A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I hope someone can help me. I have been with my boyfriend for a year this Friday. It's also his son's birthday on Friday. My boyfriend is much older than me ( his son is only a bit younger than i am ). My boyfriend has bipolar disorder. He hasn't seen his son much since he was three years old. My boyfriend and his ex wife ( the mother of his son ) got divorced when their son was three. I'm worried that my boyfriend might feel very emotional and depressed on Friday, as he will be thinking about his son, as it's his birthday, and i'm worried that he will get drunk. He either gets really hyper or really angry when he is drunk ( or perhaps it's that he is drinking because he is feeling angry or hyper ? ) and it stresses me out. It will ruin our first anniversary if that happens. His son is autistic too, and my boyfriend says that his son doesn't want to know him ( he says his son doesn't want to know him because his mum didn't want my boyfriend to have anything to do with him after they got divorced, and my boyfriend thinks his son would feel stressed out if my boyfriend tried to get to know him. My boyfriend's son thinks of his stepdad as his dad. It's complicated, i guess ). I've seen him cry his eyes out over his son. Of course, i want to be there for my boyfriend no matter what, but it is a lot for me to handle too. He doesn't take medication or get counselling at the moment, but he said he wants to sort that out. I want us to have a nice time on Friday, and over Christmas ( I'm worried that this might happen at Christmas too ). If i am with him when he is having an episode, i know i will feel like going home. He is quite quiet usually, and very funny and sweet, but i get stressed and scared when he has an episode. Can anyone offer any advice ?.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): The minute he goes into an episode you leave the room or go home. There's nothing you can do since you are not his medication. The best you can do is to try too prevent alcohol from entering the picture and if you can't, then get yourself out of there the minute he goes into an episode. You know you cant stop or tone down his episodes so don't be around to he a target or catalyst for his anger.
Of course his son sees his step dad as his real father. Its really not that complicated. A real father is the one who raised you and has a loving relationship with you. Your bf needs to accept that since another guy raised this young man of course the young man will see that guy as his real dad. But that doesn't mean that there isn't room for your bf and his biological son to have some sort of relationship as adult family members. Just that the limiting black and white "I am his real dad not the guy who raised him " attitude has got to go. He can be like an uncle or a distant relative. That's better than nothing but it is just unrealistic to want the son to be close to him as if he raised him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2012): I'm wondering if your bf has high functioning autism, these two are very much linked together . As a mental health nurse, it is known the autism has the prepositional of being hereditary .. My advice would be for you to plan that anniversary night, do something that is familiar with you both that does not include alcohol .. Alcohol will only exacerbate the situation.. So something like the cinema, pop corn and soda hot dogs, a long walk with your arms entwined .. Bowling but no drinking .. It will be hard for him considering the circumstances, and even though it is your anniversary it is his sons birthday and if you put yourself in his shoes you would also feel emotional overwhelmed.. if he is off that night be understanding, quietly tell him that ok, there no need to celebrate .. you can do that the next weekend.. If he drinks remove yourself from his company, you stay and talk unless he starts drinking that your only condition ..Take care sweetie.. He could also write a letter just saying he would like to be intouch
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A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (17 December 2012):
 can you ask that you two not drink to celebrate the anniversary and holiday because you're anxious about these things occurring?
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