A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a virgin, which my boyfriend knows, but we have had anal. There are a lot of reasons I don't want to have sex with him that I won't include here. But one thing is that he's small in that department (I can't imagine that I would honestly feel anything). Anyway, because he is smaller, I don't like to give him head, but we have anal about twice per week. Anal feels kind of good to me, but I really don't get much from it (i.e., I don't orgasm...obviously). All I want him to do is give me oral at least once per week. Is this unfair? I look at it like this: he is ejaculating at least twice per week and I get nothing out of that deal. I feel selfish, but I am also unhappy. I don't want him to do something he doesn't want to do. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): Author's Response:
Several of you asked how it was that I don't like to give my boyfriend oral because he is smaller. Well... I honestly love to give head. But in his case, he has a bit of a belly and a small penis, so... it's not pleasurable for me. It's awkward. Also, when we first got together, I would try to give him oral all the time. Again, I really enjoy giving oral and pride myself on doing an excellent job, however, he could not cum. This kind of upset me and then I lost motivation to do it (I found out later that he is very self conscious about his small penis and couldn't cum because he felt a lot of pressure and was embarassed). He does sometimes ask me for oral, but I especially feel that if he is not willing to give me satisfaction, he is getting enough by getting anal and I don't want to give him oral.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 o_O
Did Bill Clinton die and get reborn as a teen girl?
You got some weird ideas about sex.
No, it is not unfair. He gets his jollies but you don't get any.
Seems like a great guy, a real keeper. If he refuses oral then refuse anal.
Anyway what has his size got to do with you performing oral on him?
You two seems like a match made in heaven. The same department that made toothache, war, famine, disease, dying kittens, women, lap dogs, you know all that is wrong with this world.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Well, I agree with all of the ladies who have said that it is selfish of him to not give you oral so that you can also have an orgasm. However, I must point out that if he is willing to give you oral, that it is equally selfish of you to not want to give him oral in return. Ladies, it should not be one sided either way. My wife and I have always realized that sex is best if both partners are willing to please the other if it does not result in discomfort or pain. Fortunately, we both enjoy giving the other oral sex and other things.
Tisha has given you some excellent advice and I think that you should follow it completely. I also have the same question that she had: Why is his penis size a problem for you giving him oral sex? I don’t know first hand, but it seems to me that it would be easier to give him oral sex if he is small than if he were big. I asked my wife and although it is too long ago for her to remember well, she said that she thinks that it was easier with her one boyfriend who was small.
If you have not asked him for oral, then do so. If he refuses then you have to reassess your sexual relationship. Communication about all things in a relationship is always critical, including sexual likes and dislikes. If there is disagreement then compromise is necessary.
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A
female
reader, kitty.letterbox  +, writes (29 July 2008):
I agree with miss wendlemoot that your boyfriend is being selfish - he should be making heaps of effort to make you orgasm. Though, i don't agree with miss wendlemoot that you're not a virgin - that's up to you to classify for yourself.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 July 2008):
 I'm sorry, I'm just a bit confused by one sentence you wrote, 'because he's smaller, I don't like giving him head.' ???? I don't understand why you would find giving him oral sex distasteful because of his size? Giving oral sex generally is done to give pleasure to the receiver, though the giver often finds it arousing too. Has he asked for oral sex from you?
Anyway, have you asked him for oral sex? And what did he say? A flat out 'no' from him is probably a good sign that the two of you are sexually incompatible.
I understand that you are feeling frustrated and that is understandable if you are not getting your pleasure from the sex you have with him.
You two need to sit and talk frankly about what sex is about for you; what you find pleasurable, what you would like to do, what you do not want to do, if you're feeling frustration (as it sounds you are) or if you're feeling satisfied. If each of your lists don't match up (as it sounds they may not) then you might be sexually incompatible. Communication is key here; I know it can be difficult to talk about, but if you're physically intimate as you are, you should be able to get through a discussion without too much embarrassment.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot +, writes (29 July 2008):
 Your boyfriend is the one being selfish. I wonder how long he would put up with getting all aroused but never getting to finish?
And no, you aren't a virgin.
I would tell him and make him give you an orgasm before he is allowed to get anything from you.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (29 July 2008):
I know people are saying you aren't a virgin but I actually think virginity is what you make of it these days so if you are happy sticking with anal till after marriage then good luck.
However, I can't think of any reason why your boyfriend wouldn't want to pleasure you with either fingering or oral. It's only fair.
Just tell him you want some fun for once.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Your not a virgin! Younger guys seem to be using the whole, anal sex dosen't mean you had proper sex to get girls into the sack. You are no way a virgin, and yes you deserve to have oral sex
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (29 July 2008):
 Ummm, if you're having anal sex twice a week you're no 'virgin'. If someone asks you straight up 'have you ever had sex', you'd be lying if you didn't answer: 'yes, a lot'.
I suggest you start having regular intercourse (as well as oral)
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (29 July 2008):
Honey, just because you have sex in your anus and not your vagina does not make you a virgin...same with giving and receive oral.
Anyhow, no. I don't think it is unfair of you to ask him. Let him know that it makes you happy that he gets the pleasure of orgasm and you don't and you would like to experience it.
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