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I'm not sure if I should hang in there or let it go ...

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 January 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 12 January 2017)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *iceGuyunsure writes:

Hello everyone,

I'm not sure where to begin?

I came out of a very bad relationship. I try not to say anything negative about anyone, but imagine the worst things you can do and she pretty much did it. This ended about a year ago.

I met this girl at the beginning of December. And like myself she has been through a lot. We've only been out a couple of times. We do talk everyday. Text, or call. But it's only been twice we've been out since the beginning of December. I didn't see her at all over Christmas or New Year. I can tell she's a really nice girl. But we have made arrangements and she's had to cancel at the last minute. I have as well though in fairness to her.

But it's not like she's making excuses or anything. She is a genuinely nice girl. I kind of put her on the spot the other day and said, I'm not really sure if this is going anywhere. And she was like I really would like something to happen. I know this previous relationship she had was as awful as it could be. So I appreciate that she may be apprehensive. They have been split about a year too. And she has said that I am the closest she has let any guy get in a long time.

Is there any advice anyone can give? Should I hang on in there, or just move on.

Like I said though, she is a very genuine and honest girl.

Thank you everyone.

View related questions: christmas, move on, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (12 January 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI don't think you should throw the towel in just yet. As you said she has had issues as well so she sounds like she is scared. Ask her for a drink over the weekend and see how it goes.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (11 January 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI'm puzzled. What is the problem? You have known this girl 4 or 5 weeks, have been on 2 dates, have got on well, and communicate every day. Why are you looking for reasons/excuses to end the relationship? What are you afraid of?

There are very few "nice" people around (in my experience) so, when you actually find one (who is interested in you as well),my advice would be to go that extra mile and make the effort.

You've both had to cancel arrangements. Big deal. Life happens.

Unless this becomes a regular pattern, then I really fail to see what you are worried about.

Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2017):

Put the action where your words are. Both of you would like something to "happen" and to progress. If that's the case, you have to make an effort to see each other more and spend quality time listening and talking with each other. Try not to watch TV, but instead cook a meal together, or play a board game / do a jigsaw puzzle that also allows you to organically start conversations. Do this 2-3 times per week for a month. If neither of you really hold each other accountable then drop the relationship and move on for someone who will hold you accountable and vice versa.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2017):

I agree with wise owl - if she is a similar age to you it makes me feel she may have someone else in mind. It sounds like you have made you decision but would prefer if she was giving you a reason to stay around for.

Sounds like you deserve someone who cares about you a whole lot more.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2017):

I guess I'm the kinda there no rush kinda gal . Things maybe difficulty on both sides who says you can't just be friends . Friends stay in touch daily but there no commitment as yet so say you met someone and like them more you can date as it's friendship based .

Say things improve and she ready then .. yes but nice genuine people are rare gems nowadays even as friends .. I wouldn't banish her . Unless you feel you want more and friends isn't something you want

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (10 January 2017):

Perhaps she is a genuinely nice person, but she seems flaky and unreliable. How long will you both allow your past dead relationships control your present?

It may come to just cooling things down to a crawl, and both of you need to take a timeout to get-over your past relationships. You shouldn't be out there in the dating world unless you're ready. Rather than sending mixed-signals, canceling dates, and playing childish games.

Poop or get off the pot. Either she'd like to date, or she has someone else in-mind; and you're her backup plan.

Move on, your options are wide-open!

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