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I'm not sure if he loves me!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 April 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 29 April 2015)
A female Puerto Rico age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I don't trust my bf

Everything seemed to be perfect in the beginning but one night has changed him ! I told him 2 weeks ago that you are careless! I meant that he should take care of his job and health because he goes out every night and drink a lot

He spends all his money on alcohol, clubbing and parties and he is not career focused ! All I want is to help him !

He took this advice personally and everything has changed after that !

He stopped texting me and calling me

He stopped taking care of me

I felt that he is not interested in my any more

I felt that he is cold and different!

Last week he traveled to Europe and I was the last one to know about this he told me that he's going there one night prior to his flight ! He never mentioned this to me before

He didn't talk to me when he was abroad , I sent him many what's app messages ! The messages arrived and he saw them ! Thanks to technology:)

He didn't respond to my messages and he didn't tell me when is he coming back

But he talked to our common friends

Which puts so many question marks in front of me

I was really annoyed from him and decided to end this relationship

He came back two days ago and he didn't tell me that he is in the town and I knew that he is back from a common friend

He told everyone but me!!!

I felt that I am not important to him

I decided to not to talk to him

I deleted his number and decided to move on ! Which is so difficult.

But, tonight he called me and he said that he misses me and stuff

He came to my apartment to see me !

I told him that I'm upset from his ignorance and I made it clear to him that you were ignoring me

He said I was busy in Europe and couldn't talk to u and I was drunk all the time ! Which I don't get it ?

I asked him when did you come back he said yesterday and I told why u didn't contact me he said I was out all night alone and didn't feel to talk

I told him ! Who is more important! Me or your friends! He smiled !

I told him ! Do you love me ! He said yes ! And if not I won't be here with you

I don't know ! He is weird

He just left and he said I can't sleep here tonight I have to go back to my home! He used to sleep in my place very often

I feel that he does not love me

I am confused! He is not the one that I know ! My emotions are mixed up between love and an anger about him!

Just I need an advice of how to handle this !

Sorry for my language I write from my phone !

View related questions: clubbing, drunk, money, move on, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2015):

Ah, "te amo".

two words so easy to change the mind of so very many of my friends.

I don't get it though (maybe different culture=different mentality?)

Anywhoo,he says he loves you, BUT what does he DO to show it? Nada. Nada de na.

Let him party, let him have his girls where it suits him (sorry it sounds like on his "trip to Europe" he had a few "friends" and he did not want to burden his conscience by speaking to you.)

Also, he just waltzed back in (after a week or two with NO contact) and you let him have sex with you???

Sorry, he knows you're into him and he's using that to get sex. End the sex tap and see if he ACTUALLY treats you like a gf-i.e. making an effort, taking you to dinner, taking care of you. Only sweet words won't keep you happy for too long. They might pool the wool over your eyes, but even that won't last too long...

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (29 April 2015):

olderthandirt agony auntHe sounds like a true loser. It is obvious to you and everyone else that your life would be better with someone else.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2015):

From his actions. It is obvious that he is not ready to stop drinking and partying.

And it sounds like your problem maybe needing attention.

Women by nature are attention seekers and selfish. When guys show interest in anything besides them arguments and problems arise in a relationship.

And men react base on routine. When something in their routine changes or someone tries to change their routine they push away because it becomes uncomfortable or unfamiliar to them.

I suggest trying a different approach to getting what you want. Apologize first. Allow for you and him to start hanging out on a more consistent basis, and then within a few months begin to introduce alternatives for going out and partying. Perhaps dinner nightyly with wine or small gatherings at your place. Allow him to enjoy another atmosphere with fun and drinks.

This solution will give you the time with your man you want, extra money to take care of you, and somre control of his drinking habits.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (28 April 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntI would stop trying to contact him and assume that he has a mental illness.... consider it to be supreme selfishness to the extreme. It may be solvable but he would have to want to make it better.

i think you may be better off without him!

The good news is that you have your whole life ahead of you and don't need to be tied to this rather selfish often drunk man.

How to handle this? End the relationship! Move on! You'll be surprised that you can find happiness with another man, and then you'll wonder why you spent so much time worrying about this guy.

He's already wasted too much of your time!

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