A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Need help. Is this considered cheating?My fiance and I are 3 months away from the BIG day. I'm 29 and he's 38. Never married and no kids. We're having a coed bechalor/bechalorette party in Las Vegas. We're best friends so we figured it would be fun to celebrate together. Two of the nights are going to be coed as there will be several couples and one of the nights we will be apart.So I started a conversation about 'boundaries' last night. It's never too early, I'm slightly conservative and it's good to discuss prior than to be upset after, right?The conversation did not go well. We ended up in a heated argument with him yelling at me. He never yells! Basically he is saying that I am controlling him, that the whole situation will be out of his control and he does not want to look weak infront of his friends. I'm OK with lapdances, but he says that his friends and brothers will probably buy him VIP dances or even private dances in a booth for 30 minutes/1 hour with a stripper. He says that is what happens and its out of the bechalors control.Thats fine I said, but I'm not too keen on these private VIP dances. As long as his hands and mouth are off the stripper I can handle it. He then tells me that kissing her breasts or touching her all over is not cheating!! Seriously? It is my definition of cheating!!! HE says its not his definition, it never has been.So I ask him when he goes to the VIP room is that what will happen. He can't answer for sure, but if it does its not cheating. So I freak out and ask him in that case whether I can get my breasts kissed and can I rub my hands all over my male stripper in a private booth.He freaks out saying he can't handle the visual and that NO I CANT, THAT WOULD BE CONSIDERED CHEATING. I ask how can it be cheating when that is exactly what he will be doing?According to him, if you're giving kisses or rubbing someone else, thats not cheating. If you're receiving and your body is being used, than it is cheating. So, if a stripper kissed his chest it would be cheating, if he kisses hers, NO. My fiance is nuts! I told him I'm not even close to comfortable with the idea of him having a vip 30 minute/1 hour 'experience' kissing and touching and grinding a naked girl with only her panties on. That it completely crosses all boundaries and morals I have and that I wouldn't go through with the CHURCH ceremony if he betrays me like that.He proceeds to get worked up saying that he knows how I feel and wouldn't intentionally hurt me. He'd draw the line where I've mentioned, however its not his definition of cheating and he's sticking to it. We ended up yelling and hanging up.Its the most immature argument I've ever had, but honestly - how can kissing a strippers breasts and touching her body not be cheating? In Las Vegas they're very liberal and this is the norm in the private/vip areas. How can I trust him?Today he is saying that I'm controlling and have invaded his whole life and his thinking. That I don't let him be his own man.I'm so socked that we don't match up in this area of morality. We're always in agreement on things. So now, I'm threatening to call off the wedding because our morals are not compatible and he has canceled the party with his brother who is planning it.He's so angry saying he has doubts about us. I'm upset because I can't believe he's wanting to have an intimate sexual experience with a stripper in a VIP/Private booth. It makes me feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it!Help! Is this cheating? How should I proceed without getting so emotional and upset about it??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): You are in such a tough spot....it can't be easy trying to deal with something like this when it's supposed to be the happiest time of your life and so stinkin' close to your wedding date. I am so sorry this is happening to you.There as been lots of planning, lots of money probably spent and probably guests involved to share this special day...I dont know what kind of wedding or how big this event is to be. However big or small, postponing this wedding is really in your best interest right now. You can't go through with a life event this big because you are concerned about the money lost or what people may say....we would all have those feelings. It does not mean you are over, but this does need to be seriously discussed and resolved. This is a huge red flag of what is down the road if he is continues to think this is alright and you allow it to happen. What happens when things get a little strained, as all marriages encounter at one point or another, will that justify turning to other women because in his mind he is not cheating? There is no guarantee of anything, and if it's not what's going on now, it could be something else, or nothing at all. The point is, you CANNOT go into a marriage with these kind of doubts and you need to be able to trust him, feel safe and secure and not have this little nagging something always weighing you down...it does not make for a good marriage and sweeping it under the rug only postpones a resurface down the road.He wants you to trust him, yet he is giving you way too many reasons not to trust you. He is telling you what you want to hear now, but you have to know for sure he is speaking from his heart and is being honest with you and means what he says about not crossing boundaries...I am bothered that he has even found a loophole in saying people have different boundaries...well, you both need to have the same ones. You both have to agree and promise to not put yourself in situations that can lead to problems like this, and what to do and how to talk to each other if they do come up. They can be avoided and this whole stripper BS does not even need to take place...it's "so last year" anyway...people have evolved and are doing a lot more mature kind of couple parties these days and those kind of shenanigans are not even involved.This whole situation is not you trying to control him. This is a typical excuse used by men to deflect their wrong doings (and women too). Telling him how to brush his teeth and how he has to wash the dishes and what he has to wear...now that's controling... but expecting your man not to cheat and to refrain from inappropriate behavior, and explaining to him why this is not acceptable to you is NOT controling. I would suggest the two of you go to a counselor and work this out....BEFORE you get married. It will be worth it. Marriage is supposed to be a life long committment, a work in progress, etc., etc.,,, it's all going to be destroyed because he started it off with engaging with another women in a sexual way? Yikes....fail. It would never fly with me, not matter how are it would be, no matter how much it would cost...a rocky start in a marriage is never a good way to begin.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 June 2012):
 I 'd still call the wedding off for the time being and think long and hard if I really KNOW this guy and want to be with him. Because if he really,sincerely believes what he said about who starts first and who gives kisses or receives kisses.... sorry, I don't know how to say it in a less offensive way, but, if really thinks that, then he is beyond STUPID ,- hard to live all your life beside a stupid. Come on, OP, this nonsense about who kisses the other's chest sounds like a debate fit for the junior high playground, but, just in case, if any, the one would is cheating " more " is the proactive one, the one who DOES the action rather than just receiving it .
I want to hope that maybe he was just tryng to stand his ground on principle, to defend an undefendable position- so he painted himself in a corner and there's no way he could win it without being piggishly stubborn and blaming it all on you and your " mistrust". Let's hope it's just a case of a man who can't stand to lose an argument... but I'd make sure this is the case before proceeding with the wedding.
Another thing that for me personally would be a crimson red flag, is a man of 38 that still needs to look good in front of " the boys ". If he can be so easily be convinced by his bros to do something that obviously upsets you, and puts saving face in front of his bros before his obligations to you- who knows what else he'd be able to do if his pals want !
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (20 June 2012):
 Leave him OP, he's messed up. He's now trying to save face because he sees a real threat in the fact that you might actually call off the wedding. I think this is a very weak man here and surprisingly weak people can be very rigid and staunch in their thinking.
Lets start from the beginning. He has a firm definition of cheating, according to which he can kiss and grope a stripper and that's fine but if the stripper does anything to him then that's not. If he receives it, then it is. Going by his warped logic, a woman who is raped is cheating on her man!!
Now he was rigid and fought for his stand and obviously pushed you to the brink. Now when he's seen that you've taken this seriously and you might call the wedding off, he's being a worm and asking for forgiveness while very smartly blaming YOU for not trusting him!! "....it really Sucks being with sombody who always doubts me and can't seem to trust me..." So its YOUR fault that you don't trust him!
OP these are all very big red flags. This man is obviously weak yet sly enough to turn the tables on you and he's trying every trick in the book to save face so that the marriage goes off without a glitch.
Also, something very worrying about his logic is that he's blaming the woman for initiating the "cheating". That means, if he kisses her and sucks her boobs, that's fine. But if SHE does anything to him, then that's cheating. So if he has sex with someone who's lying stiff as a rake, that's not cheating on you but of the woman participates in the act, then that's cheating.
Wow! Seriously OP, this guy is a lot of work and he's a big loser to have given so much thought about this...I've never seen anyone work so hard to come up with their definition of cheating!
Leave him OP, he's going to cause big problems for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): In theory, if two people differ enough that they cannot tolerate something about the other's behavior, they simply shouldn't be together.
In practice however, human nature takes over.. if all relationships were built on such rigid rules, most people would probably stay single! A LOT of guys (many of friends, for example) will go to strip clubs, and have lapdances, and hide it from their wives. It is just very, very typical. So, the answer to the original poster is, if you have a boyfriend or husband that swears they never go to strip clubs etc., there is a good chance they are simply hiding it very well. As for women, probably some do it too, I don't really know, but I wouldn't be surprised.
As for me, I've been married for over 15 years, mostly happy years. Occasionally I will go to a strip club. We had several arguments about it a long time ago, but look, I'm not a little kid, and just because I'm married it doesn't mean I have to live by her rules! I live by my own rules and no-one elses. Eventually we dropped the arguments, she knows I sometimes go to strip clubs, but I don't brag about it when I get home.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 June 2012):
 He's backpedaling like crazy, isn't he?
Postpone the wedding. Just say you need more time.
Go work through all the issues in a pre-marital counseling session. These can be extremely eye-opening and helpful. Go ahead and get a pre-nup too. Protect your assets.
I think there are more things here than meet the eye.
And I agree with person12345, that whole discussion about touching/being touched and who does what to whom? Very peculiar. Really really weird. He's had many many years to figure this out and he comes up with that analysis. Wow.
I think the people who throw the bachelor and bachelorette parties often wind up doing a good deed. They expose the warped thinking of one of the engaged couple....
Think of this as the wake-up call.... now pay attention to the next few weeks. He's going to try to make it better so you can proceed and he doesn't lose face. I'd ramp up the pressure, in the form of mandatory counseling. I'd also really find a way to minimize the potential loss when the wedding doesn't happen on the day originally scheduled.
At 38, by this point, if he still feels the need to mourn being married by fondling strippers, then well, maybe he should just stay single. After all, if you do the math, he's going to be single for more than half his life. If it's so heartbreaking and sad to get married, maybe he should just skip it.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 June 2012):
 Leave him.
"According to him, if you're giving kisses or rubbing someone else, thats not cheating. If you're receiving and your body is being used, than it is cheating. So, if a stripper kissed his chest it would be cheating, if he kisses hers, NO."
I'm not sure if he just lacks brain power or is selfish, but this is possibly the stupidest thing I've read in months. Proactively seeking out other people to touch and kiss is not cheating, but if someone else does it to you, meaning you did not initiate or seek it, it is? So is sexual assault cheating? This isn't Afghanistan.
The ONLY way your fiancé's claims could work is if he doesn't believe strippers are human. Your boyfriend is not only unbelievably selfish, he's also a misogynist. Your average/normal monogamist couple would consider sexual touching with other people cheating. Strippers are people. The only way he could consider them exempt is to believe they aren't human.
This guy sounds like a piece of work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): ORIGINAL POSTER
Hi everyone. I've read all your responses throughout the day. I feel a little more mellow right now, spoke with him at lunch time, like nothing happened.
I'm taking the time to really think things over- this is very challenging.
The positives out of all this is:
1. It's the first time in our four years of dating/engagement where we truly are clashing on a moral issue = the definition of 'cheating'. We have had items come up here and there eg. My ex always calling me, my jealousy around any porn use, him talking way to much about his past. But, I've relaxed on things and so has he OR we've learned to be more respectful of each other.
2. He's stated and then repeated in a text that he will not cross my boundaries and will act respectfully. This morning he wrote,"I'm always being over-analyzed. I'm far from perfect...But every flaw no matter how big or small is a red flag. Do I want to throw away money at a strip joint? NO. Will I get any satisfaction? No. Do I want a bachelor part? I really don't care... it really Sucks being with sombody who always doubts me and can't seem to trust me...Everybody has different boundaries. I meant what I said about respecting your partner and their boundaries". I trust that when he says he won't cross a boundary, he won't. Although he might be VERY tempted or resent me for it.
So at this point, its an issue of character and morality. Since we first met, he has not done anything to prove himself untrustworthy. From his stories, I do not like how he treated his ex's, however he has been loving, doting and kind to me. He hardly goes out and when he does he comes back early in the evening. I don't think he's gone to any strip clubs since we met. It's simply his morality that is an issue here.
However, how can I trust someone with such a lose definition of cheating? Is this truly one of those RED FLAGS that will come back to haunt me down the road 100%? Will I look back at this and say that I was warned, I saw the signs, but chose to ignore something very very important.
Is there even any way of convincing him that his definition of cheating is messed up? I don't think I want to control him - he is his own man. I don't want to change him or his thinking or his choices. I can't tell him what to do or what to think. I just wish his moral code would align better with mine on this issue.
I can only change my thinking (accept him and his thinking) OR remove myself from the situation (cancel the party, put the marriage on hold & perhaps even cancel the wedding).
I'm going to re-read all the posts again. I need to think. How sure is everyone that 100% this means he will cheat on me in the future or cause marital problems?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 June 2012):
 Let's get to the REAL crux of what he's saying....
He's saying... "Me and my friend(s) are going to have a last-fling, which might include me getting a little s*x... AND we're going to justify it as something that "bachelors" do at "stag parties".... and there's NOTHING I CAN do to stop it...."
IF you believe that..... and give in to that childishness... then I feel comfortable telling you that this guy is a ticking time-bomb of infidelity.... AND, if you were MY Sister, I'd advise you to postpone the wedding... until you can CANCEL it!!!!!
Good luck.... You're gonna need it....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): It's a lap dance. It's not really cheating... big deal....
His mistake was going into detail about it.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (19 June 2012):
Call the wedding off OP. A 38 year old man talking like a fool is not going to make a good husband. I get the feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg, there are bound to be other areas where you disagree because of his ridiculous arguments and his absurd logic.
Kissing a strippers breasts and groping her is unimaginable....if that's not cheating then what is?!! And he's got the audacity to argue that he's right!! Either he's got zero morals or he's just weak and doesn't want to appear "small" in front of his friends, so he wants to go with whatever they've planned.
Sorry OP, this isn't the guy for you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 June 2012):
 “the whole situation will be out of his control” what a crock of shit. HIS behavior is totally within his control the word NO is a very effective method of not doing what you do not want to do.
He can refuse to walk into the private room what will they do CARRY HIM? IF they do he can tell the dancer that she can sit and talk to him for the hour they paid for… they don’t have to know.
Letting people bully you is weak… saying NO is strong… turning down sexual behavior you do not want is strong. His premise that he will look weak is a cop out.
As for what defines cheating to me it’s anything you can’t won’t or don’t tell your partner. If you don’t want him touching her or kissing her then he should respect that.
AND if he told you that YOU can’t touch or kiss a male stripper why can he do it with a female stripper??
Ask him, since you will be allowed to kiss and rub him does that mean that giving a man a blow jpb is not cheating… JEEZE he’s skewed…
He wants what he wants… and that’s not right
Unless he can manage to change his mind about what’s right and wrong (and you are being very fair saying no touching no kissing but he can have a boys night out and a lapdance or two without touching) I would call off the wedding and probably end the relationship.
I’m betting he loves you enough to see the error of his ways.
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 It is absolutely considered cheating, so don't doubt it for a second. His logic makes no sense whatsoever. I really don't think you could ask for a bigger red flag than the one you're getting right now!
And the fact that he actually argued with you, and had the balls to say you're "controlling" him, and "invading his life and ways of thinking." Is he serious? I mean... really serious? Is he one of the few people who doesn't understand what a monogamous relationship entails? Or a marriage, for that matter? He's telling you that HE has doubts because you're not comfortable with him cheating on you??????????
I am in shock that you're even putting up with this. I have to honestly say that marrying this man at this point, without really getting to know him further and getting to the bottom of his ways of thinking... would probably be a bad idea. Postponing the wedding is something I strongly suggest!
And I have to wonder... I assume he's been to strip clubs throughout your relationship. Has he been touching and kissing the strippers this entire time??? I don't mean to scare you if I do. I just really feel for you and am so disgusted by him. I really wish you luck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 June 2012):
Wow. Quite the revelation, to discover he has no common sense when it comes to defining cheating. Perhaps this explains his prolonged bachelorhood?
Postpone the wedding.
Go to a pre-marital counseling service, where you can discuss ALL the hot button topics that tear marriages apart: finances, children, living conditions, goals, retirement plans, sex, infidelity.
I expect you'll find many other areas where you are not compatible.
It's a bit surprising that this hasn't come to light before. Maybe the pressure of being accountable to another person, the reality of the step you're about to take, is proving too much for him. Maybe he's found a way to engineer it so you have to break up with him. Then he gets to say that you dumped him and he gets all the sympathy?
Who knows?
You've had a major red flag pop up. Go into that pre-marital counseling and see what kind of husband he's planning to be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): I really dont understand what looking at or touching naked strangers has to do with falling in love and getting married. So I dont even `get` why either of you feel you have to involve strippers, male or female in your celebrations. But yes, touching any womans breasts or whatnot, would be cheating. Even if he stayed passive and allowed a woman to do things to him it would still be cheating. He has some messed up morals I am afraid and needs to work on those if he plans to be a faithful and trustworthy husband. Yelling at you and accusing you of controlling him is not a good sign. I think you might be discovering how he has managed to reach the ripe age of 40 without being married before!As for going along with dodgy things because he doesnt want to look `weak` in front of his cronies. That is so lame. A STRONG man can say no to things and make his point without being scared of what others will think of him. It is weakness that makes someone go along with inappropriate things because they are scared to show a backbone. You are not making him look or feel weak. He IS weak!I would give marriage to this guy a lot more thought if it were me. Sometimes people make better friends than they do husbands or wives. He is a man of certain years who had been lucky enough to catch himself probably a very lovely younger woman. One who doesnt even mind him having lap dances at strip joints! He should be counting his lucky stars not shouting at you, accusing you of controlling him and telling you its OK to grope women! Whats wrong with the man? Just wondering if he has ever got this far towards marriage with others in the past and then imploded like this. He could have a commitment phobia because he sounds as if he has gone straight off the rials all of a sudden just as the wedding approaches. Seems a bit odd considering you usually get along so well. Ask him if he is worried about getting married. It probably wont help you feel better but I had an episode shortly before marrying and spouted out all sorts of things about my future husband being too controlling etc. I basically said all the things that had been building up and worrying me prior to the wedding. I had major doubts and those grew until I imploded. We glossed over things and still got married but it didnt last. Think you might need to have a very serious talk with your intended once you have both calmed down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): 1thng i love is that he is honest to you,by telling you where he is going.but he is wrong yes do what is best for you
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A
female
reader, Candycane1234  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 I have known of situations before where men have said it's okay for them but not their wife/girlfriend. It is cheating, it's physical contact but this is coming from someone who doesn't allow porn in their relationships so everybody is different. Infact I wouldn't allow them to go see strippers.
"According to him, if you're giving kisses or rubbing someone else, thats not cheating. If you're receiving and your body is being used, than it is cheating. So, if a stripper kissed his chest it would be cheating, if he kisses hers, NO."
I'd disagree with his statement it's more like cheating if you're the one giving.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (19 June 2012):
What he's proposing is ridiculous. No man would want their woman doing the same, and he knows it. You shouldnt have to stand for it either.
Strippers and dollar bills are one thing. Private rooms are another. Not acceptable.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (19 June 2012):
Call the wedding off. This guy may be 38 but thinks like 18. Of course if he kisses another's woman breasts is cheating !- and he believes that too himself, since he would be upset if a male stripper would kiss your breasts, or if you should kiss the stripper's nipples, all this bullshit about who gives and who receives is just precisely bullshit. He would not be OK with you doing ANYTHING with a stranger, no matter who starts first or who touches what ; but he wants you to be ok with what he does. As for not looking weak in front of his pals, uhm, I'd be also questioning what kind of pals he has , because the company you keep says a lot about the kind of person you are ; but anyway, if he does not want to lose face... simple, he brings a deck of cards in the private booth and he plays gin rummy with the girl for half an hour, as long as she gets paid she could not care less, actually for her it will be a very welcome break .
But he hasn't even thought that, because he WANTS to play with nice boobs and look oh such a stud in front of his cronies. Pathetic.
It feels to me as if this may be just the tip of the iceberg, and as if, under a layer of superficial compatibility , you are two very different people with very different ideas. If i were you, I would not get married until I have found out exactly how much different.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 June 2012):
 Honestly, take him in to see Magic Mike, sit and drool all over the guys in the movie and ask him how that makes him feel. (Movie opens 29 June)
I think he is being RIDICULOUS if he thinks it is OK to kiss some RANDOM strippers boobs and GROPE her, it's gross. He SURELY doesn't have to do EITHER in order to look like a man to his friend.
And what goes on in the VIP lounge is within HIS morals. If things get out of hand there is SUCH a things as say enough or no. I can't even believe it's legal.
Do I consider it cheating though?, no I don't. I find it repulsive. The WHOLE idea of strippers is for you EYES to take in the experience - it's supposed to be a SHOW not a session with a semi prostitute.
I would NOT be OK with this either. NOT one bit. I wouldn't WANT to have some almost naked stranger GRIND on me. Would I want to watch a male stripper? No really. I am not a fan of this whole stripper thing. Honestly, If I want to look at hot bodies, the BEACHES & the GYM are full of them.
I think instead of calling off the wedding and throwing around ultimatums you two need to have a NEUTRAL 3rd person to sit down with the two of you. Maybe even look into the pre-marriage counseling.
The whole idea that guys & girls need this LAST HURRAH!! before they get married is lame. Yes, a good party with good food, good friend and good booze is GREAT but why on EARTH do people think that strippers are NEEDED at bachelor parties? Come on!!
Good luck, honey.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): Seriously ? Call the wedding off. .
I never heard anything so insultingly ridiculous in all my days. Maybe he is your best friend but clearly he's not emotionally mature enough to enter a life long monogamous relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): You have all the right to be upset!This situation is actually pretty "dangerous". I will think about that BIG step ONCE more. And as many times necessary for you to realize that this relationship will not end well. At all.First, I think it was a very good idea for you to talk about these kind of stuff. You ALWAYS NEED to talk about this stuff with your partner, to avoid things that may surprise in the future of the relationship if you want to take the big step for it. I only wish you would have done it earlier, before you decided to set a date for this important event in your life. Second, and now on the subject, the first thing that came to mind was: "if that's not cheating, then HOW MANY TIMES have you 'not cheating' on her?" Honestly, while it's true that some people may not think the same on different subjects in a relationship, it's up to the couple to understand BOTH sides and see if they can work it up together. Sometimes, there are difference that a couple can understand even if they don't agree with it. But sometimes, there are differences that you will feel that you can not accept.For example, I like Coca Cola, you like 7up. I don't think 7up is really a good soda, but I can "live with it". This is a difference we can both live with it, together. BUT, on the second cases, unfortunately, one of them has to "give it up". And these situations can only end in A BIG MESS. Hence I suggest you that when there are these kind of differences that you can not deal with it together with your partner, it's time to part ways. ;;
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 you are right but people have different moral standards. it seems to me if he can do it you should be able to as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): Oh no.....this has bad written all over it. I am sorry, but your fiance is wrong, wrong, wrong.If he is touching another women in a sexual way, that is cheating and there is no way that can get twisted around into anything else. Private rooms with a stripper are about sex and depending on how much they pay, depends on how far it goes.For starters, why would he even want to TOUCH a stripper? Does he not realize where these women have been and how many STD's they might have? Personally, if I saw or found out my Fiance did any of this, we would be over. He would put "not looking weak in front of his friends" over respecting you whom he is going to marry? I could only hope a 38 year old man would be mature enough to put the breaks on this crap and keep it respectful...he is weak because he does not have any balls to be a man and tell his A-hole immature friends/brother, keep it clean, I do'nt want any trouble, I love my Fiance and I don't need any of this.This is not an exagerated movie... this is real life with real people and real feelings and not acceptable behavior for someone who is in a committed relationship and ready to get married...this is for single people who don't have anyone to be accountable to and for idiots who are trying to carry on a very old and troublesome tradition and copy what they see in numerous movies.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): To be honest, it sounds like you guys don't know each other well enough to get married. Your argument is about something that should have been clear to the both of you for a very long time.
Also, he's basically applying a ruthless double standard to your relationship whereby he can fool around with strippers but you can't. Do you really want to marry a man who participates low-class events such as stripper-grinding? I wouldn't. You need to set the bar higher.
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