A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So I was talking to my friend yesterday about relationships and sex. She's done more stuff with her boyfriend than me, but like she totally understands how I feel. She told me to just have fun and if you trust the person you're with, that I've nothing to worry about.I do trust my boyfriend a lot, and I want him to be happy in every means possible.I felt a bit better about sex after talking about it with her, cos she knows how weird I am with the subject. But she's offered to take me to a clinic to get sex advice and some support.she's one of my best friends and is just very easy-going) She made me feel to maybe in time, when I'm feeling a bit more confident it's be time. When I feel emotionally and psychologically ready to be with my boyfriend.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 Maybe it helps if I tell you what I was thinking right before I had sex for the first time : "I really want to have sex". I went to the lenghts of seducing a friend of mine, without even liking him that way. I just wanted sex. That's what I was thinking. Not that casual sex with someone you're not in love with is great.. the sex was in fact bad. But my point is that I never asked myself "Am I ready". I knew what I wanted right then and there and went for it.
So I guess, if you're not thinking that you want to have sex, then you're not there yet? Once you're ready you wont be asking yourself if you're ready, that's my thought. You'll know what you want.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou to everyone who contributed their opinion (:
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A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (11 October 2012):
At the very least, asking questions like "Am I ready?", or "When will I be ready", is evidence that you aren't yet ready. And that's OK - your mind is trying to tell you something. Down inside you know, even though you don't yet fully understand it, that the emotional and mental aspects of sex are very significant. If you consult the clinic you mentioned (and that's not a bad idea), evaluate what they tell you to see if they really deal with these matters - as well as basic physiological things like reproductive anatomy, contraception, STD's, etc.
When you are mature and responsible enough to enter a reciprocal, mutually committed relationship with the person who will be your life partner - and you are willing to reconsider your life plans about things like schooling, career, family, etc to better fit with his life plans (and he is doing the same) - and you really want to give yourself to him (not just to satisfy him) - then you are definitely ready for sex with him. It might happen sooner than that, but that is the most certain "confirmation" I can suggest.
If you go through old posts on this forum I'm certain you will find many people who regret going too far, too soon, and too fast with their sexual activities; you won't find very many who regret waiting until it was definitely "right".
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 October 2012):
 I agree with Chigirl. Don't have sex to make him happy, that's a really bad reason and you'll resent him for it eventually. If he can't be happy without sex, then he was never in the relationship for the right reasons.
There can be a lot of harm if you don't wait and you regret losing your virginity too soon, but there is zero harm in waiting until you feel ready.
Go to the clinic, it might help you feel better. But don't rush, there is no rush. If you are not ready, don't feel pressured to be ready. You have your whole life to have sex, a few months or even years won't change anything.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 October 2012):
"I do trust my boyfriend a lot, and I want him to be happy in every means possible."
If you're thinking he needs sex to be happy then you're misguided. Boys don't need sex to be happy any more than girls do. You'll not make him unhappy by not having sex with him, that's for sure. The stupidest reason to have sex is to please someone else. Only have sex if you yourself actually want it.
I think your friends idea to go to a clinic is a good idea, and you should go for it. Learning about sex is essential to have a healthy sex life.
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