A
male
age
26-29,
ILoveMyGirlfriend
writes:We've all heard the saying that a man can't ever win. But no-one ever explains why! So, quite simply, here it is. Women make the rules. And even if the man makes the rules, Women enforce them. For example, Have you ever had a situation that sparks a memory cell in your mind, that tells you this is all abit too familiar? Confusing. Let's break it down. Lets say you are the man in a relationship [If you're a woman, be a man for now!]. There is definately NO way that you are allowed to speak to your ex. Because, lets face it, she's pretty, and you've had sex with her, and you could think about that whenever you like. If you talk with her, maybe you'll meet up with her, and maybe one thing will lead to another... NO ex girlfriends. Wait a second, isn't that guy you ALWAYS talk about one of your ex-boyfriends? Huh. Lets put this into a different perspective. Here are some quotes. I'd like you to imagine that they are said by a man, to his girlfriend, and then the other way round."You have a nice big ass""you're putting on a lot of weight""wow, that stranger over there is very attractive"Men know that they can't confront ANY of those... That's because women are fed this nonsense that a man should dance through hoops to make them happy. And to some extents, we will. But i feel that men need to stand up to these situations! If a woman says a joke to a man, lets say... "He can't do that, because he's too lazy!" A man will laugh along. However, if that was him saying it about her, she probably would do one of three things.1. Ask you, "What was that?" Immediately planting a feeling of guilt in your mind, making your reply one showing anxiety and guilt, putting you in the wrong. Genius! YOU put yourself there!!2. Confront it, being angry, and saying how offended/wrong it is to say that. She might even cry, and that's NEVER good.3. Go quiet. She may smile, but you'll know it isn't genuine. Maybe, she'll even find away of excluding herself, and sit on her own. She'll speak to everyone, but you. And when you do question it, she'll reply "I'm fine" to everything. You can prevent this one, by immediately saying you are sorry, and that you didn't mean it... Once you've finished that, you can re-read number two, as that will probably follow.You can also consider that put in the port-folio of bad things you've done!By the way, if you EVER keep a port-folio of bad things SHE'S done, you may as well keep your clothes packed in a breifcase, as she'll kick you as far as she can. But for her to throw the past in your face? That's fine. I'm sorry to ALL the girls out there... but this is a nightmare! You can't expect us to put up with you being really upset about something, and expect us to think it's fine for you to do the same!-Ilovemygirlfriend
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (28 October 2011):
 I felt the same way at your age, but I don't think I have enough objectivity to say whether I was right, or just deluded. It gets better, though.
Take control of your own life. So long as you are honest but discreet, polite but firm, and confident but willing to admit to and learn from mistakes, you can eventually stop caring about what any particular girl (or guy, for that matter) thinks at any given moment. You have no one to answer to but yourself and your God. Look past the short term: just because a girl is mad in the near future does not mean she won't be happier in the long run. Plus, the ones who get fed up and leave generally weren't worthwhile people anyway.
Learn that even your own girlfriend's happiness is ultimately her responsibility; all you can do is offer to help, on your own terms. Catering to her whims because you fear dirty looks and mean words is not what a grown man ought to do. The mature girls appreciate this.
A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (28 October 2011):
 I'm sorry but your under 17, you have no idea what you are talking about - in a relationship you should respect each others feelings.
You have a LOT to learn about women and yourself
If in every relationship, everyone gives a little more than they expect each day then you have a good relationship.
It's about respect for another persons feelings, it's about wanting to make the person your with happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2011): OMG - you are the definition of the typical male, not to sound racist but i think you talking about American women. I am from the UK and have been in America for 7 yrs - i had never come across such bullshit within relationships as i have since i came here, i have been married for 17 yrs and with my husband for 25 yrs, we always had our own friends and our own nights out where maybe we met up and maybe we didntbut since comeing here i have realized that there is no trust between couples. Stand up for your rights and dont be such a punch bag-but make sure that you are being honest with yourself, trust is a two way thing and it is great if both are being completely honest. I agree that you should be able to say `" hey she has a great ass" but would you feel the same way if she said the same thing about some guy she saw? Honestly ? Always put yourself in the other persons shoes and think about how you would feel........... different people have different perspectives on relationships you need to find someone with the same one as you to make it work - hope you do - just please don't tar us all with the same brush - and i'm sorry if i did in the start of this = just re -read it and think i did..... sorry
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 Maybe you are generalizing a bit too much from your own experiences here. Maybe you are a pushover that takes crap from girls and aren't respected, so you think this is the case with all men and women?
If you feel you are treated unfair then deal with that, on a personal level. Deal with the person/woman who is treating you unfair. Tell her to not speak to her ex when she wont allow you to speak to yours. Or tell her everything goes, she speaks to hers and you speak to yours. But don't drag a personal situation into the general public and generalize it. You've got no grounds for that.
I will however say that you came across one thing that in my case is true. I have an excellent memory. If a man screws up I remember it. I store things in my brain. Not on purpose, but they stick there. I can't remember everything between heaven and earth, but when it comes to debates I have a rather good memory for what's been said and when. I learned to do that when constantly fighting with my mom who always went back on her word and made it out to be me "misunderstanding". Anyway, there are also guys out there with good memory for things. It's not about storing them and never letting go, but some people DO remember more that others. We all have selective memory. Some will remember the bad while others remember other things. So this portfolio does in some cases exist. But it's not gender specific, I'd say.
When you get to know your girlfriend or other people around you, you will learn how they work and how you can work around these conflicting situations without throwing your hands in the air and blame everyone else. It does take two to tango.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 Where do I begin...
Well its true that men and women have different strengths, weaknesses and characteristics, ya just can't lump everyone into the same sack... not without offending or alienating people who don't fit the mold that you're trying to jam them into.
While generally speaking the average woman may be more sensitive/insecure/emotional than the average man- the average man has the notorious male ego... something that's frustrated the average woman since the dawn of time.
As a counter-stereotype, here's some things women can't say to men- targeting the male ego:
You've got a small penis.
That guy over there is very sexy.
My ex was better at (x).
I slept with 100 guys before we met-(retroactive jealousy)
As for:
"Women make the rules. And even if the man makes the rules, Women enforce them."
Well that may seem like the case to you... but its pretty much baloney. Maybe it seems that way because of your age... a time when guys hormones are going crazy, when sex occupies the mind constantly and the ratio of guys wanting to have sex at the drop of a hat is disproportional to the amount of girls willing to do the same. In that regard, girls have a certain amount of power, but its really just supply and demand. (But yeah... that's just a theoretical generalization based on my experiences).
As for:
"And when you do question it, she'll reply "I'm fine" to everything. You can prevent this one, by immediately saying you are sorry, and that you didn't mean it..."
First off, women aren't stupid. If you say "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it" whenever you do something wrong, that's just going to dilute down the significance of saying sorry... especially if you DID mean what you said or if you're just apologizing even if you DON'T believe you did anything wrong... that's doormat behavior.
Of course its going to seem like a girl is always right if you're apologizing regardless of whether you think an apology is warranted or not. Apologizing is great, provided its genuinely empathetic and not just a stock-standard answer. If you think she's being silly... why not just tell her that? Both men and women can be the more dominant force in a relationship... but it takes two to tango... if you let yourself become a doormat, can you really solely fault your partner when they walk all over you and you don't stick up for yourself? Any partner can hold out a hoop... doesn't mean the other partner has to jump.
Yes, I realize the irony in countering stereotypes/generalities with more stereotypes/generalities... I'm not having a go at you or trying to say "I'm right and you're wrong", I've just tried to point out a few different perspectives that you may not have considered here.
Rant over. :)
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