A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should i stay in this relationship? My partner and i have 2 children together and id say its always been a rough relatioship,although there has been some happy times. It started off as more of a fling than a relatioship, he would turn up now and then and he would end up staying over the night. he did take me out the odd time,i accidently feel pregnant and during the pregancy he backed off alot even though he said he was fine with it, i ended up feeling abondaned during this time, safe to say resentment had sent in. eventually he decided he wanted to play the role had things resumed.When she was 2 we went through a really rough patch as he started to become violent when we argued especially concerning her. This ended up one day with him hitting me and i ended up in a and e with a black eye and stitches in my forehead. I of course reported him and he was fiven 4 mths prison. During that time he was writing to me and seemed remorseful and genuinly sorry. I argreed to give him a 2nd chance and a year later our son was born.Our son wasnt a good sleeper so we grew apart within the last 2 yrs, we stopped having sex although we never really had a great sex life before had. I have also doubted him as i have found text messages from obviously other women. I feel like he has never really loved me and now he just wants to stay together for our kids he seems to think it can work as he still does pretty much what he wants but i feel i need more from him. what should i do, is this just a selfish man who doesnt really no what he wants and made mistakes by having kids with me so wants to make the best of a bad situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou female annon, after i read your answer it bought tears to my eyes. I cant believe how i have been treated and put up with it for so long, surely once a man hits a women they should no he s not right, i didnt as he is malipuative and very good at it. I have asked him to leave now and hopefully he will let me be now. thankyou
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 June 2010):
He still hit you. And it still seems that he doesn't love you. And he's still cheated you. And that's why you need to leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am sure as a mother that he would never hurt them as he loves them so much, he does take them out at the wkends mainly in the morning to the park so that later he does nt feel guilty when he goes out. It me he doesnt spend time with.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 June 2010):
No, you shouldn't stay with him. He's hit you, he's cheated, he runs away from his responsibilities. You've got no sex like, you've found other texts. This guy just isn't there. At all. By staying with him, you're putting yourself and your kids in danger. You live in Britain, so I'm sure you'll be aware of the Baby P case. Well since then, social services have become far harder. If they think for a moment that your kids are in danger, or that you are in danger, then they may come for the kids. This man isn't there, and he never will be. You need to leave.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): Hello hun,i have just read your painful account and feel the need to respond to you. Throughout your letter you have been answering your own answers. You have written 'It started out as a fling' 'He would turn up now and then and then ended up staying some nights''I accidently ended up pregnant...HE BACKED OFF A LOT even though he said it was fine' RESENTMENT set in due to treatment towards you. 'EVENTUALLY he decide to PLAY THE ROLE' When your BABY was two he became VIOLENT towards you.You wisely reported him. He was sent down to do time in prison. He wrote you a letter of remorse, "But was is it" Dear writer this man has been abusing you from the start, his letter from prison was more like a plea for "Hold on babe..I need a place to stay..we can continue to PLAY THE ROLE..I realise I got it good..a warm bed, I can come back to at anytime..I don't wanna give that up, who will look after me when I can COME AND GO when I please, you will always be there" You then have another baby..things are still not right, you find text messages on his phone. You STILL don't feel safe or TRUST him, you CANNOT RELY on him. You do not feel supported. You now question if this man is selfish? Why? he hasn't changed his behaviour towards you, infact he has stayed the same since you met him. So to his mind why the hell should he change if you keep on putting up with it? My dear the point I am trying to make is YOU CANNOT change someone you can only change YOURSELF. Put it this way..look at your beautiful babies and yourself...Don't you all deserve better. Read your letter over again my dear..highlight the areas of concern and ask yourself if you want to live with this for the next 40 years. Take care
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): He has been violent with you, has cheated on you, he makes himself distant from you and the kids... sorry... what was your question???Time to move on - you are wasting your life with this man.
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