A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello.I am 35yrs female (single). I am dating a guy who is 55yrs old (divorced). I like him very much and we are taking our time knowing each other. There is not intimacy between us yet and I like the way he respect it and we share quality time and space.We started to share social network sites (fbk) and I realize he has female friends ( i do have male friends also off course), but my concern is that his female friends are 20-30 years younger than him, means younger than me also..every single time he post whatever , there are all those 20's girls making silly comments like "oh yeah you know me better, call me any time.." or "my arab man forever.." etc etc. What makes me little bit unconformable is to see that his friends are very young woman and seems like the friendship is very close since the nature all what i read..I really like him but this upset me sometimes. I asked him why those girls are making those silly comments..he answered me, those are empty words and dont have any sense. so in one of those posts he wrote my name in capital and saying i am the one who is looking for..anyway, is there any red flag with the fact that his female friends are girls younger than me? i dont know if this is silly questions but i feel like insecure.thank you very much. sorry for my redaction , english is not my first language.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): Yes, that is a huge red flag. If he needs that in his life, at his age, he's not a very stable guy and it's for his own ego and lack of self esteem as well as major insecurities. You will be able to really tell why he is "friends" with these young ladies if you browse on their pages...As for you. This man is on his last leg of heading towards retirement and you are ready for a life, perhaps marriage, children ... when you get older is he going to get bored with you and look again for another young girl? Guys like this don't usually make good partners long term. Enjoy his company and have some fun, but don't have high expectations of this old man.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 September 2013):
 I am the same as SVC - I don't find age is THAT big of a factor in connecting with people. I have friends my age, but also older, and also much younger. One of my best friend whom I often spend time with is a woman of 28 , she technically could be my daughter. Well, tbh she is a quiet, married young lady, not a wild party- girl, so we go together to museums, art exhibitions, movies rather than making the rounds of clubs tryng to score- but that's exactly my point : it's about having the same tastes , not the same age.
Said that, I found curious too, that his pool of friends is limited to ONLY young attractive flirty females - and , since you are proof that he favours much younger females as sexual / romantic partners, it can't be just a weird coincidence.
It does not sound so " dangerous " to me, though, it does not sound like these are close, real life friends- more like a base of groupies . He probably compliments them a lot , strokes their egos a lot, to have his ego ( hopefully nothing else ! ) stroked back. The old peacock :) - he's like one of those has - been rock stars that still squeeze their varicose vein-marbled legs in supertight leather pants so they can feel it's still the 70s.
If this is ridicolous, tolerable, or in fact endearing / admirable , I think it's up to personal tastes. After all, the jury is still out on Mick Jagger !( pathetic or sex icon ? ), imagine on a regular guy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 September 2013):
 If you normally are not an insecure woman, then yes the fact that you are feeling insecure with this man means something.
It made me think... because I have NO friends my age. I have older friends. I have much younger friends. One of my best girlfriends is a young woman young enough to be my daughter...
I guess I don't often judge folks based on age.
I do however put a lot of credence in gut feelings.... and yours seems to be one of discomfort.... heed that feeling.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): When old men have lots of female friends who are their daughters age or younger, it means they are really insecure and trying desperately to get some ego boost. I bet the young girls know that too and are just playing him for a fool letting him think that they admire him.
If you want someone to marry and have kids with, move on. He is too old. Advanced paternal age increases the chance of genetic defects in the baby. He also already has frown up daughters, its not cool to give them a sinking young enough to be their own kid. That's messed up. Move on and find a man as young as you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 September 2013):
 You aren't boyfriend and girlfriend yet. Maybe he's not all that interested in the traditional bf/gif thing and that's why he's single?
You haven't known him all that long. So wait and watch.
You could add his children on your social networks, to see if you are a truly viable girlfriend in his world.
Who has he dated in the past years, why did the relationships end and how is it he's back on the dating market?
And stop with the idea you have to prove yourself to him, HE has to prove himself worthy of dating YOU and I don't think he's done that just yet.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): ok, i am a foreigner living in usa. we met in person like 3-4 months ago.his friends are real. they are people that he met at work, through friends, family, trips...etc.we started to share network social sites after we met.and in that moment is when i realize this young female friends. (younger than me). he is divorced (15 year ago) with 2 daughters (17-21ys) and he is responsible father. like i said i feel insecure with the fact that they are younger and kind of model type girl ..but I got the point if they do is because he does something that make them do it. we are not boyfriend/girlfriend but he is romantically interested so i am. but i think if at this point i show jealousy he will think i am crazy or something..
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 September 2013):
How does he know these women? Are they real friends, as in he sees them in real life, or are they facebook adds, which means he doesn't know them other than their online facebook persona.
How did you meet him and how long have you been dating?
It does sound a bit bizarre. If English is not your first language why did you choose the US flag, are you living in the US? Or do you live in another country and he is from another culture?
There are a lot of questions here, I know. I guess it just sounds a bit odd. Maybe there's a cultural component that we don't understand yet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2013): The guy is just an old player, and strokes his ego by adding younger women he meets online to his harem of admirers. Continue to get to know him slowly; so you will not rush to judgment.
They are mostly online flirtations; who just like sharing social media time; but are not taking the old-guy too seriously. The comments are playful banter; but they are also a red-flag warning to you. These young ladies are also potential playmates. He's the proverbial "dirty old-man."
The guy loves female attention; but they have to be a minimum of 20 years younger. Wonder why he's divorced?
He isn't behaving appropriately for his age, and basically isn't able to place himself in his own age-group. He's the old "hipster" you see in clubs, hanging with the twenty-somethings making an ass of himself. Chasing girls young enough to be his daughter, and thinking he's the hottest thing since Twitter.
If you just want a playful and casual relationship; and you don't mind immature older-men going through middle-aged crisis, he's your "daddy."
Don't take what he says or does too seriously; because to him, you're a potential plaything. He can wait indefinitely for you to give it up; because all he has to do is go visit one of his other little girlies, who will give it up. He is an experienced sweet-talker, and I'm sure he's quite charming.
Date him for the fun of it, and guard your heart. Don't hang your feelings on that old coot. Your "insecurity" is just your "common-sense" telling you to watch-out.
This isn't a cut on people who ignore age-gaps; but you provided specific details that are a dead-giveaway of the type you have to watch out for.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 September 2013):
 I agree with hijacked_dignity - it's a "I hit my midlife crisis" and I NEED to feel young and to CONSTANTLY BE REMINDED that I still "have it".
I don't think these young ladies write all this comments out of the blue - I bet you he is a "smooth operator" who gives out comments, little "tokens" of affection, compliments to make these young women FEEL special.
Maybe he knows he can't impress a women who is older (40+) so he stick with the younger ones who have less or no experience with a "smooth operator".
The fact that he says that their comments means nothing, yet he keeps them around, kind of tells you something - doesn't it?
He wouldn't keep them around if HE didn't get something out of these exchanges. And If YOU think you are MORE special then the rest, because HE says so.. well then that is up to you.
Does he have kids?
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (2 September 2013):
 Whenever I hear of an older man/woman not only surrounded by people significantly younger than they are, but also prefer it, I can't help but think it reflects on the older person. I think it hints that the individual is afraid to be the age they are, and they may have some difficulty living to the maturity level required at the specific age they are at in life. That being said, I would consider it a red flag. These aren't girls he has to see every day (such as work, etc), they are girls he met online. He actively sought them out/was sought out and chooses to continue speaking to them in his free time when he could choose not to.
He is willing to date you at your young age, I'm sure you shouldn't put it past him to do the same to girls even younger. You already are having doubts, maybe it is a sign that you know something is off too. I would keep my eye on things and try not to feel too committed. You are still young, and their is plenty of time to find Mr. Right.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 September 2013):
 I think you feel insecure because you're not the only younger female he knows, and you see these other women as a threat. Yes, it is a sign when he has so many young female friends, it means that he likes young women and prefers their company over older women. But you are also young enough to be his daughter, so you're in the group of females that he prefers.
Him having that many young female friends (or many female friends in general) tells me he likes the attention and likes to have a "pool" of women to pick from. I wouldn't like the competition either, if I were in your shoes. However this doesn't say much about whether or not he will cheat, or not take you seriously. He could very well be a dedicated boyfriend, who just likes to keep his "fan girls".
Can you deal with having that many young women circling around your guy and him loving the attention? If it makes you uncomfortable then I do not think he is the man for you, because these women will always be around.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2013): Well you were 20 once, right? If facebook existed back then would you have been leaving flirty, seductive comments on a 55 year old Arab guys facebook? I hope the answer is no. Cause most likely not, right? Me neither. In fact, would you leave any sort of flirty, seductive comment on any guy's facebook, regardless of age? I know I wouldn't. It's tacky.I guarantee you he probably doesn't even know these girls and added them randomly cause they had a hot picture. And if these profiles are even real, these "20 year old" girls are probably 55 year old women posing as teens to try to get guys. Most likely though they are spammers posing as young hot girls trying to hack into his system or trying to sell him something. Is it a red flag? I don't know, the whole thing sounds kind of stupid and very tacky. Does he have any real friends?
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (2 September 2013):
 Are they all from his workplace?
I can understand why you'd feel insecure, but it isn't necessarily anything to worry about. My father, who's almost 60, doesn't use social networking, but the women who work at his corporation absolutely adore him and frequently rave about him, give him hugs, send holiday and birthday cards, etc.
There was a time when I was a kid that I was afraid it was due to flirtatious behavior on his part, but I realize now that it's just because he's "that guy" - that ultra-reliable, sage fatherly figure who knows the ropes of business and is helpful to the young people who are new to the corporate lifestyle (the young men at his office like him a lot, too).
This man could be a little different, though, because of the fact that he's friendly with all these women AND is romantically pursuing you who are also significantly younger than him. That does seem to establish a pattern. I mean, my father has at least been faithfully married to my mother, who is also almost 60, for 35 years. Has this man ever been married? Or is he a lifelong bachelor?
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