you are DOING you would be mad and hurt.
So what do you do? FREAKING EASY! you UNFRIEND the EX, you BLOCK her and DELETE her from your life (that includes social networks).
The whole checking up constantly on an ex is NOT helping you "move on" not does it help your relationship. There will come a time where you GF will ASSUME that you aren't over the EX and that is why you keep obsessing over her in FB. And if she is any kind of smart, she will WALK away. Then YOU are left looking at pictures of a rotten EX and the "new" ex you let slip through your fingers.
And no, no amount of ogling the ex won't "fix" how you feel. IF you TRULY can't let go of the ex then you need to find better coping skills. Either some self-help OR find a counselor/therapist.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013): If you love this girl and see marrying her, you better block the ex-girlfriend from Facebook and stop looking at her profile. Ask yourself WHY you are really doing this? Facebook has broken up a lot of relationships.
If you don't want to lose your current girlfriend I recommend doing this right away.
It's time that you moved on in your life. There is no need to look back.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 November 2013):
Get over her in a way that doesn't hurt someone you love. A marriage is about compromise and in this case you have a good reason to compromise for the sake of the relationship.
Although I wouldn't encourage her jealousy since you're not being unfaithful in a strict sense. Don't let your girlfriend dictate your behavior when you're not cheating. Remind her that cheating isn't prevented by controlling behavior. And controlling behavior can ruin relationships.
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A
female
reader, misssunshine  +, writes (6 November 2013):
 hm you are unfair to your gf...if u love her and care for her why do u keep going back??
delete your ex from facebook,block her so you cant find anything about her on internet...
its time to move on !!
enjoy what u have now!! good luck!
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (6 November 2013):
 Yes it does hurt your girlfriend. This is what a woman in your girlfriends position wrote here very recently:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-has-been-facebook-stalking-his-exes.html
I think you are being unfair to your girlfriend. Look at what people thought the woman in the same shoes as your GF should do: one said walk away, another thought the BF was still hung up on the ex.
Frankly if you are obsessed and out of control with your FB browsing, perhaps you should delete these exes as contacts?
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