I'm such a wimp taking all this crap from men!

A female age 36-40, *siusha writes:

Here's my story. Before I met him I had two unfortunate relationships in a row. First one had a bi-polar disorder, i coud not cope with anymore as he was hitting me alot and then was crying sorry. I had no strenth to tell anyone or dump him until my friend found out by accident and dumped his ass on a street, we were two couples sharing the place at the time. Then i met the guy, sweet and attentive, he moved me in to his place too soon, but i fought maybe it was love from the first sight, only to realise he needed help paying bills, he also had loads of hidden debts he kept running from and moving from town to town, and later he moved again with all my stuff leaving me with one summer dress on a street. I was so devastated i did not want to date anymore ever again. And here i am again in a relationship with a repeat liar and cheater, whos on top of all also uses me for money and raises his hand sometimes. So to say all-in-one bastard. I had no faith in men when i met him, and was very carefull until he convinced me he loves me, but there's this story from the begining: When we were just starting to date, seeing each other regularly once-twice a week, he had one more date i caught him with. Kim. He explained it as a mistake as he wasn't sure we were gona have a serious relationship and he needed to check how he feels about me. I know, I'm an idiot i should have dumped his ass right then. I forgave him. I started dating him on a regular basis. Then there's that girls Hailey comes by and makes a scene, screaming and kicking. He says he ended it with her before he started dating me, but she did not get it. Yeah right, where was my head then. Then his even earlier ex Sara starts writing him love letters and emails non stop making circles around the house. And like a slap in a face i found out he is constantly in touch with her also writing her love letters. He split up with her two years before he met me on a basis that he is not in-love with her anymore but continued keeping her close by feeding her with fake ideas that they can be together again. Also that he cheated on her previously and not once. She's been on that hook for 4 years now. Can't be together but can't let go. Plus i found one more called Kasia, texting him weird romantic-religious texts. Her name is Kasia and he took her to museum on sunday, same nice museum he took me a sunday before. Impressive isn't it? And here I am leaving him, feeling I had enough proof that he is never changing serial cheater and decided to stay away from him before i got hurt even more. Told him we over. He runs to me to tell me he is so sorry i had to witness all these women and he knows how it looks but he loves me and wants a serious relationship with me. Well and stood by my window all night crying and begging me to come out and talk to him. I felt for it i let him explain. He said she is obviously not in his plans as he would have been with her if he wanted to, and he had no courage to tell he he has moved on ages ago as they are good friends and he did not want to hurt her and other two never ment anything at all. It was just bad consequence of things that looked dodgy. He asked me to forgive me and said he can prove he is ready for serious relationship. Ha! at 45 he is ready finally. Lol. (by the way he is divorsee and has two lovely daughters 13 and 15 which he has over every second weekend) and I am 28. You would have fought he should be happy enough with young and beautiful girlfriend witout chasing other women. Ok we moved in and then I found out that he keeps texting and calling every day that Sara and Kasia, both. On a regular basis. Then just please dont laugh I had to tell them both that we living together so that it all ends finally, i beleaved he was chased by psychos and needed help in rescue. Lol. Ok next thing happens as i found out later he explains to them that i am a psycho and wont leave him alone and they better do not even pay attention what i texted and it only happened because he is friends with me and i came buy and found those texts and suddenly out of jealoucy lied. You'd say enough? I fought so, but was feeling so sorry for myself by then could not bear the fought of being alone and frankly had no where to go. I lost my job at the time. Next thing christmass i bought all the presents got all the food decorated a tree and he tells me he felt he wants to be with his ex again as they in touch again and she convinced him they can work again. And puts me on the street. On christmass. He did not care if i have where to go or if i have any money left to live after splashing out on him. Great. i surprisingly settled down, got lucky to find a flat without a deposit. But stayed on a street actual christmass freezing my ass while he was doing his ex, refreshing nostalgic feelings. I moved on. Seriously. after weeks of killing myself with horrible foughts maybe jumping of the bridge finally became stronger and managed to smile again, through pain and started coming out on dates to heel pain. Came buy to get my stuff and did not even cry. He got shocked. He saw me goog looking not regreting and looked after and started chasing me. calling turning up at work writing email and texts.. day and night non stop. i ignored it. it felt like someone is stabing me right in a heart even though it has already cracked. He said he was incredebly sorry he did not realise what he lost until he lost it. He said he was not with sarah after we split up he was with her day or two and could not be anymore as it felt wrong and he remembered why he did not want to be with her. she naive she did not even know i was living with him before that, she bearly knew i existed. I gave up, maybe of sorry for myself maybe of jealousy but gave up and gave him another chance he promised he would not take any rent from me like he did before and will never never speak to any of these women again he promised he will tell them about me and will do anything he can to fix his horrible mistakes! He was so sorry and he was so happy when i greed he ran right over to get me moved back to his house. Guess what. he texted them about me to please me, but later explained it was necessary as i am not normal and he needed to calm me down, he continued seeing sarah and on weekends, when i found out i called her up and she came by to get things clear she was in complete shock to find out that i been living with him before christmass and now again she did not know anything about me, she was told he was single. And he admited he did not say it as he did not want to hurt her but told he he is not in love with her anymore and he wants to be with me. Ha. I am lying to myself he made it look like that in true he made it so twisted she beleaved he loves her i beleaved he loves me. But i fought maybe now when the truth came out finally there will be peace. Only to find out later he is cheating on me with Kasia. We had tears fights and he told me it was just for sex and he loves me but i was so angry at him recently i did not pay him attention and he needed sex like a normal man. That scares me now, are all normal men like that? Ok Kasia had it all, she told me he sayd he was single and he never had her over because of his daughters and so on.. Tried to convince me to leave him as i deserve better. I wish i listened. But she never stoped texting him herself. Funny enough. One or two texts i notoces later anyway. Happy birthday and so on.. He lost his job and got himself into debts i decided not to be a nagging bitch for all the past start from fresh and help him out. He has got his job back but keeps taking more and more money from me explaining theres still loads of debt left from past and never shows me his banks statements. Now we been living like that for two years altogether. And on my birthday i found out he has a secret phone, the third one he uses to keep in touch with sara. And theres texts like what are you wearing tonight can't wait to see you and so on.. He says of coarse that he isnt sleeping with her and he needed to borrow money from her this is why he is getting in touch with her. And he had this phone for a month as she gave him so that he can call when he needs help. LOl. I lost it completely and we had a fight, i got my nose smashed int blood for my birthday and was called psycho for screaming at him. I don't think it was so necessary though i was shouting loud but was not killing anyone. Just finnaly lost it. Then he said he will return the phone and money to her and never never will talk to her again. I agreed just to move on with the day as we had guests coming over to celebrate. I am an idiot I know, but what to do, how to move on without being fraid to be alone and without having such an insecure scar for rest of my life? I am in pain but can't scream. I look maybe 10 years older since i met him from all that stress, i cannot sleep or eat i see nightmares with all these women having his babies and me growing old alone. what is the cure for the strenth and how not to loose mind? I am very scared i will end up in a nut house with all these feelings, I am very emotional person and he always blames it on me, says he needs to get away some times from my emotions, that i yell at him alot or ignore him when i sulk or talk with disrespect. I thought i was incredebly strong during all this time. Especially on my birthday felt like i had it all felt like crying or screaming in a rage, but kept smiling and looking after guests. Today he got up in the morning like nothing happened and asked me if i want to go to the gym with him before he goes to work. Like nothing happened, ever. I expected him to sucuss it at least or say something very very convincing why he is not guilty. But he isnt even maing excuses anymore, he doesnt even beleave i will leave, after all he did to me i stayed why will i go now? so he keeps it calm not even worried, only worried about money calles me up to double check if i will pay the bills coz he cant afford it. I feel like loosing the ground under my feet. Need someone to encourage me to be strong and walk away. I would not tell my friends or family because it is too embarassing they told me to leave him a year ago after that christmass on a street. I am very ashamed of myself becoming such a weak wimp taking all this and not doing anything about it. I just dont beleave i will be ever happy even if i go. Im scared now. I already told him I'm leaving but feell such a pain every time i look out for the flats or start packing, don't know why, maybe i did not have enough of his crap or need another kick in the nose to understand that he never loved me and never will? :(

View related questions: at work, christmas, debt, his ex, insecure, jealous, liar, lost his job, money, move on, moved in, split up, text

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A male reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (8 June 2009):

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