A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I met this guy from a friend of mine a year ago, and I started developing feeling for him. He initiated the first meeting, and took me to the "City" and everything was fine for a couple of dates. One day he started being really obnoxious, telling me I was selfish, because as he said; I failed on the test (a pack of crips that he offers me, but I didn't share with him). Even though I have paid for some coffee before. Sometimes when we had something in common, he was turning things around, like he didn't like it: "I don't wanna be like you" "I don't wanna be the same as you"." he added something like : for you it is easy you are used to my culture". I have to mention that he admitted to test everybody he meet up with, without their knowledge to check who he should trust.I went back to him and said that he shouldn't have said, but then every single time we met, he was getting rude, mocking my tastes,he was analysing everything I said and then used it against me as twisting my words, and sometimes ending up fighting.In that time, I was working in sales position so he told me I was fake and manipulative, and playing games around him. In between I have exposed to him, my feelings and he turned me down, but he came back to me a day after saying that we need to talk,then nothing...(he just told me that we are friends and we should not cross the line of friendship). Always in the same mind; that he doesn't trust me.We kept seeing each other, and he said he likes me via text, so I suggested that we should be in relationship... He told me that he was going to think about that, after a certain time I asked him if he was ready to give me an answer : "I m going to said no,I think you have someone else".(he things I have someone as he said that it takes me too long to text back, so does he). "maybe if you had gave me that time I would have said yes, you needed just to be patient". "I just needed to see something first". He went back to his family and brought me a gift that he wanted to be unique for me ,to use his words, that I give it back after he turned me down.Later, we both spoke via facebook and he explained his views "we are too different culture, our astrology sign are different we don't mach up and I failed on the test, he added: "I should better test someone from my culture". "I should never have keeping you waiting". "Even if I will find someone close to me one day I will keep going seeing you, so everything is fine".He said also that I wasn't showing enough of my feelings(not inviting him for diner as such; that he did, and too much arguments as I am not patient). I was actually initiating 60% of the meeting at the end, and texts for the most,then he said "I am meeting you because I wanted to".I did invite him over and he started kissing me, and the fallowing day he told me that he was moving out to some other "friend",(he used in the same street).*He never apologized or took accountability (unlike me)for his behaviour; one day he said that I should dress accordingly to the weather, he doesn't like when talk about my ex who was from the same culture as him...*I discussed this issue with one of my friend who said that I was probably a backup plan.I am now avoiding him since we last communicated via facebook and told as he think, and he keeps texting me; why I am not returning his calls/texts and that he would like to take me out soon. (I suspect he likes someone else from his country, as he tried to avoid me so many times after argue and getting mean to get rid of me).If so, why does he absolutely want to stay friends?why did he tried to kiss me?Was he playing with my emotions or hiding something?
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facebook, kissing, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (21 March 2013):
 The guy's a complete idiot. What on earth do you see in him?
Drop him and have no contact is my advice.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 March 2013):
 He tests you?
I'd tell him he flunked my test and I'd cut this crazy loon out of my life.
YOU deserve better than this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 March 2013):
 Yikes, just tell him this isn't working for you. And then remove/block him from your social life as best as you can.
He gives you "tests" ? Seriously?
This nutter needs to date a straight jacket, not a woman.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 March 2013):
 honestly, this guy sounds like a complete douchebag. i have no idea what you remotely find attractive about him. he's constantly "testing" you and setting you up to feel like a failure. he's always telling you all the things you've done wrong and how you're not the kind of girl he's looking for. he's told you he doesn't want to be with you because you're untrustworthy, etc.
seriously. what the hell are you chasing after this douche for? why put up with him?
the first moment he admitted he was testing me and i failed, i would have been like "deuces. i'm out." because honestly, f*ck that. i'm not an experiment. i'm not his psychology project.
keep ignoring him and not responding to his texts. and if i were you, i'd tell him once to stick it up his ass. watch, he'll come running after that and you'll get the pleasure of turning HIM down. but he can play his ridiculous mind games on some other insecure girl, not you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 March 2013):
 The guy's batshit insane! What a crazy wingnut. Different culture? Uhh, the culture of control and insanity and insecurity?
You're wasting your time with that moron. Don't stay friends, because he isn't your friend. Friends and lovers don't constantly test.
I started laughing when he talked about your astrological sign. I think you should tell him "I'm not an emotional punching bag. We're done, and take you and your tests and get out of my life."
End of drama. Get out before he starts talking to the forest creatures and drooling on park stools. Yeesh.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 March 2013):
 Everything you do is a test that's designed to fail you. It doesn't matter what you do, what you say, it's never good enough for him. If you have any more questions about him, the answer is that he's trying to test you and see what's wrong with you and why he shouldn't be in a relationship.
You could have given him the pack of crisps, and he would say something like "you don't like my crisps."
If you kiss him back, oh, you crossed the friendship line, but him? He's just testing so he's not at fault. If you didn't kiss him back, then you don't have feelings for him anyway.
If you text him a lot, you are clingy. If you don't text him back, you are not polite.
He's just fucked up. Sorry I don't even bother using asterisks. He wants to stay friends because misery needs company. He wants you to be as miserable as him so he doesn't feel so alone. Don't talk to him anymore. It's a waste of time analyzing him even.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 March 2013):
 I didn't read your entire submittal, because, before I finished the first two paragraphs, I was able to discern that you and this guy have not NEARLY enough in-common to continue seeing one-another. THAT is my advice....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): You are being toyed with by a sadistic crackpot. His behavior is sporadic and hurtful. He enjoys teasing and insulting you; because he knows your feelings for him, and he enjoys abusing your feelings in his own twisted way. How can you like being around someone who changes like a chameleon and verbally abuses you? Perhaps you have a low self-esteem and feel you deserve to be treated this way. I can only guess this, based on your continued acceptance of his abuse and running back for more. You argue and tell him you don't appreciate his treatment; but you continuously allow it.Maybe you have hidden masochistic tendencies, and find this treatment pleasurable. Otherwise; you would have left and totally dismissed this jerk from your life. Most women would have slapped the living daylights out of the creep. Nope, he'd probably like that.If you enjoy being treated like dirt, then more power to you. If he delivers the type of treatment you enjoy, I don't think there is anything anyone can say that will stop you from going back for more. Do you really like the way he treats you, is that your attraction to him?If a kiss means anything in this case; it is just a doggy treat. You allow him to walk all over you, and you settle for a pat on the head, and return for more. Wagging your tail in delight.Is he playing with your emotions!? Apparently, he has your full stamp of approval. He's using your sweater for a doormat. Has he any right to tell you how unworthy you are?Really??? He actually has standards?In my own opinion, YOU deserve better. RUN!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): It sounds like he's either super insecure, using you as a backup plan or just plain out weird. He does sound like a really strange guy. Maybe he's cheating on a girlfriend and he doesn't want you or her to find out. Whatever it is it does sound like he's just playing around with you. If it were me I would stop seeing him completely. It just sounds to fishy.
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