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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Over the last few months my wifes bestfriend has been going through a divorce. My wife and i have known this women for around ten years now and over those years have given her the support she needs during her rocky marriage, through texting, phone calls etc as her husband is a total conrol freak, and a complete twat.I had always suspected that my wifes bestfriend had got a soft spot for me, and we got on really well, and had mentioned this to my wife in passing on occasions, which she laughed off.However when a made a flipent text remark the other day to her that she was not my type, her attitude towards me has completly changed. She no longer returns my texts, and when she does they are only one or two word answers which are spikey, and unfriendly.She no longer rings our home phone, and always makes excuses not to go out with my wife and myself when asked.She only visits my wife when she knows i am out of the house. When i comfronted her about this through texting she skirted round the issue, and told me she did not want me asking her these questions, and that she would tell my wife i had been harassing her. She knows this would mortify my wife if she found out. This texting discussion took place while i was at work, ten minutes after the discussion fininshed, i rang my wife from work only to find her bestfriend was round our house, you can amagine how uncomfortable i felt, i have done nothing to lead this women on and feel that she has been playing games all along, as i feel she is jelous of the relationship i have with my wife.What do i do she could tear my marriage appart.
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at work, best friend, divorce, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (9 September 2012):
 Um I'd venture a guess that your WIFE told her what you thought and the best-friend DIDN'T have those feelings for you and felt the best way to let HER best-friend know, is to avoid you like the plague.
So you thought she had a crush on you, but she didn't.. it happens. However you need to let it go and bud out.
Back off. The woman needs a friend not some dude leering over her. Cause THAT is what she feels you are doing. And that friend... is your WIFE, not you.
A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (9 September 2012):
 Sounds like she doesn't care about you, and you're obsessing over her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): Um, how exactly is your wife's friend tearing your marriage apart when she is avoiding you and hanging outbwith your wife alone since after all they are best friends?? This woman is staying away from your marriage so how is she tearing it apart?
I think she's doing the right thing. She's single now so if she wants to find a new man its not going to happen by hanging around you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 September 2012):
 She avoids contact with you, doesn't answer your texts, doesn't visit your wife unless she knows you are not there, and you are concerned she may tear your marriage apart?
Why? What have you done to give her such power over your marriage?
My gut tells me you read more into a relationship with this woman than existed, and now you know she isn't interested you are worried your wife might find out about it.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (9 September 2012):
 As I read your post, I started wondering who was more obsessed with this situation, the divorced friend or you? Here's a suggestion, you stated that this woman has been sort of avoiding you guys and not really coming around anymore. I think that's probably a very good idea. In fact I suggest you STOP texting this woman altogether. Otherwise your wife WILL think you're up to no good. Her friend may be acting differently because yes, she might be a little jealous, but also now that she's divorced, she probably prefers to hang out with other single people. How is a woman going to meet an eligible bachelor hanging out with her old married friends? Think about it. Then think about your wife for a change and quit obsessing over this woman. It's going to wreck your marriage.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (9 September 2012):
 Why are you texting one of your wife's girlfriends anyway? Let your wife be her girlfriend and you be your wife's husband. I understand being concerned about close family friends, but you need to be careful of crossing the line. My boyfriend would never even consider texting one of my girlfriend's...unless there was an emergency and then he would likely call. I have never texted any of my girlfriends boyfriends or husbands either...not appropriate and there are too many ways in which to get into trouble. You are finding out about that right now. I would let her be and would not worry if she is playing games or not.
I also detect more interest in her personally than you are letting on. Why do you care if she is jealous of the relationship you and your wife have? This brings me back to my original question of why are you texting the woman???
If you knew she had a softspot for you, you should have avoided her and should not have texted her. You are just causing trouble for yourself. Stop texting her.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (9 September 2012):
 Maybe she is jealous and thinking how come she got a rotten ex husband while her friend got a good one, how unfair. She could secretly admire you, but what had she done exactly to make you feel she wants to wreck your marriage in order to be with you? She got offended that you don't see her as a friend, and was only pitying her because she is your wife's friend. You have shown her that you do not like her, so she is returning the gesture and refusing to see you or talk to you. I don't think she has the power to tear your marriage. There is no need to pry into why she doesn't want to see you. She is just as uncomfortable talking to you but she still likes your wife enough to carry on their friendship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): It sounds like maybe your wife has been uncomfortable about the perhaps overly friendly relationship between you and her best friend, and had some words with her friend about it. seeing as how she is now single, that makes it all the more important that there be no inappropriateness between you and your wife's best friend. Therefore, out of respect for their friendship, to preserve their friendship, the friend is now avoiding you.
honestly since she is your wife's best friend I would just leave it at that and not try to make her become all friendly with you again. She is not going to tear your marriage apart, but you might.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (9 September 2012):
 First of all cut all contacts if this woman is going to be childish about the whole thing leave it it isn't worth risking your marriage over.
Next thing i'd talk to your wife just say you had concerns and stuff and just so she is then in the know of what's going on so if her friend does strike up something about you in an odd way trying to make out that you've harassed her at least she'll know what the deal is.
This woman as you say may have been jealous of the relationship you've shared with your wife and perhaps really wanted a males attention and felt she got that from you as you said you and your wife had offered her a lot of support.
Maybe she felt vulnerable and wanted a males attention to help pick up her confidence, right now her confidence is probably shot down into bits and maybe she feels silly thinking a married man to her best friend would even look at her twice as he is a happily married man, and maybe she felt she needed a boost she's probably trying to do a rebound and obviously read too much into the help that you offered to her as i said she's obviously very vulnerable.
And her threatening to tell your wife is because she knows she's done wrong and she feels embarrassed from doing it but obviously doesn't want to admit she's wrong.
Hope this helps definitely inform your wife so she knows otherwise it could end up a worse situation for yourself.
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